Is it natural to...
08 Mar 2008, 7:17 pm
Sedaka wrote:
from what i've read... do you think you should still be with your current gf?
Uhm, yes I think. But it is hard. Ofcourse there are things between us. My gf is also my first and only gf, so maybe I am just afraid to lose her. But we have also been through a lot together. I have been at the hospital several times when she tried suicide. I have taken care of her in her worst period. Together we have found a home with our pets. Together we talk about children. A part of the problem is I don't think of her anymore as a romantic interest but as someone to take care of (to be honest, sex is down to a minimum because she is on heavy medicine to stay okay). On the other hand, I do love her and I certainly do not want to leave her. Maybe this is for fear of not finding someone else, but there is also the fear of her going down in the drains if I leave her. But isn't that a sign of love as well?
On the other hand, of the other girl I love I only know the feeling of togethernes, but I also know she has a lot of troubles. I just dont have to cope with them always and that makes a giant difference.
Sedaka wrote:
i have tried dating other people and have not even been able to get really mildly interested in any of them. i can't shake these feelings i have for this one guy.... but i keep trying (if only passively) cause i know i have to try something to divert myself..... and maybe i will find someone else..... idk.?
It is ofcourse no coincidence that my gf and my other love likes eachother immediately. But maybe in a house situation I fit my gf better. On the other hand I just played a Elvis Costello song, Almost Blue: 'There's a girl here and she's Almost you... Almost'.
Sedaka wrote:
but maybe these feelings mean you should try exploring more? i don't know what i would think if i knew my bf wished he were with someone else or had longings for a type of connection i couldn't give him.
Exploring? Well, the girl I love is unique and I know because I looked for years and years. My gf however is also unique. I have had an interest in many girls in my time and thinking back only a few of them would be good choices for me. I need to be accepted as a person. They both have their place in that. My gf on a behavioural level. I wouldn't like to live together with a lot of other people, just because I feel at home with her. On the other hand I need some understanding on an intellectual level. I get that from my other friend. I wouldn't have sex with her anymore, just because I don't want to hurt those around us. But I'd love us to be very personal...
It's just hard...
Live is hard....
I certainly just want to keep everyone happy...
including toad; sorry for stealing your topic.
08 Mar 2008, 7:26 pm
Sedaka wrote:
i don't know what i would think if i knew my bf wished he were with someone else or had longings for a type of connection i couldn't give him.
Yes, that is a problem... That is why I am talking here. I do not want to hurt her. I'd just like to have it both ways. And maybe I can.
11 Mar 2008, 1:25 pm
Hanwag wrote:
Uhm, yes I think. But it is hard. Ofcourse there are things between us. My gf is also my first and only gf, so maybe I am just afraid to lose her. But we have also been through a lot together. I have been at the hospital several times when she tried suicide. I have taken care of her in her worst period. Together we have found a home with our pets. Together we talk about children. A part of the problem is I don't think of her anymore as a romantic interest but as someone to take care of (to be honest, sex is down to a minimum because she is on heavy medicine to stay okay). On the other hand, I do love her and I certainly do not want to leave her. Maybe this is for fear of not finding someone else, but there is also the fear of her going down in the drains if I leave her. But isn't that a sign of love as well?
I think it is a sign of love... that feeling that still remains when the lust for sex has died and you still want to be with him/her and vice versa. The only problem is that in today's instant gratification society, people are less interested in that concept of love to begin with, instead wanting to drift from partner to partner at a fairly rapid rate. This is why I asked the question "Is it natural?" to begin with...
