Moving Cross-Country By Myself: Scary

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So I might be moving to California next week. A few months ago, I started talking to a guy I knew in college who lives there. He convinced me to move there. He offered me a job and a temporary place to stay. I went and visited him and decided I did want to move there.

Since then, he's been acting strange and unpredictable. When I say I'm coming, he says he needs more time to think about it. When I get tired of the uncertainty and say I'm staying in TX, he makes a big effort to convince me to come. When I try to point out that he's acting unusual, he just says, "So are you," deflecting the perceived criticism back at me. This seems immature.

Now he's suggesting that he wants me to arrive next week, but he's avoiding saying directly that I'm welcome to stay with him on any date in particular. When I ask him what's going on, he just gets upset and tries to accuse me of being demanding and hyper-sensitive. It's really weird. He's also going back and forth about the job offer, conveniently forgetting some past promises.

So this is very frightening. I only know one other person who lives there, someone I don't know well enough to stay with. I have to bring my 3 animals and all my stuff--without the promise of a job or a place to stay. But the opportunities I'm looking for don't exist in TX so I guess I have no choice but to take this risk.

Since he is flip-flopping so much after he has asked you to move to California, I'd be skeptical about making this big move.
If you really do move to California, you had better devise a "Plan B" should his offer of a job and place to live doesn't work out...

The grass always looks greener on the other side until you get over there...you just may be better off to stay in Texas for a little while longer and make some real preparations for such a BIG move. Do you have enough cash on hand, among other things, in case you need to stay temporarily in a motel if things don't work out?

Yeah, that's kind of how I'm thinking currently. And I'm not sure if I can afford Plan B, considering how long it could take to find a place to live, and the fact that hotels and rent cost a lot more out there.

Just do whatever you feel is best for you.

The guy is playing games with you. The support won't be there from him. If you move, make sure you have what you need to make it on your own. If you do move, don't let him mooch off of you.

If he's in college, how does he have a job for you?

Don't move anywhere without a solid job offer.


It sounds like the guy is offering only informal work, and won't be making a job offer letter soon, if ever. That's too much of a risk.



If you really want to move to California (and I just did! It's wonderful!), apply for jobs there. If you can afford to relocate yourself (figure $1200+ for a U-Haul, if you need one, plus a few nights in a hotel on the way and until you find a place to stay, gas (extremely expensive. U-hauls get about 11-15mpg), and food, maybe $2000 total), then your job options are a little better. Basically, "professional" jobs will pay relocation. Jobs that don't require a degree probably won't pay relocation, unless it's mid-career.

But once you land a job, and one that you have an offer letter for (which states things like when to start and how much you'll be paid), it's just too risky to move cross-country. I definitely wouldn't have moved if it was just some friend who was offering a job informally.


Also, NTs HATE HATE HATE you asking them why they're acting weird. NEVER NEVER NEVER bring that up. If they're acting weird, the safest thing to do is back off. This is coming from extensive personal experience.

follow your gut instinct, taking a big leap such as moving to another state is risky if your friend is flip flopping, its not to fun being stuck in a strange city with no support

If it feels wrong, it is wrong. At the end of 1983 I was out of work, My girlfriends father told me he could get me work in Orange County. My girlfriend and I went down there and ended up spending my severance from my previous job. Then we were broke, and unlike the country songs "we were poor and it was okay", well it wasn't. Being broke and out of your comfort zone sucks! We were fighting constantly and split over me being stupid enough to believe her father actually would do what he said.