Aspies with social skills

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How many aspies around have learned them? NT's are born with the tools to socialize, but aspies can carve those tools out of thin air through hope and effort.

I learned how to interact socially (albeit, I'm not as good as most NT's but I'm definitely 10 times better than a few years ago) and now I have plenty friends and relationships (which I can't discuss to keep this family friendly ).

Am I the only one of a few? Who else can socialize?

I first started to socialize in Judo classes, for some reason people there were more open. Maybe because instead of talking there's a lot of action, and one's actions reveal a lot about the personality, like helping a fellow student whom fell, or teaching the newbies how to do things right.

Where did you learn the social skills you use today to meet new people and make friends or business?

I'm good at socializing.
In grammer school I only had like one true friend. Now I have alot.
I don't know where I picked these skills up. somewhere in high school. It was an all guy school and we had alot of comradery. I made alot of friends playing football. Joining football was probably the best thing I did in high school. I'm still a little awkward with women though. It has gotten alot better during college.

My social skills are pretty good. I was able to hold down a job, for three years, in the 1990s and I have a fair amount of friends.

oh dear, just check the Alex doesn't have Asperger's-thread -
i'm sure that will keep you occupied for a little while

once you're through that, annex the
It's almost official, I don't have Asperger's-thread

then do some work on Semantics

then apply for any title in Autism Diagnostics &
make up your own mind

ToM would have it that one cannot make another one's mind

enjoy!

Yes and no for me. If I am hanging out with people I know really well, I don't seem to have any issues, but meeting new people I am really bad at.

I have learned a lot about how typical socialising works and I can apply a lot of this knowledge to actual situations. I have the intellectual knowledge about communication and can identify and explain the reactions of people to others if asked, this does not help me much. I can give advice on social issues of friends or explain from what a misunderstanding between two unfamiliar people derives from.

Still, I can hardly socialise. The main reason for it is that I make the impression on others that I am 'weird'. Because of this, I often lack the chance to do any concious socialising. People reject me when I sit in class. When I walk down a street. When I approach them.

Interesting enough, when they start talking to me despite this or are forced to talk to me, their behaviour changes to one of friendliness.

They're often thrown off by my body language mainly I think. When I have the chance to talk to someone prior to meeting him in person, I've been told that I am noticeable but not so in a bad way.

When I ask others who do consider me to be strange why they think this, they cannot tell. They just say that I am not like them. All my friends have told me that they had a completely different idea of how I am, before they had the chance to befriend me and get to know me.

I hate how people assume stuff about me based on whatever. It makes my life miserable. People hate me, I get a bloody unfair share of opportunities and it's just totally ridiculous to assume about another.

I can give off a momentary not-weird impression. Total concentration, I know how to do it. Naturally, that's so much concentration that I can't hold it up for long. I also can't do anything else than 'keeping up the façade' while pretending to be like everybody else. So I can't talk straight, participate in social interaction or get any work done.

The irony of this is the worst. A treat to dangle in my sight that I cannot have.

Depends, I am better with people I have known all my life though a sudden change of topic can throw me.

I am very good with bite size things like short interactions with the shop assistant, a yes please, no thank you and nice weather works and that can be practised to perfection.

I remember once going into the employment agency years ago, I did well on the tests and well at the expected questions but as I was leaving the people started some casual conversation with me and I failed miserably, I can remember it all so clearly, my long great silence and confusion and my stumbling with some completely useless answer and not being able to judge what to say or do next, I looked at their faces and I could not decide what to do, so I hurriedly smiled, said yes or goodbye or something and left.

I had blown it and I knew it.

Things are a lot better now but I have to choose my situations carefully.

I have social skills, just different-from-usual ones.

I also have far more social knowledge than I can put into practice.

I'm ok through written medium, perhaps a little repetitive in what I say; I fall into a routine easy, and I like routines. In the open, a little pedantic, or maybe a lot; quite argumentative, literal, and often sarcastic. When I'm talking to someone I know well (see: interpersonal), I revert to my "real" speech; I use third person a lot, and I constantly repeat certain phrases; my friend notices such, but she doesn't mind.

Out there, I suck. Like another member said, I have far more knowledge in socializing than what I can actually utilize. I've watched people interact, I know many of the dynamics, but I just cannot put it to practice.

I don't mind that I cannot do the latter.

Last edited by Danielismyname on 08 Apr 2008, 11:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

i've learned enough not to look weird but not enough to make friends. my parents don't think i've got social issues because i've had 19 years of learning and because, even if they never noticed, they've been good teachers. if i was doing something i shouldn't, they would explain it very clearly what not to do and what to look out for, which is why i don't go on many rants about cars or mental disorders, or lego, why i can fake eye contact, etc.

Yes indeed, same here.

I do a LOT better on the net too.

I usually do well enough in social situations. Thankfully you can learn enough social behavior to get by in most situations.

I have some learned social skills but they could be better. I suppose they are enough to be functional in most situations.

I say my social skills are good enough to get by. Like barely passing with a D in the class.

I don't know how good but I know I can talk. I can be butterfly with stranger but I can't be perfect.

This is the problem, I don't want to talk too much. I don't prefer outbounding call. It wear my brain's emotion and social out. I alway have to fake being a nice person who very helpful.

It not that I want to be mean but trying the best mean faking your way through. I learn that I have to fake til I make it. I have no idea whether it is a lie or not but I try to fly under the radar when come to job's world. In most case, I don't get accepted and that make me upset.

I get upset because I have no car with little money. People who have job and car are like on top and higher than me. They are the one that can spend $100 just to find a job. If it take $100 to find a job, I am sorry but it not worth it because I don't have that money. I remember paying $7 for job that I got declined. It is horrible.

I know how to find job, I need to find job that accept and support me.

Job economy is no good.

Enough to get by and even come off as witty in some circumstances; only looking weird and withdrawn in others.

What I have learned over the years (even though I just recently realized my aspieness) is to work with what I've got.

So, I just act the part. Instead of coming off as too dumb to speak for myself, I often play the part of a slightly shy girl, the cute but shy librarian in way. I am able to hold a very intense one on one conversation once it gets past the 'dreaded small talk' so this persona fits me well and is one I'd recommend to other aspie women with the same smalltalk problem.

It helps the more interesting you look, I've discovered. While our general tendencies are not to care so much about appearance I have learned that your appearance can do a lot of speaking for you.