Bad temper/outbursts

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Apart from the obvious strategy of avoiding situations which are stressful and likely to provoke these, does anyone have any tips/methods they use for restraining/mediating/controlling outbursts of anger? I have less of these than I used to but still just get moments where I'm seeing red before I know what's happened. Any advice please?

well...if i get meltdow im gonna be restained by people in here ..so maybe u could tell some hold u down while u meltdown?

I wish I could help you, I seem to have the opposite problem. I have always had excellent self-control, and don't know where it comes from. It seems that I have a need to rationalize everything, and, after rationalizing things, they just don't bother me enough to get seriously upset. It's almost like, I don't know what is supposed to make me angry. I think my temper is broken.

I used to have a really bad temper when I was younger, but I learned to control it. Now it takes a lot to get me angry. Still have a temper deep down.

Whenever I start to get in a bad mood, I just mentally fight it and after a while it goes away. The more I do it, the more mentally tougher I become. I do the same thing to keep myself in a positive mood.

You could try doing that, it mentally wears you out for a start, but you get better the more you do it. (that's me though, I'm not sure if it will work for you, no harm trying I guess)

hey, my answer is take 2 steps back and leave the situation to calm down. Do breathing exercises. I'm allowed at work to go out back and do like 10 min of Tai Chi. But doing something like Tai Chi or exercise at the gym routinely, it helps with getting endorphines into your system and those reduce stress. Usually my outbursts are caused with the surfacing of negative thoughts. Its hard and i'm still dealing with this too but the idea is to answer those negative thoughts with positive ones and try to refocus. In most situations even at work they allow you to get a drink of water or something (if they don't then it may not be the best environment for ya). Oh and another way for meltdowns to happen is when your brain tries to do too many things at once it gets frustrated (sucks not being able to multi-task as well as other people), try to surround yourself in environments where there is at maximum only one or two things that will push your comfort zone, and reduce as much the number of tasks your brain does, but increase the quality of those tasks. Quality tasks are those that keep your mind occupied and in a joyous state.

In the past, before I realized it was AS, when I had a meltdown I would call a crisis hotline. Because intsead of stimming or screaming or whatever, I held it all in, and the energy converted into suicidal feelings. So from holding it in, I called help so they would pick me up. They would pick me up, put me in an ordered & tame place, and whaddaya know, the problem would fade. Also, I have leftover pills from my bipolar days and take a third of a pill. Just enough to reduce the meltdown to a size manageable by non-med means.

I almost never lose my temper, I usually stay open-minded about things. I feel like times where I any normal person would have got mad. I don't get mad.

THe TV makes me angry. Certain actors, certain characters on certain shows just really burn me. To the point where I'm spitting-mad, literally gnashing my teeth and red in the face. Of course I realize it's just teevee, rationally. But some part of my psyche responds to persons portraid on screen with anger.

I suppose I have a lot of repressed rage all bottled up and forced down so deep it's coming out in weird ways. Weirder still is that I am by non means an aggressive person. Things that make me very upset would not make sense to anyone else. Mainly it's the ongoing frustration at having such poor coordination, being so awkward, etc.

I've gotten so good at recognizing when I'm about to have an outburst that I can actually warn the people around me. I haven't had a real outburst for a very long time since I've taken a very causal and optimistic view towards life. It doesn't keep me from seeing problems, but it helps me handle them.

Some of the strategies mentioned above also work for me. I live in the SF Bay Area, and we have some of the most consistently crowed/annoying traffic in the country. We are in the top 5 or 6 urban sprawls so its easy to get pissed in traffic. My coping strategy for traffic is two fold 1) while using highway 680 between San Jose and Vallejo I listen to Celtic music or Sarah Chang playing Mendelssohn rather than my usual Offspring/Filter type music or 2) rather than allow myself to get angry about a particularly stupid bit of driving, I tell myself that the driver in question will still be an idiot whether I get mad or not. As for the obsequious suckass backstabber type personality that show up on the job from time to time, well I just dealt with one last year. While most of the crew tried to avoid interaction with him, I engaged every time I could get a telling shot. I was obvious to everyone in not liking him and he sued for peace but kept bothering the rest of the crew. Eventually they got rid of him through scheduling a drug test and offering to let him drag up rather than take the test. His brother in law was my foreman, he stayed out of so as not to cause friction with his wife. If more people would stand up to this type of anti social personality and made them pay a price then they might change their ways. These two things are my most commonly encountered irritants. So I try not to get mad as much as be effective.

Thanks everyone. I'll definitely try to implement a few of the strategies mentioned , but thought it might be helpful at this point to list a few of my most common triggers for this kind of thing:

1) Traffic
2) Things not working properly
2) Being told what to do. Particularly by people who clearly don't know what they're doing, or for no logical reason
3) Ignorant and obnoxious people (particualrly loud people getting in my face)
4) Sensory issues like TVs and radios left blaring, and other mindless noise

I've realised I sound pretty intolerant here. Although admittedly not the most tolerant person in the world I do only mean the more extreme forms of the above as causative factors in outbursts of bad temper. Any ideas for dealing with...?

become emotionally dead inside, it seems to have worked for me

i was only half joking there. for years i wasn't able to control it but i was also dealing with it on a daily basis so i never got a break. when i switched to a different environment (different school) i had fewer stressors so things built up more slowly so i was able to recognize the signs before the meltdown/explosion happened. I was also told by a police officer that i'd be charged with assault if i got into another fight, so i had more motivation to put the effort into stopping myself from losing control.

the first step for me was just walking away from anything that was stressing me out. this didn't always work (didn't always work well with students outside of class) but it did get me out of a few situations. occasionally i walked out of gym class and went somewhere to cool down, or walked out of class, whatever. i was able to explain to the staff members later that i had to get out and they'd either let it go or i'd get a detention (which i didn't agree with but it's better than a suspension or assault charge from blowing up). when i wasn't able to leave for whatever reason (occasionally a staff member keeping me there and not seeing that i was disturbed) then i would be MUCH more likely to have a meltdown. the most recent incident involved my house parent having me in my room and i was repeating "please leave, i'm getting angry" (you wouldn't like me when i'm angry hahaha), but the guy kept talking and talking and i was within seconds of blowing up when he finally left, frustrated that i couldn't talk to him about what was happening.

now i usually just shut down or leave. it's much easier for me to leave because i'm at university so nobody cares if you're in class or where you go. i also have a car so i can leave the school when i want. the key, at least for me, is to try to learn when it's happening (i know, it's REALLY HARD, i still have trouble with it after years of practice) and getting the hell out of dodge.

Something else you should do is invest in a punching bad and boxing gloves. That is the best way to relieve any built up stress you have, you really feel good after it. I'm do that rather than any meditation etc..

same for me

I have found that there are certain people that "push my buttons" and make me more angrier than others.. I try to AVOID these people at all costs.. no matter what the reason, no matter who they are.. even certain family members.. I didn't realize certain people were making me so angry until I got away from them, and then I knew.. I hopefully, in the future, will never let them get to me again... It can be so subtle that I don't even realize it... that I'm being manipulated or talked down to or goaded by a person.. It's only later that I know that they were the cause of it..

Well, there's this expression: "No one can MAKE you feel anything.. " So as to imply that only I can allow a person's actions to effect me by interpreting them in such a way.. etc.. etc.. When someone says something that would have ordinarily got me angry, I try to catch myself from raging first.. and either re-interpret what they are saying or just see them as a complete jerk that feeds off making me angry.. Try not to feed them and walk away... AVOID these people once you recognize that they regularly get you angry.. If it's a work place situation or school where you are forced to be near them, try not to talk with them and distance yourself as much as possible.. If you feel yourself starting to get sucked into the scenario, try to catch yourself and know that it isn't worth it -- having those negative emotions.. they just eat you up inside and feed the antagonizer...

Yeah I think this is the part of it giving me most trouble. I think I read somewhere that aspies have problems recognising they're stressed until it gets to crisis point. I only noticed last night how stressed I still was from a long shift at work 2 days ago. I'd had a feeling of something being 'not right' but didn't really recognise it for what it was. When I did I was able to do things to relax. Is this just something that comes with time/experience?

Also, having only found out I have AS a few months ago I'm still finding it hard to get out of the mindset which has developed over my life of 'stop making a fuss and just be like everyone else. They can cope, why can't you?' Now I know why things are beginning to change but its still a slow process.