How Do You Calm Yourself

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Sometimes you just have to let it out. When the time comes, you need to get as far away from people as you can.

If you're out shopping, head for a park or a toilet.

Also - learn to see the signs and let go earlier - go buy an ice cream (or something else you enjoy).

Breath in and imagine something you love doing, like petting a cat as 9CatMom sugested, or hearing a song inside your head (if you can do that). Then breath out and imagine that your frustration goes out with the air. I find it works quite well, and it doesn't disrupt a social situation like physically retreating to a quiet place.

cool suggestion my problem is that i can't seem to think rationally enough to implement meathods to calm myself other than retreating can't even explain that i need peoples to stop talkin lol except not

Any suggestions

Well, with people you know and trust, or have to interact with regularly, you can explain your need to retreat in advance. If you say something like, "When I get overwhelmed, I need five minutes alone and silent, so I may just leave," they might be understanding.
As for people you don't know well or don't want to explain in advance, I'm not sure. Maybe you could memorize a phrase (something like, "Excuse me for five minutes - I need some downtime") and just spit it out when you need it? It might be easier to explain if you have something rote-memorized that you can just reel off when you have to.

Sorry to hear about that, I wish your friend the best of luck in the future . I usually start the calming process when I feel physical sensations that accompany such meltdowns such as an increased heart rate or tightening of the chest. I find that these sensations actually trigger a downward spiral in my thoughts and perception of the current situation because they make me feel a bit panicked. I usually respond to the sensations by making no judgement until they calm on their own. It may not work for everyone, but it I recommend it for a coping mechanism .

A Relaxing hot bath, lounging with my cat, eating chocolates or some other favorite food.. maybe a good movie with nature scenes or an actual nature walk in the park, maybe some some meditational/relaxation music..
Yoga can really help too along with that soothing, relaxing music : )

Ave Omnes,
I tend to just walk off somewhere quiet and, preferably, verydark. After that I usually do the whole music on continuous loop thing. Although if I can't get to my music to play it, I usually just do something that doesn't need to be thought about and let my mind go blank.

Well, eventually it will.

What do you do if you can't get away and someone has you backed into a corner or even worse follows you when you try to retreat? this is where I get into trouble. It doesn't happen often but last time it did I nearly wound up in prison for 7 years for trying to kill someone.

In that case I was living with some very abusive people and had no place else to go and things just escalated (over a period of a few weeks with people constantly touching me to laugh at my reactions to being touched.... I HATE BEING TOUCHED.) until I just snapped one day.

I'll go for a walk, or if that isn't possible, I head for the toilet, or if I'm somewhere where there are no toilets, I take out a book and pretend to read while calming down.

If I know a meltdown is coming on, I try like hell to get out of that environment and go anywhere else. For me, being able to go to the park is a very important step in controlling meltdowns. It is a place I use for repairing myself, for meditation and reflection. Being out in the sun, being out in nature heals me.

Meltdowns are embarassing and humiliating. I would do anything I can to avoid having a meltdown. It's not so easy...

I was in similar situation, minus the almost-killing and the therapist said that in THAT kind of situation you're not meant to endure it. So, I don't know about the possibility of staying clam and preventing a meltdown from happening. Of course by all means it should be prevented that one can actually harm a person badly during a meltdown, but if the alternative is that one gets is abused and/or gets harmed instead, that's just not right.

I'm not sure about whether it's possible to stop a meltdown from happening. The alternative my therapist has spoken off is that one must find a way to fight this situation by controlled and calculated actions to stop it effectively before it becomes to hard to bear and causes a meltdown.

I drive to calm myself. If I've had a bad day, I'll take the long way home. If it's a nice day out, I'll go out of my way to a different plaza/mall/library/whatever just to put myself in a good state of mind. Having good lumbar support in my car's seat also helps after a long afternoon of non-stop lap swimming.

Swimming is the other exercise I use to calm myself, especially if it's a hot afternoon. I have no A/C in my car (I don't want to dump $1000 on it since I buy all performance quality parts for the rest of the car--top notch tires, OEM brakes, the best wiper blade in the store, etc) so swimming also gets me out of a sticky environment. I just have to be careful not to make the same mistake I did the first time I got into a car with leather seats after swimming and forgot to put the towel down first........

When I feel a meltdown coming on (tightness in the chest) I tend to retreat to my room if possible. There I lie down and release all the emotions that have built up inside by screaming into a pillow or crying if necessary. After about 10 min. or so I am completely refreshed.

My meltdowns almost never happen in the moment, but are delayed by hours and sometimes days from when the triggering event occurs. Often, I even have difficulty determining the exact cause.

Yes, thats something I have trouble with to NT adults around me think that one single thing caused my meltdown rather than the most recent event being the metaphorical straw on the camels back or drop of water that breaks the surface tension

I get a person to talk some sense into me, stat! Usually I panic due to my Anxiety Disorder, not the Aspergers, so my meltdowns are calmdownable when somebody puts some rational thoughts in my head and I do some breathing exercises.
If there's nobody around, I do visuialisation, and I picture a faerie world in a rich green forest I'm the queen of course

You all are so awesome. I printed out what you said and sent the responses to my friend. He's so grateful he now, after me trying to get him to join for like 4 years is now wanting to join . I checked this place out for him, then I got attached...well how could I leave? But he was never interested, then he said..."Wow all these people want to help me, who are they?" And I said...WRONG PLANET. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.