my son can't or won't do his homework
30 Mar 2008, 6:39 pm
windrift, there is no kindly or constructively, I think. There are things I could never talk with my parents about because even if they tried to be nice about it other people weren't or I already felt so bad about it that I thought they were saying what I was feeling. I became "I'll show you!" often because I felt that I was always trying to make my homework smaller but it kept getting bigger and people kept getting more accusing and I never had more than an hour to myself unless I was asleep. Not doing my work but being punished wasn't different from doing my work and not being punished because either way I had no time to do the things I wanted to do unless I hid the time.
It's the nature of AS. Homework doesn't make sense. It's also kind of a pointless venture, because AS kids just don't think it's necessary to do repetitive busy work. Grades are also not much of a motivation. They're just not. AS kids don't often do things that make other people feel good, and grades are definitely for others and to make others feel good.
I agree. I was already at school for nine hours so why do I have to do more at the expense of things I liked? It was neverending and I was always angry, frustrated, and ready to break down emotionally! But if there had been time to do it when I was at school, if the work had related to things I liked, or if I had time set aside to do what I liked even if I hadn't finished my work, then I felt much better about things because it felt less all-consuming.
Homework doesn't have to be easy to be pointless, and in trying to obscure which homework is pointless teachers make it hard to see that there is any that is not. When you see years ahead of you doing work that is difficult and unclear and time-consuming and mandatory, but often meaningless, it doesn't matter that there's an end to it or that people will dislike you if you don't. Everyone hates you already and it feels very hopeless (not that I could articulate that at the time). I was someone who liked learning things in school too.
31 Mar 2008, 12:39 am
I agree with cas and Liverbird; I hated homework, and after I managed to to work out a way to get my work done, I did a lot better. Now I'm graduated, after having earned my high-school diploma.
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31 Mar 2008, 10:27 am
I don’t know if this is possible but it might help to have him do his homework in a resource room for an hour after school. The school could have a way to make sure your son is actually putting in a solid effort for the entire hour. He could take home a note from the aid in the resource room verifying that he worked the entire time.
As long as he puts in the time in the resource room he can be free to relax and not have to worry about homework once he comes home. You could then allow him unlimited computer time (within reason). However, if he can’t prove that he actually worked the full hour in the resource room he shouldn’t be allowed any computer time until he puts in a full hour at home.
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31 Mar 2008, 3:50 pm
All I can offer is how things went for me. I stopped doing homework in about 6th grade... and where i could before that. I was lucky in that the teachers were understanding for grades 6th-8th as it was a private school. They let me get away with it because as others have mentioned here... they understood that I did know the subjects. I admit in high school it was a bit harder as it was a public school and was much larger. But having a wonderful mother who spoke with the teachers and administration for me; I was allowed for 9th and 10th to just come in and take tests. I did what homework I felt like in 11th and 12th and graduated.
Things didn't go so well in college but that's another story.
I think from reading everyone's posts and pulling from my own experience. Find out why he isn't doing his homework. If it's because it seems needless busy work... nothing you'll ever do will get him to do it. (speaking from experience here)... then it's up to you to be the adult and speak with his teachers and work out some comprimise.
School systems are really not setup to handle those different from the norm; be it the below average, the exceptionally bright or those who are both like many aspies.
It's a fact of life and the key is to make your son a person and not a number to the school. Convince them that it is in both their and the child's best interest to come to an understanding that works for everyone.
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