How to compliment women?

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Why do women find desperation unattractive?

Nobody laugh at me for asking. Calling questions stupid makes people stupid.

Well, think of it like close friendships. If someone you don't think of as a friend seems really desperate to be your best friend, like say if they consistently try to stop to chat with you every time you say hello to them or tell you all about their personal issues and keep offering to help you out with things, would that make you feel awkward? Many people would not react very well to such an intrusion into their life.

Wouldn't you have said the samething to girl?

I really don't understand the concept of patronizing. Why would someone compliment you if they didn't mean it?

If people are desperate, they are more likely to settle for just anyone rather than someone who they find special. Most people like to feel special and don't like the idea that they are with someone whose chosen them just because they would have them.

when i first read this i saw the words 'girl' and 'call' in the wrong order!

It's kind of pathetic.

And as Hector said, it may make someone feel akward.

Well in the case of complements it could be faint praise or backhanded complements. I think you do rate how important a particular achievement/skill/quality is and sometimes being over complementary on something I feel insignificant can be a bit annoying. Also if the complement doesn't quite fit in with my plan/intention, I might take it as faint praise or backhanded. However this might be due to forgetting that people don't know what I'm thinking, although it is a backhanded complement if it something so simple that most people would not need to be complimented for it.

As to why, well I learnt a long time ago that people don't always say what they mean. There are varied intentions for saying something, though it is probably healthier to assume that most people are being honest, even if they may have got the wrong idea.

Almost everyone who answered this missed the point. Desperation is a social signal that conveys information about you. If someone is desperate for attention, it probably means that person gets rejected by almost everyone he tries to befriend / start a relationship with. If he's consistently rejected by others who know him better than you, it means that he probably isn't a very good friend / partner to have in terms of value.

It may sound unfair, and it is unfair, but this is how our brains work. In lieu of appropriate first-hand knowledge, we unconsciously make decisions based on second hand knowledge. Example: ("I don't know Johnny, but I know that he has a lot of friends and that everyone likes him, so he must be a fun guy to have as a friend.") This example working in reverse is what desperation sends out.

This is the same reason that when the exact same wine costs more, people think that it tastes better. In this case, they're using the market as the source of second-hand knowledge.

That's a circular argument. It's unattractive because it's pathetic, and it's pathetic becase it's judged unattractive.

I want real answer.



In other words, you continue to reject someone after they've been rejected by others. Yes, I've read about that. It's like you want to sentence people to a Hell of eternal isolation.

I explained to you why being desperate is unattractive. It doesn't matter if you think it's fair, that's just why it is and it's how most people think.

Well here's the thing, most people want to associate with interesting people who will aid them, listen to their interests, and tell entertaining stories. With people of the same gender is marks someone who will help them get status, and resources necessary to survive. With people of different genders it marks someone who will be a potential mate. Women are attracted to someone who appears healthy, well groomed, and appears to be able to provide for them and protect them and their young. Those that can't do this are viewed as dangerous to the society as a whole and are shunned. So if someone acts desperate it signals those of the same gender that this person can't help them out later on, and to those of the opposite gender it means that this person is unable to protect them and their young or are not gonna produce young that would be attractive to others.

On to the main question at hand: compliments are great BUT realize that the more attractive the person the greater the chances that they've been complimented at least 50 billion times before on their looks. So when complimenting someone look for little things that can be complimented on quickly yet have the possibility to not have been complimented on before, for the more attractive girls its best to stick with flirtive teasing. But flirtive teasing is an art in and of itself. General rules are that anyone who is ok looking or isn't complimented often, then one or two compliments dropped into the conversation will go a long way, if however the girl is used to getting compliments (the more attractive the greater the chance) then start with teasing (especially when she's in a group) and wait for her to give you signals that she's interested in you before giving her those one or two compliments, and make those compliments be about her as a person from what you've observed instead of her looks.

Nice post AS4Life. I agree 100%. Now I just wish I had figured these things out before I was 25.

Don't worry, I'm as old as you and I had to be TOLD that. Also haven't had much of a chance to put that any knowledge to practical use. Seeing as how i'm not good at hiding my insecurities and I haven't been able to truly master that flirtive teasing stuff. (kinda fun to do though sometimes, with a responsive group of people)

In addition to the above, it also suggests you'll be prone to co-dependancy in the (a) relationship, be a stalker, and/or put their peices in a freezer if they were to break up with you after dating.

I think you may have misunderstood several key parts of my post. At no point was I claiming to provide any keys to getting ass.