I freely admit my extreme bias here, but just quickly looking at the website, I can say that my marriage would have been alot better, and my wife would have been a lot happier if she had tried something like this.
The approach this book advocates would not work in an otherwise abusive relationship, and is not meant for that. Women can be careful to avoid abuse and still 'surrender' as long as there is no abuse. (I am not comfortable with that term, but it works.) There is no contradiction between the two.
Maybe this is not the ideal sort of marriage, I will not comment on that, but it would have worked. Instead my wife made sure not to surrender on anything. That did not work. And she had people filling her head with ideas about abuse and such instead. Especially when I said things would get better if she would submit more. That was pure abuse, she was told (and I am dealing with a very conservative religious Jewish community.)
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The Devil he looked at the mangled Soul that prayed to feel the flame,
And he thought of Holy Charity, but he thought of his own good name: --