Definitely The Wrong Career Choice (but too late now)

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I am not sure if I have Asperger's Syndrome or not. I have been reading about it for a couple of years now, and everything I've read seems to describe my life up to this point. I always knew I was really socially inept and introverted, and that I never seemed to understand other people (and they could never understand me), but I didn't realize until a few years ago that ot could actually be the result of a medical condition!

Well, I'm 27 years old, have a wife and two young children, and I have a job as a sales rep for a telecommunications company. I kind of got thrown into the job because I needed money, one thing led to another, and now I am in what might be in the most awkward position I could imagine: a socially inept person who makes his living by trying to sell things to other people.

Naturally, I've struggled to just achieve what the average salesperson seems to naturally be able to achieve. In some cases, I've even done really well, even better than others. But it's always been a struggle and I am constantly in a state of worry and discomfort throughout my work day.

Recently things have been getting worse though. I seem to be making some people very angry and annoyed and I don't understand what I am doing to make them feel that way. I know that my humor is very odd, or so I have been told, and I know I need to try and resist the urge to try and be funny when it only serves the purpose of coming off as strange and/or rude, but I sometimes do it without thinking.

I am on the verge of losing my job now after almost 4 years because of my inability to understand why I am making people so angry, and how to stop doing it. I have never been "tested" to see if I actually do have Asperger's, but even if I do get tested, and do have it, I don't think it would be a good idea to tell my boss because I don't think the company would want someone who cannot handle social situtations to be working in the capacity that I do, and there really are no other jobs at my company that they could move me to where I could do "less damage". But if I lose my job I have no idea how my family will survive, what we will do for money for the mortgage, bills, groceries, etc.

I really don't know what I aim to get from this post, other than someone to listen. But if anyone out there has or currently does work in a job where they MUST be social and it just kills you every day to do it, I could sure use some advice on how you survive(d) it.

Hi,

I am far too young to be in full-time employment (as a matter of fact, I'm doing my GCSEs) but I have learned about the support that people with AS can get.

Bear in mind that there is a Disability Act, so an employer cannot sack you or turn you down because of your AS.

What do you sometimes say that you think is funny? I'd be interested. (Don't worry, I've said things before too that annoy some people!)

Actually, I don't think a company can be forced to make accomidations if there is no other position that they can move you to that does not involve socializing.

I'm sorry to hear that your going through this,it must be very stressful. Talk about going into the wrong field...I was a psych major in college

Perhaps you could start looking for possible jobs outside this field. Do you have a special interest that you could turn into a job?
If they do fire you, I think you could get at least workers comp for awhile? You may want to look into other financial supports that you could access in worst case scenerio because being prepared is better then being caught off gaurd....many of the social programs take for ever to get assistence set-ep, so knowing local resources before you need them might help.

How many resources are available for adults(even with a DX),depends on your location but there are not many. You could try and contact your local area autism support group(try GRASP) for resources. I will try and provide a link if I can find it. When I got my DX, it was through a local group. However, they offered no help with employmnt or education to aid with my work crisis(though they were happy to have me come in 2X a month and complain about it...lol).I think the unfortuante reality is that there is just little awareness of AS adults and less concern then "head banging" auties...who makes a better poster to get funding?

I wish you luck.

You have an extremely difficult situation here, and yet you are writing about it very intelligently and sensibly. I think that you may be able to achieve some success with your job in a couple of ways.

My father very probably had Asperger's, way back when nobody knew what Asperger's was. He was very bright, and good-looking and tall, and so he appeared to be the very kind of person who would be successful by NT standards. But I know that he struggled socially in his job with a huge international construction firm, and he was (like you) in a sales position, possibly the worst possible position he could have been in. At the request of his boss (I'm fairly sure) he was asked to take a Dale Carnegie course (of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" book fame). This greatly helped his career, and helped to alleviate the discomfort that he felt in his job once he began to have more success. He was never remarkably successful in sales, but he did do well, and then eventually shifted from sales work to contracts.

You could try and see if they offer Dale Carnegie courses in your area, and if they aren't available, at the very least you could read the book. Also, I knew of people in similar situations who joined their local Toastmasters group, a group that helps to network and socialize. Possibly you could talk with your boss about this, not coming out categorically and stating that you have Asperger's, but noting that you do not always do well socially, and that you are working at it by looking into these various groups you could join, and reading up on how to do better socially. You never know how this could positively influence your boss -- at least you're acknowledging the problem and trying to find a solution.

Good luck -- I'm very impressed by your grasp of your situation. Possibly while you are trying to improve your current situation, you could start checking into a possibly job change that requires less social skills and more brain skills.

Kris

The ADA *americans with disabilites act* requires that an employer, when shown evidence of a persons disablity, make special and resonable accomadations for the disabled person. Now, a guy in a wheelchair obviously cannot be a beat cop, but, he could work behind a desk and still do his job. Its the same for aspies. Just because you socially do not do well doesn't mean you cannot be a salesman. You could possibly be transfered to doing maybe only incoming calls, or be required to meet a lower workload/sales number. Try for the DX, because it could prove very helpful. It does help to have an understanding boss.

If you've been there 4 years now, try talking to your immediate supervisor. If, as you say, its already looking like a fireing is about to happen, this caint really hurt you. If you're lucky, they may be willing to do something on a trial basis with you. Go to them armed with facts, and know exactly what you need them to do for you to improve your job performance.

Also, begin looking for another job now if you're worried about your family. While programmes like unemployment allow for compensation for lost wages in the event of being fired, in america its only 66% of your last wage, and there's no overtime.

Remember, all this blatering about I did is only for america, but most other countries ought have very similar programmes in place. Good luck to you!

Welcome to WP!

Thanks for all the info!

I'm already looking for other jobs, which is an added strain because if my employer found out I could be fired immediately because we have to sign "non-compete" agreements, and naturally the best chance I have for employment that won't result in a huge loss of salary is working in the same field and using my experience as a selling point, so I am talking to my competition in some cases...

Regarding the things I say or do which make people upset, I honestly don't know!! I've had 3 customers who have flat out called my boss and told him that they don't want to work with me, and my boss has tried to explain to me why, but it's like the words coming out of his mouth are in a foreign language or something, because I just don't understand it. Supposedly I have a "bad attitude" and I don't return people's calls fast enough and "don't seem interested in their problems", but nothing could be farther from the truth, it's just that I guess I come across that way because I don't know how else to act.

And even talking to my boss, I see him interacting with some of the other salesmen and joking around, and I try to joke around with them but they say I "take it too far", usually meaning I am being insensitive towards something or being too graphic about taboo subjects. I mean, I am not a hermit or anything, I have a small group of friends outside of work and even hang out on occasion with some of my co-workers while away from work, but I just don't particularly enjoy it and would rather just sit at home and hang out with my wife & kids or play on the computer or watch TV. I've always been that way, and I guess the lack of experience being social has led me to come off as "goofy" or something because I literally don't know how to act around other people and seem "normal".

If I can just get the chance to start over with customers I will just avoid trying to make jokes and the kind of "small talk" that the other people enjoy (sports, hunting, fishing, politics) and just stick to the things I am comfortable talking about. And of course, I'll have to do my best to sound "cheery" so that I don't come off as bad tempered.

Therickla, 27 is not too old to start a new career. Being in Union construction is good paying and, once you get good at it you can tell a sh***y foreman to get your money because you're going back to the hall. Thats not an option to be exercised lightly since you don't want to be labeled a troublemaker. The IBEW and the UA, in that order, are the two best educated, and best working conditions and best paying of any. The IBEW requires a MINIMUM of a high school diploma and 1 year or more, of high school algebra with C or better grade to apply for the Apprenticeship. Any College courses in physics, chemistry etc. or work of a technical nature that shows mechanical acumen will help you make the cut, if you are interested. the Apprenticeship is 5 years long and you are paid progressively higher wages as you go. It's a mix of class time and on the job training. Most of us are very good to our apprentices.

I think you should try and be proactive with the situation.

I would sit down with your boss and say that you are concerned about your situation and the impact that it is having on the company.

You say that you are often successful in selling so you must be doing something right - give yourself some credit for this.

I would ask your boss to explain explicitly (as people with AS require) what exactly people are complaining about and make a concerted effort to implement the actions.

If you feel uncomfortable with this. I would find someone outside of work who you feel you can trust and who is able to provide you with honest feedback. It may then be worthwhile seeking specialist assistance.

From what you say it sounds as though you are not empathising - which we all find difficult - to the required degree. However, this can be acquired - at least to a workable degree.

Given that you have done so well to perform in your role to date, I am sure that you can do this.

Good luck.

When you're in sales people are always going to get mad at you for various reasons. I mean, it's sales... you sell stuff to people. Sometimes, they may not want it.

It's just one of those jobs where people will likely dislike you no matter what you do. I have one of them.

27 is not too old. I haven't figured it out yet and I'm only a couple years younger.

I don't really like the idea of 'career'. I think they had the right idea in the renaissance. I mean how many people you know are an architect and surgeon and painter, etc? The whole 'careers' thing is always shoved in your face, but is it logical? I think it is better to be a thinker than a career person. Everyone wants the short term gain not wanting to make the long term but significant advances. The modern era hasn't moved on a fast as was predicted. People aren't being used efficiently for the way the think best and the skills shortage is exaggerated. It is more a case of people not wanting use their skills for piss poor pay. There are few fields where the hands on aspects are senior. Research and creative/media mainly. News reporters can be quite senior. Normally people who are trained up end up in middle management. Their skill becomes redundant after 2-5 years (unless you did a management degree in which case, good luck to you.). Often they are not encouraged to develop further (though this is contrary to what they claim/believe) due to increasingly flat organisational structures, so they either have to leap or be a drone.

Well, I was able to suck it up and put on a performance long enough to woo another company into making me an offer. Once I have it in writing I will decide how to tell my current employer, but I must have made a pretty good impression because the role they want me to take is actually a promotion from what I'm doing now and not just a lateral move for more money and a new start.

I'll know for sure next week when they send me the formal offer, so we'll see...

Thanks for all the input everyone, I really appreciate seeing everyone else's take on things and I think I'll be hanging around this site much more often.

That is great news..and inspiring, as I am getting ready to make a job change myself.

Godd luck with the new job

How on earth does an Aspie manage to get a sales job?

The advice I would give is this:

When you are in a public place, try to watch other people talking and especially pay attention to the person listening. Try to watch their face and pick up on the expressions they make. Practice mimicking those experessions in a mirror until you are semi-comfortable in your ability to recreate them.

Then, when you are with a customer, try to let them do most of the talking, so you don't screw anything up by saying the wrong thing or showing any signs of your disability. Use the facial expressions, and pay attention to the details of what they are telling you. Form a picture in your mind of the situation the customer wants, then use your imagination skills to come up with a solution. Then try your best to communicate that solution in words. If you start to get too anxious or feel uncomfortable trying to present the solution at that moment, just stall. Tell them you need to make a few calls to work out the details, and you'll get back to them. Then just send them an email with the information you want to give them, I find it MUCH easier to write something down in a coherant and confident way than to try and speak it aloud.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But thats the way sales jobs are... even the best salesmen don't win every job. It's very rewarding when you do win, and very disappointing and stressful when you don't, but the good generally outweighs the bad.

I'll tell you what though, the anxiety and stress that I have dealing with the job has given me plenty of migraines and ulcers over the years, and I'm sure I have wrinkles in my face from the stress that a 27 year old shouldn't have yet...