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miserylovescompany
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11 Mar 2008, 5:46 am

Surrendered Wives

This kind of makes me a lil bit sick that someone is filling women's heads with all this nonsence, specialy with incedents of domestic abuse and rape on the rise.



BenYoung
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11 Mar 2008, 7:13 am

I freely admit my extreme bias here, but just quickly looking at the website, I can say that my marriage would have been alot better, and my wife would have been a lot happier if she had tried something like this.

The approach this book advocates would not work in an otherwise abusive relationship, and is not meant for that. Women can be careful to avoid abuse and still 'surrender' as long as there is no abuse. (I am not comfortable with that term, but it works.) There is no contradiction between the two.

Maybe this is not the ideal sort of marriage, I will not comment on that, but it would have worked. Instead my wife made sure not to surrender on anything. That did not work. And she had people filling her head with ideas about abuse and such instead. Especially when I said things would get better if she would submit more. That was pure abuse, she was told (and I am dealing with a very conservative religious Jewish community.)


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Aridarr
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11 Mar 2008, 7:19 am

This is why I hate people.

BenYoung wrote:
I freely admit my extreme bias here, but just quickly looking at the website, I can say that my marriage would have been alot better, and my wife would have been a lot happier if she had tried something like this.


Oh, go buy a dog...

Correction: You would have been a lot happier.


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BenYoung
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11 Mar 2008, 12:52 pm

Aridarr wrote:
This is why I hate people.

BenYoung wrote:
...
Correction: You would have been a lot happier.


No question about that.

But there is no reason we should not both be happier. I am not saying that what this book suggests is ideal, but I think it has its place.


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Who_Am_I
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12 Mar 2008, 4:29 am

These two points

Quote:
# Express their needs while also respecting their husband's choices
# Resist the temptation to criticize, belittle or dismiss their husbands


seem like a good idea for ANYONE to bring to a relationship. I think it's called "acting like adults" and "not being an a***hole".
The rest of the idea makes me sick.


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LostInEmulation
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12 Mar 2008, 8:05 am

It can be possible to criticize someone and still behave like an adult. My mother is a master in that art: instead of saying what is bad about the plans, she suggests what would be better (and sometimes gets annoyed about my priorities).

Well, I think this book should be written for men as well, because it seems to be one of the books, which say 'you are responsible for the unhappiness of the marriage!' That is a very bad idea. Both persons (and the children) need to work together to make a marriage work! Also the idea seem to be very medieval. In short: this book is a bad idea and will only make you unhappy!


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serenity
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12 Mar 2008, 8:19 am

Wow, I feel like I traveled back in time to 1930 while visiting that site. :roll: A good marriage is where both partners surrender to each other. They are equals, and consider how their actions will effect the other partner. No one has more control then the other one.

I remember that right before I was married that I informed my husband, and the Justice of The Peace performing the ceremony that I will not say say the vow 'to love, honor, and obey'. I am not a dog.



Aridarr
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12 Mar 2008, 8:22 am

BenYoung wrote:
I am not saying that what this book suggests is ideal, but I think it has its place.


Yeah, in the 1930's. :roll:


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Beenthere
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12 Mar 2008, 8:36 am

This crap infuriates me.

After spending 10 years in a relationship where I had no choice but to surrender at times...or he would make my life he$$... :evil:

I've spent the last couple years just figuring out that my life has worth again.

Why should anyone have to surrender? Why should anyone want to control another human being?

Maybe some do...if so, than find someone else that wants the same thing, don't write a book about it and preach it as the "cure-all" to save your marriage, and if you do make sure you put a chapter in there about verbal and physical abuse too, so that the women buying this know the difference.

Send me Laura Doyle...someone needs to bring her back to reality. :twisted:


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