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KRIZDA88
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11 Mar 2008, 8:37 pm

I do not pick up on flirting well, there have been many times when my mom will be like "That guy was trying to talk to you, why didn't you answer?" or "He was flirting with you, why did you ignore him?" The answer: I didn't notice. I can't tell the difference between someone just being polite and someone who is actually interested in me. In grade school I litterally had guys fighting over me (mostly because I would talk to them about things they were interested in like rodeos or video games or hunting), but once highschool hit I didn't have any semblance of a boyfriend (except once with my mom's best friends son, it lasted a few weeks, he was really shy and I don't like to initiate every conversation so we usually sat and stared at each other). Now that I'm 20 I can't help but wonder if I will ever meet anyone. I have a guy friend I have lunch with every week and he's probably the closest thing to a boyfriend I've had in a while I've known him since grade school we just never hung out much until we both went to the same college and are working on business related degrees. We both feel much more comfortable with people we already know and so when we latched onto eachother freshman year and we've been hanging out ever since, we have mutual friends as well so we go out as a group most of the time. He actually came to my birthday dinner a few weekends ago at my house with my family and one other friend (who at the last minute was able to get time off work to come). I figured he would be really uncomfortable (at least until Amanda showed up) but he didn't do too bad. I'm pretty sure he just sees me as a good friend and someone to talk to, but I don't know.

Anyway, does anyone have any advice?


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Noelle
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12 Mar 2008, 1:50 am

I hate to say it, but if a man can't communicate to you in a way so you notice, he isn't worth it. At least that is how I treat the men who do the weak flirting thing and don't just be an adult and speak what is on their minds - if they want to go out and to get to know me better, they can ask! I like it when men drop the hint with something tangible, not all that crap with stares and postures and tones of voice and vague comments about looks and such. "Yes, I know I am looking fine, so why are you bothering to tell me this?" is how I respond (on the inside) to compliments, which I guess is called a flirt. I don't get it either, in other words.

The fact that in some cultures, flirting is nothing about interest and more about a way to communicate with anybody of the opposite sex, that makes it harder to translate -- like, are they doing this because they have an interest in me, or is this what they do to everybody they meet?

You will find who you look for. There are matchmaking services that take all the flirting out of meeting people. Lots and lots of blind dates. If you can't understand when a guy is flirting, maybe you can be the one to initiate the communication, to remove the mystery of the situation.



zee
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12 Mar 2008, 2:04 am

Yeah I agree with Noelle--a lot of guys will flirt with any girl, just to test their luck. If they are actually interested in you they should make more of an effort, although it doesn't hurt to meet them half way. By that I mean, if you are friendly in return to all the guys you meet, it will be more likely that you meet someone special, rather than if you are always aloof. (I know, it's hard to do sometimes.)

Also remember that being initially attracted to someone is one thing, but to be really interested in someone you have to know something about them. So again, being open to different people will help facillitate this, but don't take someone's initial interest too seriously. :)



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12 Mar 2008, 3:46 am

OK, this sounds a little geeky but I'm more turned on by a guy that talks to me than the flirting. Some flirting is good if it doesn't sound like he's just wanting to get laid. I don't always know if the guy's interested in me though but in one relationship I had, it made things easier. We would get together and talk about stuff plus we shared interests. Then eventually we started dating. The guy I wasn't fond of did a lot of flirting which I think for insecure purposes, made me go, "OMG, he likes me!" We didn't connect however, he'd just chat with me using hey baby talk, and do you fantasize about me b/c I can't stop fantasizing about you. I don't know why but it just didn't turn me on and I left him in the cold. Plus, I'm not much of a flirt myself or real good at talking sexy. I usually get along with guys who aren't so involved with the idea of sex. I'm not a prune BTW, I love a guys who can say sweet nothings into my ear, I just don't like the hey baby crap b/c I know all they're going to want is to get laid. Well, I guess I need to watch it when I say all. Most guys I've come across sound like they want to get laid.



KRIZDA88
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12 Mar 2008, 9:36 am

I guess my biggest thing is not recognizing when some one is talking to me and not the people around me... so I don't respond because I don't think I'm being spoken to, this happens most ofen if I'm stressed or on a mission because I shut out everything around me. I am friendly to people who talk to me when I know they are talking to me...


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-Bigfoot IS blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer?s
fault. He's a large, out-of-focus monster, and that's extra scary to me.

-If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?


MR_BOGAN
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13 Mar 2008, 6:50 pm

I'm a guy.. Just having a nose though this forum.

Thought I should share this with you.

How do you tell when I guy likes you????

When I'm really atracted to a girl I've found that I tend to become a little nervous and shy and start acting a bit odd, say things that are a bit stupid. My brain goes a bit funny. :oops:

On the other hand when I'm not that interested, I just be myself and relax more and can communicate better. Then I seem to give a good impression.

So to tell if a guy likes you, see if he starts acting a bit strange around you. If he is a bit strange in the first place, it maybe hard to tell, well see if he is acting stranger than normal. :P



LeKiwi
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14 Mar 2008, 6:33 am

Haha, I was always useless at this. I would flirt like mad apparently, and had girls actually bitching about me that I was trying to steal their boyfriends or whatever at school, but I never realised I was flirting and didn't know they were either!! It was a constant problem; I thought we were just joking around and having a laugh as friends like friends do. But apparently there's a distinction I never really picked up on, unless it was super-obvious flirting. It's strange though, I could always tell right away when another couple were flirting or liked each other - it was the outsider-looking-in thing; I just never noticed myself.

For that reason, I found, all through my teen years, the best the way to tell if a guy liked me was for all my friends to say "Honey he is SO INTO YOU HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT *friends proceed to mock wring my neck*" or something like that. If they got suitably annoyed that we were "Always flirting with each other!" and "it's so obvious! He does this this and this, he is so into you, are you blind or something?!" then I'd figure they were probably telling the truth and would go for it, and they'd be right. My friends were my best gauge.


I actually found my other half on another forum online for a band we like. It was much easier online, though not deliberate - we just got chatting and kept chatting - but it meant we got to know each other probably before the physical stuff could be introduced. Flirting is much easier to pick up with words and skype than in person I find.


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hartzofspace
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04 Apr 2008, 2:02 am

Well, I found a checklist on line the other day, (can't remember the link) but it had a list of things that a guy will do to show he is interested. I was watching this guy that I was sitting across from, while at a social event. I noticed that body language was favorable: He sat "open" arms not crossed, body turned slightly towards me, and one leg even extended towards me. He looked directly into my eyes when speaking, and laughed at my jokes. According to this list, these were all good signs. The only thing is, he's too young for me. :( As an Aspie, I don't care too much about people's ages, unless they are really very young (like teens). Hope that helps.


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D1nk0
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04 Apr 2008, 11:08 am

Noelle wrote:
I hate to say it, but if a man can't communicate to you in a way so you notice, he isn't worth it. At least that is how I treat the men who do the weak flirting thing and don't just be an adult and speak what is on their minds - if they want to go out and to get to know me better, they can ask! I like it when men drop the hint with something tangible, not all that crap with stares and postures and tones of voice and vague comments about looks and such. "Yes, I know I am looking fine, so why are you bothering to tell me this?" is how I respond (on the inside) to compliments, which I guess is called a flirt. I don't get it either, in other words.

The fact that in some cultures, flirting is nothing about interest and more about a way to communicate with anybody of the opposite sex, that makes it harder to translate -- like, are they doing this because they have an interest in me, or is this what they do to everybody they meet?

You will find who you look for. There are matchmaking services that take all the flirting out of meeting people. Lots and lots of blind dates. If you can't understand when a guy is flirting, maybe you can be the one to initiate the communication, to remove the mystery of the situation.



What a load of BS. A lot of guys are nervous about rejection and being too foward. One of the big indicators is eye contact. When I see a girl I like or if Im talking to her I will look directly at her, even from a distance. If you are sitting next to him and he moves closer and/or puts his hand on you-even if its just your shoulder or your arm thats a Very BiG hint. Some guys(like me) can be very foward and will put their hand on your thigh or cuddle up next to you when they are interested you. If you are actually dating someone and he slaps your Butt, that means he definitely wants you sexually :wink: .



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04 Apr 2008, 11:13 am

zee wrote:
Yeah I agree with Noelle--a lot of guys will flirt with any girl, just to test their luck. If they are actually interested in you they should make more of an effort, although it doesn't hurt to meet them half way. By that I mean, if you are friendly in return to all the guys you meet, it will be more likely that you meet someone special, rather than if you are always aloof. (I know, it's hard to do sometimes.)

Also remember that being initially attracted to someone is one thing, but to be really interested in someone you have to know something about them. So again, being open to different people will help facillitate this, but don't take someone's initial interest too seriously. :)

I avoid talking to ugly girls. I don't know if its part of my aspergers or its just me.



errr
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04 Apr 2008, 11:45 pm

maybe you shoudnt look b***h
you suck
you shoud go in a pycho house



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05 Apr 2008, 12:14 am

Maybe you should leave troll.


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D1nk0
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05 Apr 2008, 1:05 am

errr wrote:
maybe you shoudnt look b***h
you suck
you shoud go in a pycho house


I just *love* it how your profile says you're female when you're obviously a Dude :lol: .
Maybe you've just been Bungholed a few times to many by your boyfriend that he refers to you as his "woman". :mrgreen:



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06 Apr 2008, 11:35 pm

I could never tell that. If he says he likes you, that's a pretty good indicator. Otherwise, I can't offer anything, sorry.

I will say this though: social people aren't always right about whether or not someone is flirting and/or interested in you either. A few years ago, my group of friends (with the exception of one, who threatened murder a couple of times) was absolutely convinced that I should go out with a guy I was sort of friends with, because "he obviously like[d me] and is always flirting with [me]" and "[we]'d be the perfect couple." Now mind you, I was not attracted to him, and quite frankly, I didn't want to go out anyway. They kept on insisting they were right for the rest of that year and the next. They know these things, ect, ect. As it turns out, he's not interested in women at all. So, really, they were completely wrong, and they're supposedly the good at social cues people.


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06 Apr 2008, 11:53 pm

Sorry, no help here either. I could never tell either unless they specifically told me...hmmm...

A man I used to work with (may he rest in peace), used to make fun of me all the time about it. I met a guy once, he would call me, we'd see each other, etc...but he never tried to make any moves or anything...he would even bring me lunch at work sometimes...and of course, I would tell my friend, "ah, no, we're just friends...he's a really nice guy, but he doesn't really like me, otherwise he would've told me..." haha Needless to say, he would always tell me, "how can a girl that's so smart be so ignorant when it comes to knowing when someone likes you???"

Another time I had a friend, we were best friends (or so I thought)...I'd call him up to take me to Home Depot to look around, etc...we drove to pick up his brother one time from college in the middle of the night, etc...he was great...one day we were at his apartment and I said to him..."hey, you'll never gonna believe it, but crazy X person told me you liked me...can you believe that..what an idiot, I told her we were just friends..." to which he responded "well I do..." sigh...

And yet another time a guy sent me roses for my bday, I was about 17...he would do anything for me...pick me up and take me with my friends to the amusement park, whatever...we were friends for years...and right when I decided to go live with my current husband, he finally said, "I can't believe you like a hispanic guy...all this time I liked you, since you were 17 (by then I was 33) and I thought you just didn't respond because you didn't like hispanic guys..."...sigh...He didn't marry or find a girlfriend until I got pregnant...

and the list goes on, and on, and on...hehe

So, sorry, no help here.



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07 Apr 2008, 5:06 pm

How do you know if he likes you, or if he finds you attractive?

When a man finds me attractive, he either runs and hides (fine by me), or he looks me up and down and that certain energy comes off him (very annoying at work).

If he likes me he talks to me like I'm a person and it feels safe and relaxed.

The Rules says that if a man is interested, really interested, he'll let you know. And if he doesn't say anything, he's probably just not that interested, shy or not. Probably true.

However, there are times I have wondered. There have been guys who have been nice to me but they didn't say anything, and it never occurred to me they might be interested until it was too late. One guy was interested, but didn't say anything and I only knew because he was sad when I moved away. Oops. Another guy - I honestly thought he was gay because he didn't leer, but then a couple of years later he was talking about his girlfriend. Oops again.

At the time it didn't occur to me that they might make good boyfriends, but looking back I would probably have enjoyed dating them. I wonder if it wasn't meant to be and they could tell, or, if I had shown some interest, would they have asked me out? Hard to say. In the future I will keep my eye out for guys like that and see what happens.

Definitely stay away from the leerers. I can tell you that much for sure.