Okay, so after all this, four pages of posts, I can't recall one post that mentioned what I think should be obvious:
With some Aspies, myself included, it is not a a matter of WANT to look nice, WANT to dress up. It is not a choice.
I have such severe sensory issues that I am extremely lucky if I can find ANY kind of clothing that I can tolerate having touch my skin. I have to wear really soft cotton clothing, drawstring pants, T-shirts - hell, even most yoga clothing is too confining for me I have a lot of specifications, things can't be too tight, and I'm a really small size, and all of my life I've struggled enormously just to find clothes I could bear wearing.
Color, style, if they went together, if they "looked good?" Couldn't be farther from my mind.
When you're desperate for a shirt that you can stand the feel of for 5 min or a day you really don't think about how it looks. Functionality, and survival, is sooooo much more important than something , I have to say it, rather shallow than how it looks.
I just have to say, would you rather him wear clothes that are so painful to wear he can't think, he can't talk to you, he can't work, he can't function? Because that's what happens to me when I try to wear clothes that I can't tolerate - if they're too tight or the fabric is wrong or they're touching the wrong places - my skin is so hypersensitive - I just am not aware of anything in the world but that feeling - and it sucks beyond belief.
In another world, I would love to look a little better, MAYBE, but in this world, I don't care what people think of me when they see what I wear; I am just so happy I am able to wear anything and be out in the world to talk to them. I like to think the bright smile on my face and my enthusiastic, warm personality makes up for any first impressions they might have gotten from my clothes - and if doesn't, screw them, I don't need them. I need people who will accept me for who I am in my life.
I am not saying your BF's sensory issues are as bad as mine, but I am saying maybe you should ask him, because there coiuld be a very real physical reason he dresses that way.
And while we're on the topic....if anyone can point me to any sources of loose drawstring cotton pants, organic cotton loose t- shirts, that they have found comfortable, I would be grateful as I am in dire need of clothes and have not been able to find anything I can tolerate yet. As loose as possible works best for me.
Thanks
Kate