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brandonsheart
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09 Mar 2008, 11:57 pm

my 9 year old son is obsessed with Pokemon, the games , the books, and the shows...however we don't think video games should rule his world so we compromised....we said that as long as he plays sports ( baseball, football,and wrestling) without complaining he could have his games...it seems to be working, although he still doesn't have friends but i believe the more kids his age he is exxposed to the less likely they will pick on him throughout middle school. by the way he enjoys wrestling and learning the step by step actions and counteractions



RampionRampage
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10 Mar 2008, 1:55 am

er.
wouldn't the better sports be the ones similar to wrestling, like tennis, karate, swimming, etc?
hated team sports. hated. hated. hated. and i think a vast majority of the folks here concur. forcing your kid in social situations won't teach him anything. it taught me to dislike and avoid activities i might have otherwise enjoyed.
he needs someone to teach him, or be left to do things at his own pace. otherwise its going be be a long, painful, humiliating process before he starts to pick things up naturally.
living with your nose in a book isn't the worst way to go through school. being AS and making AS mistakes, and being forced to make them regularly without any kind of immediate support, is just going to suck. period. which is why he complains, incidentally.

ETA: this thread, btw, isn't about whether it's good for aspies to compromise, because i was all geared up to say that yes, learning to compromise is important. but what you're asking is more along the lines of, 'why doesn't he see this as a fair trade off?'


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TheDoctor82
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10 Mar 2008, 2:01 am

brandonsheart wrote:
my 9 year old son is obsessed with Pokemon, the games , the books, and the shows...however we don't think video games should rule his world so we compromised....we said that as long as he plays sports ( baseball, football,and wrestling) without complaining he could have his games...it seems to be working, although he still doesn't have friends but i believe the more kids his age he is exxposed to the less likely they will pick on him throughout middle school. by the way he enjoys wrestling and learning the step by step actions and counteractions


Dude, I hate to be so blunt, but even Keynesian economics makes more sense to me than your theory.

As long as he enjoys the wrestling, that's good- but to do all that to make sure that kids don't pick on him?

Believe me- that's NOT gonna strengthen his mettle as he grows up; that's just gonna weaken him. It'll just tell him "if you want people to like you, you have to do what they want you to do"...it's called turning him into a walking doormat.

If he learns anything at all from it, in the long run- it'll be to resent you for doing this.

Believe me- I did plenty of activities like that as a kid, cause I was forced into it: it sure didn't help to avoid me getting picked on...in fact, it sorta opened me up to even more.

Like I said, as long as he enjoys the wrestling, fine, but let him pursue his own interests. He'll respect himself a lot more, and he'll respect you more in the long run too, for it.



RampionRampage
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10 Mar 2008, 2:31 am

was thinking on this more, because i noticed this is only your third post....
you DO realize you have an AS child? this may be par for the course for NT kids or something - i wouldn't know. i always thought if a kid was into one sport, it's a good thing. but i guess he's supposed to be a jock or something?

you don't seem to grasp what AS is or what the world is like when you are not just an Aspie, but an Aspie at the mercy of of parents who have no basic grasp of what AS means. i think you need to get down to your son's eye level for a bit.
you're not going to knock the AS behavior out of him with these 'compromises'.


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TheDoctor82
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10 Mar 2008, 3:19 am

RampionRampage wrote:
was thinking on this more, because i noticed this is only your third post....
you DO realize you have an AS child? this may be par for the course for NT kids or something - i wouldn't know. i always thought if a kid was into one sport, it's a good thing. but i guess he's supposed to be a jock or something?

you don't seem to grasp what AS is or what the world is like when you are not just an Aspie, but an Aspie at the mercy of of parents who have no basic grasp of what AS means. i think you need to get down to your son's eye level for a bit.
you're not going to knock the AS behavior out of him with these 'compromises'.


I totally agree with this- it sounds like yer trying to "make your kid normal", or something along those lines, and that's just not the way it works.

See, with AS, you're on a TOTALLY different playing field, and that's something you may have to learn more about.

Dude, if the guy's obsessed with his Pokemon, encourage him to continue with it! Learn about Pokemon yourself, so you can understand your kid better. Who cares if the other kids have something against that- THEY'RE not being parented by you!

I'd also like to recommend home schooling, if possible. I barely trust public schools as it is, but I don't trust private schools much more.

Seriously- imagine spending a whole day learning about what he loves! You might even learn a little something, too!

For all you know, he could wind up taking his knowledge, and using it for financial gain, one day! We aspies ARE good at that, y'know :)



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10 Mar 2008, 6:51 am

I agree that team sports aren't a good idea. The one on one sports are better. As much as I love football (Australian that is) I couldn't play it for peanuts. I could however do the one thing that gave me an individual presence - umpire the game.

Compromises can work, but it has to be sold in such a way that it doesn't cost too much - otherwise you'll get very strong resistance.



batista90
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10 Mar 2008, 10:02 am

TLPG wrote:
I agree that team sports aren't a good idea. The one on one sports are better. As much as I love football (Australian that is) I couldn't play it for peanuts. I could however do the one thing that gave me an individual presence - umpire the game.

Compromises can work, but it has to be sold in such a way that it doesn't cost too much - otherwise you'll get very strong resistance.
wrestling:D


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batista90
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10 Mar 2008, 10:24 am

but i would like to say when he crows up a bit he is surely needing more then just sports..so dont be too though for him when that time comes:)..i have been playing since i was 6 so i know what im talking about :wink:


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becca423b
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10 Mar 2008, 10:38 am

Hm....my parents wanted me to do a lot of team things as a child and I absolutely hated it. My one year of middle school basketball was really terrible. However, team things are the only way to learn social skills......it is a dilemma.

I would say that you should help your child to find a social activity that they could enjoy (or at least tolerate). This could be a team sport, a scouts program, a dance group, a club, debate team, music group, etc. You should also help your child to find an athletic activity that they enjoy, not necessarially a team sport. They may prefer karate, wrestling or some type of more independent sport to team sports. I think the best thing for an AS child is to have at least one social activity that they are okay with, and at least one athletic activity. As the parent of an AS child, you have to be open to what they want these activities to be (even if you think chess club will make your kid unpopular).

I do agree that you should limit the amount of time he can spend on video games and make sure he plays a sport because kids need to be active in order to be physically healthy. But just remember that your child just isn't like other kids, and hence might not enjoy the same things as other kids. Your challenge is to find a balence between ensuring that your child learns the social skills he needs in order to suceed in life, and doing what he enjoys most. The bottom line is it's an NT society, and in order to be independent and suceed in an NT society one must learn how to behave in a socially acceptable manner. The key is to help your child do this while still letting him be himself and do what he enjoys. It does involve some compromise.

I think my parents did a good job, but looking back I wish they had not made me do so many activities I hated doing, and more encouraged me with those activities I loved.