Are you shy around even your best friends and your family?

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Ana54
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10 Mar 2008, 5:00 pm

I lived with my parents all my life and I'm shy around them. I feel awkward when in the same room as one of them. I started feeling this way a lot about 3 or 4 years ago, and it became extreme after I turned 18 and was still living with them, and has been for the last 2 years. Sometimes I get sick of the shyness and complain to them about all my problems, but then when they tell me off for bothering them with my problems I get shy again. There is no reason or other explanation for this shyness with them, it's just shyness. When I'm around them often don't walk right or with normal posture, I don't know what to do with my hands, I don't know where to look, I can't walk right, I don't want to talk because I'm afraid I might talk too loud or too quiet or have the wrong tone of voice. I'm even conscious of when I blink. I then start to worry if I blink too much or too little or look conspicuous or awkward and I sometimes don't want attention and just to be left alone, but not the "don't bother me" kind of it, I just don't want to be even noticed or seen or looked at. But I don't want them to be conscious of the fact that I don't want to be noticed or seen or looked at, or even that I'm there.



SilverProteus
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10 Mar 2008, 5:05 pm

No.


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IdahoRose
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10 Mar 2008, 5:11 pm

I feel the exact same way around my family members. I know they love me very much and are used to my eccentric behaviors, but I can't help but feel really timid and self-conscious around them.



Shayne
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10 Mar 2008, 5:12 pm

ya i feared my parents.

i mastered the art of ninjitsu to get around without being noticed.

i live with my gf and her mother and her sister now.
i often feel guilty for being present.
and when they give me presents.

a lot of the time, i probably wont leave the bedroom.



Ana54
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10 Mar 2008, 5:49 pm

I know; I didn't want them to notice me at all. I didn't want to leave any sign of my presence. No food gone from the fridge (but I had to eat, and felt bad about it), and I didn't like sitting in the room with them (and I never had anything to say anyway-- I wasn't into history or politics and all that other depressing stuff they talked about all the time, and I had no interest in getting interested, and so don't bother me about how I "need to know" and "for my own information" and "so I don't look like a dummy in front of people" and the other BS. I'll learn at my own speed.).



roygerdodger
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10 Mar 2008, 6:09 pm

Oh, yes. :oops:



Selo
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10 Mar 2008, 6:14 pm

I'm always outgoing, even around strangers. Less so with my family because they're annoying and I'm usually in my room when I have to deal with them, but I'm still pretty loud and energetic then.



asplanet
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10 Mar 2008, 7:53 pm

When younger I was so shy could not look at anyone :oops: , but with age and maturity I found came confidence.. :D but never really found true confidence until I was diagnosed with Aspergers I now know and understand myself like never before :wink: .


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Io
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10 Mar 2008, 8:20 pm

That sounds like me. And then the more I would withdraw like that, the more they would get "concerned" and bother me about it. It was a vicious cycle. :( Thank God I don't live with them anymore.



jason_b1980
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10 Mar 2008, 9:52 pm

I am like this as well. When I am at work or around friends, or even strangers, I am usually pretty talkative and can be myself, but when I am around family I get really nervous and anxious, and don't talk that much.

With me I think it's an anxiety thing, and I also don't have that much in common with them, which makes me uncomfortable. When I am around my mom (I live with her) I am afraid to be myself, because she is the paranoid type always bugging me about things, playing 20 questions, and accusing me of stuff. I am afraid to even invite anybody over for fear that she will either run them off, or they will run away themselves.

My family is the cause of a lot of my anxiety and problems.



mikibacsi1124
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10 Mar 2008, 10:01 pm

I'm probably more inhibited around my family than I am anyone else (except when I'm really upset). As for my friends, I have my moments where I just don't feel like I have anything of value to contribute to the conversation, so I just keep quiet.



ebec11
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10 Mar 2008, 10:36 pm

Ana54 wrote:
I lived with my parents all my life and I'm shy around them. I feel awkward when in the same room as one of them. I started feeling this way a lot about 3 or 4 years ago, and it became extreme after I turned 18 and was still living with them, and has been for the last 2 years. Sometimes I get sick of the shyness and complain to them about all my problems, but then when they tell me off for bothering them with my problems I get shy again. There is no reason or other explanation for this shyness with them, it's just shyness. When I'm around them often don't walk right or with normal posture, I don't know what to do with my hands, I don't know where to look, I can't walk right, I don't want to talk because I'm afraid I might talk too loud or too quiet or have the wrong tone of voice. I'm even conscious of when I blink. I then start to worry if I blink too much or too little or look conspicuous or awkward and I sometimes don't want attention and just to be left alone, but not the "don't bother me" kind of it, I just don't want to be even noticed or seen or looked at. But I don't want them to be conscious of the fact that I don't want to be noticed or seen or looked at, or even that I'm there.
Mind you, with your family life, that makes sense. My family life is about being open and laughing a lot, so I don't feel shy with them.



nomad21
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10 Mar 2008, 10:47 pm

My parents are the ignorant type that have this mindset that nothing bad can happen to their children, they are perfectly healthy, etc. I self-diagnosed myself with AS, I know I must have it, I fit most if not all of the symptoms. I tried talking to my mom about it once and she brushed it off with a bunch of excuses. Not only that, but they also are overly concerned. Like I was getting a bad grade in 2 of my classes so my mom was all over me, "Are you depressed? Do you need to see a councilor? You can talk to me, you know." and dozens of other questions.

I simply don't feel comfortable talking to my parents, especially about serious stuff, so I remain shy around them.

Best friends... I am shy around all of them except for one. The one I am not shy with is also an Aspie, and he's my best friend.



mikebw
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10 Mar 2008, 11:23 pm

Not really. I'm just quiet. If I have something to say, I say it. Most of the time I don't have anything to say. I'm not afraid of looking weird or interacting or anything.

I am shy with the rest of the family(Cousins/Aunts/Uncles/Grandparents) that I really don't know because we only see each other for a few hours every few years. I feel anxious around them.


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Ana54
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14 Mar 2008, 11:38 am

When my parents did something for me, like brought me back something to eat or ordered something and shared it with me or something, I always wondered, since we were strangers from each other because I was always in my room, I should say thank you like a stranger would, only I was too embarrassed. I would continue to stuff my face because I was hungry, taking second and third and sometimes fourth slices of pizza, sometimes eating like half of it. :oops:



merrymadscientist
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14 Mar 2008, 3:00 pm

I am still a bit shy around my family. As a teenager I was very shy, even with my mother. I was too shy to tell her simple things like I needed a bra or some more sanitary towels. As a consequence I was laughed at at school for not having a bra and had to stuff my pants with tissues. I remember being angry that I was the first child and had to deal with these things first. Also that my mother never seemed to anticipate my needs in these matters. As a teenager I never spoke to my parents. Over 10 years later I am still distant with them. And yet there is nothing wrong with them as parents. I just never felt close to them, that is all. My mother would be considered as quite cool and kind by most people - and she is. I just never felt close enough to be able to talk about anything that was important. When I was depressed at 17 she tried to talk to me about it and I just went completely mute, looking out the window whilst she cried and pleaded with me not to kill myself. I feel really bad for it now.