I've had two major relationships, and a major could-have-been-and-we-still-want-each-other-but-I-love-who-I'm-with-currently (the second relationship)... thing.
In chronological order... The first relationship was with someone I'm unsure of. The could-have-been guy, I'm fairly certain, was an undiagnosed aspie. And the second relationship was my first with someone I'm certain is an NT.
The first relationship, me and him clicked. It was just sort of there. We knew each other deeply. I was pretty young back then; we ended it the first time because we were going to different schools, and there was a falling out afterwards... But then, not long after he switched to my school, we dated again.
Things were great for a while, of course. We were like best friends, but at the same time, together. And we were so in love. But then, communications sort of started... Breaking down. We didn't say what we meant. We didn't do what we intended. And a few months later, it ended for good. There were failings on both sides, but I still, to this day, believe the majority of the blame goes to me.
A year later, and the guy I think has AS comes into the picture. Once again, I find what I'd had with the first guy, albeit on a much greater level. All those crazy, insane, I-understand-you feelings returned, and were reciprocated. But, as with before, the problem was in communication. Neither one of us admitted liking the other before until a few weeks ago, in the midst of my second relationship, one that's still going.
The third relationship... It's very, very different. He's the NT. The click that I had with the other two, the rare understanding of how the other person thinks and feels, it isn't there. And the relationship, generally, has a different feel. While I was passionate in the beginning (as with any relationship), we've slowly simmered down into a more best friend/lover thing. Instead of that passion, there's a general happiness that I never really achieved with the other relationship, or the could-have-been aspie guy. I just feel good around him.
With the lessened passion, you'd think that the bonds would be weaker than they are with the others, but quite the opposite. I'm as strongly attached to him as I've ever been with the other two. And it's been easier to keep this relationship going; we're more able to talk about things than with the other two guys. While there's been rough spots, especially with things that have happened with the could-have-been aspie, we're still going strong. Who knows how long it'll last, with everything that's going on in my life right now, but I hope it does last, at least for a while.
16 Mar 2008, 10:50 am
