Does anyone here have a tranny significant other?

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wsmac
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15 Apr 2008, 2:01 am

I don't watch television so I am not familiar with the Southpark episode you mention.

From what I have experienced myself and from the stories I have heard from other people who live under the 'transgendered' umbrella, it is not uncommon for people like us to start out wondering if we are homosexual.
I have come to realize it was actually not my sexuality that was in question for me, but rather my gender.
Like many of the general population though, I tended to think only in terms of sexuality when I was dealing with my propensity for dressing in my sister's and mother's clothing... in hiding... scared shitless that someone would find me.

You see, where I grew up there was no such thing as a crossdresser, or a tranny or the whole concept of Transgender.
It was straight or queer... man or fag/fruit/fairy/etc.
I didn't have any other choices.
No matter what I really felt inside, I learned as a child that being 'queer' was BAD.
This came not only from religion, but from the community-at-large also.
I'm talking about the 60's and 70's in West Texas, mind you.

Although my earliest recollections are of me lying in bed at night hoping that in the morning I would wake up in a girl's body, I never felt any physical attraction to boys; I liked girls... not only to socialize with but to hold hands with and dream of kissing with.

So we have two things here... my sexuality was a physical attraction towards females.
My gender... how I really felt inside... was female.

My sex identification based upon my genitals was male. (oops.. actually, it still is... :oops: :wink: )
I have never had a Chromosome study done so I can only guess I probably would come out with the male pattern XY since I have never been told I exhibit traits linked with other variants.

There are scientists studying the possibility that sex hormones can affect the hypothalamus in a fetus and may influence either sexuality or gender.... or both.

Like I said earlier... every one of the trans people I know.. and I know almost a dozen personally and have written to many more online... feel they are much better off after having gone through their transition to the 'correct' gender.
I am relating their experiences to you.
I know a University Philosophy Professor who is a Transman (FtoM), lives with his 'wife', and is quite happy living as a man.
By all appearances... he is a man.
If I were to go and suggest to him that he was just confused about his sexuality and should go and be a Lesbian, I'm sure I would meet a great resistance to this.
This person KNOWS what he feels, what he has felt all his life, and certainly has the intellectual capacity to understand the difference between a 'confused homosexual' and someone who truly understands which gender they should be living as.

We can argue about this and mix terms, but I am only saying that people like me are desiring to live as a specific gender that our brains tell us we should be living as.
This issue has nothing to do with sexuality.
Because of our society's ignorance on this subject, too many transgendered people have been forced or coerced into believing they were homosexual.

Once we separate the two, we can start to appreciate the differences there and start allowing people the freedom to become the gender they really are inside.
In some cases, some folks will opt for physical changes to their bodies that will allow them to move through society in a more stealthy mode protecting them from the negative opinions, ignorant beliefs, and harmful actions of the general population.
Many desire the surgeries so they see a body that mates right with their gender.

I grew up a 'Redneck' in order to hide from the rest of the Rednecks, because I understood what some of those types liked to do to people like me.
It is quite the serious matter... self-preservation!
And again... all I heard growing up was 'you're either queer or straight!', not 'you may be male, female or some other gender'.
Heck, we didn't even have the term Bi-Sexual when and where I was growing up.
If a guy fancied a guy, there was NO WAY he would ever desire a woman also!
A queer was only good for making fun of, and beating up.
No one would dare be a friend to a queer/fag.

So you keep on talking about repressed homosexual tendencies incorrectly articulated as false gender identity all you want.
I know the difference.. I know the truth.

I questioned my sexuality my whole life only because I was ignorant about gender and it's various characteristics.
A lot of my angst over my gender was the fact that even though I would sneak around, wear women's clothing and imagine how good it would feel to finally be a girl, I was not attracted to boys.
I was so confused my whole life.
Here I was, a West Texas freak whose only options in life revolved around the sexuality issue.
Since I wore women's clothing and wished to be a girl, my only option was that I was homosexual.
So naturally I spent too much of my life questioning how I could be homosexual if I did not desire men for a sex partner... how I could find women so physically attractive yet not men.
I WORE DRESSES! I HAD TO BE A HOMO!

Are you getting the point yet?
BTW, I'm not angry and I realize my words may come off as such :D
I am actually enjoying this thread although I seem to have taken it way off topic.

In our societies, we need to lose the old notions of sexuality and gender.
We need to come to understand how incredible and complex the human brain is.
What the Transgendered community is saying is, "Hey, my gender comes from what's in my brain! My brain is telling me I have been living as the wrong gender! I need to fix this because I've been battling it too long and it's wearing me down!", and things of that nature.

If taking hormones appropriate for my target gender helps me feel like I am finally at peace and physically 'right'... then that is good isn't it?
If having surgery to alter my body so that it 'fits' my gender(as I feel it) and makes me more at ease and able to live a positive and successful life, then isn't this the best thing also?

I spent almost my entire life up until a few years ago trying to make myself stop feeling the way I felt about my gender...

-I've been through years of therapy, been through the religious mill, talked/cursed/begged GOD for an answer, almost everything I could think of to help my mind come to rest (except for drug and alcohol abuse... thank goodness!).
-I have purged my stash of feminine clothing and other fem things... time-after-time-after-time...
-I have hated myself, berated myself, and stuck the barrel of my loaded Ruger Blackhawk .357 in my mouth after one of my 'dress up' sessions.
-I have lost the woman I loved for over 17 years... the woman I conceived a child with... the woman I made the center of my world.

I have been through what I can only call... HELL AND BACK.

I trust my feelings on this... my beliefs... my body... way more than the words of those who do not understand.

I can tell you with absolute assurance...

The idea of having GRS ( gender reassignment surgery... aka... having my male parts flipped inside-out for a neo-vagina), is not some escapism for any denial of my sexuality... or homosexuality as you would have it.

This would bring me a sense of peace with my own body.
It has little to do with sex and everything to do with my own personal identity relating to gender.

I suppose this is about as clear as I can make it. :wink:


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wsmac
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15 Apr 2008, 5:34 pm

After thinking about this whole thread... I realize I was party to taking it off topic.

So

I would like to apologize to SpaceCase for doing so.

I like the thread the way it was started, sorry I took it to a whole different theme.

:wall:


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MissConstrue
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15 Apr 2008, 5:42 pm

^oops you did it again. :lol:

I can't even read the whole thing, it's sooooooooooo long.


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Mark198423
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17 Apr 2008, 2:45 pm

wsmac wrote:
Are you getting the point yet?
BTW, I'm not angry and I realize my words may come off as such :D
I am actually enjoying this thread although I seem to have taken it way off topic.


I'm getting the point that you're not gay.
What I'm not getting, is what makes a man feel like a woman?
All you've mentioned is wearing womens clothes but there are plenty of straight men who do that, with no desire to be a woman.

Sorry to go back off topic again but it doesn't seem to have reverted back anyway!


I'm not trying to belittle or berate anybody, I really just don't understand the reasons, particularly for a straight guy.



wsmac
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17 Apr 2008, 3:40 pm

Hey that's fine Mark.
I agree that this thread hasn't gone anywhere else and I think the current discussion is a good one also.

You ask a very good question above... What makes a man feel like a woman?
There's the other one also... What makes a woman feel like a man?

I don't have the time to get into this more in depth... I will be heading off to work in a short bit... but I will be thinking about it.

This is a very relavent question for anyone.
What makes a man a man?
Although some may answer with a simple, yet weak, "If he has a penis, he's a man", I think it is a combination of things.

I will revisit this thread probably tomorrow, since I am trying to get myself to leave work on time and get to bed shortly thereafter... sleep deprivation has been playing hard on my mind lately :wink:

To close, while I have mentioned wearing women's clothing... I have to say that this is not what makes me feel 'transgendered'.
The feeling is more about my body and how I feel about things in relation to life.
The clothing is just one of the 'freedoms' I would like to have no matter what my gender-identity is.

But I will work on this overnight. :D


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Sedaka
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17 Apr 2008, 6:42 pm

im definitely straight... but i clearly remember my first fantasies were of me as a man with a woman.... but it wasn't the woman i was attracted to per se... i payed more attention to myself (the man) in them.

kinda weird.... idk. i was really young at that point...


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wsmac
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18 Apr 2008, 4:04 am

Sedaka wrote:
im definitely straight... but i clearly remember my first fantasies were of me as a man with a woman.... but it wasn't the woman i was attracted to per se... i payed more attention to myself (the man) in them.

kinda weird.... idk. i was really young at that point...


Now see.. I wouldn't think that was weird at all... especially for a young person.
It's when we get older that our minds get more narrow in what they can accept. Well, for some folks anyway. :wink:


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Mark198423
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22 Apr 2008, 4:18 pm

wsmac wrote:
I will revisit this thread probably tomorrow, since I am trying to get myself to leave work on time and get to bed shortly thereafter... sleep deprivation has been playing hard on my mind lately :wink:


Once again I'm resurecting this post - Sorry!! I've had intermittant acess whilst my PC was broken but all sorted now so can reply more promptly!

Any, I'd be extremely interested to hear your thoughts on this wsmac, so long as you 're willing of course! It's 1 subject that baffle's me as I can't put any kind of logic to it! (Not saying there is none, I just can't myself!)



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23 Apr 2008, 1:11 am

So, if you dont mind me saying Space, you seem to like men that are not masculine or physically do not have the masculine shape (aka no noticeable upper body/neck muscle formation). Or is your preference still female from the waist down?


You don't need to answer if it is too personal a question; it just popped into my head that this was an important distinction.



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23 Apr 2008, 9:37 am

Yikes... the honesty in here...

Okay... my housemate (and my best friend's finace) is an FTM (female to male) and he has taught me a lot about myself.

Pointer number 1: do not refer to an MTF as a chick with a dick unless you know that they are comfortable with it. Most trannies are VERY uncomfortable with their bodies and especially their genitalia since it is the wrong genitalia. Your MTF probably does not want her penis to even be present and if she is taking hormones, it is unresponsive anyway.

Pointer number 2: any FTM would be happy to be called a chick with a dick if it weren't for the fact that they don't consider themselves chicks and this would be very rude.

I find it best to just think of them and refer to them in your mind as the sex they prefer... which leads to confusing moments when the "communists attack" John and I can't understand what that means... (he's on his period ... read that twice and try not to twitch)

any other questions?

(additional: awww, I just noticed the other two pages... sorry if this is now OT...


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wsmac
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23 Apr 2008, 10:57 pm

Hey Mark,
I'm gonna come back here... just need to have my mind in the right place for the topic.
I'm sure that doesn't make much sense, but I need to be able to feel like I can address the issue in a coherent manner.
I'm feeling kinda rushed lately and can't slow down, so maybe tomorrow? Maybe later tonight?

KimberKenobi... feel free to jump in here... I won't mind! :D


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Mark198423
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24 Apr 2008, 8:53 am

Whenever you're ready! I'll be interested to read when you post though :wink:



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24 Apr 2008, 11:14 am

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
Manual or automatic?


Manual cars don't have trannies



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24 Apr 2008, 5:10 pm

Aspie_Chav wrote:
techstepgenr8tion wrote:
Manual or automatic?


Manual cars don't have trannies


*snarf*

well... okay... cars I definitely know... it's either an automatic transmission or a manual transmission... so they are both TYPES of trannies....


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helene
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28 Apr 2008, 6:20 pm

I am pansexual and currently like an mtf but I have not asked her out yet because I have not seen her in a while.