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windscar15
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10 Apr 2008, 1:53 am

Here's a situation that shouldn't be very familiar with a lot of you.

There's a girl who I met very recently who doesn't know me very well and I only bits and pieces about her, but she seems to want to get into a relationship with me.

I was gung-ho at first and then I realized how uncomfortable it made me feel. I just felt like she hijacked me and now I have to reject her advances. I don't how to say this without hurting her though.



Pundit23
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10 Apr 2008, 2:10 am

Good...god...
Very few girls have ever found me worth speaking to,
and fewer still have ever actually come back to speak to me again.
And here you are, Mr. Relationship... ah, cant even figure out how to end the sentence because I'm so baffled. I dont know how much help I can give you through personal experience, but I do have an objective viewpoint which makes me well suited for helping you.

1 What do you mean by hijacking?

2 Does she know you have AS?

3 I recommend postponing as opposed to shutting doors. You may be feeling uncomfortable now, but who knows about the future?



JohnHopkins
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10 Apr 2008, 2:23 pm

Be gracious about it. There is no easy way to say you're not attracted to someone. Try and think about what you would accept as an okay excuse if someone was rejecting you, and try and go for that.



jkrane
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10 Apr 2008, 2:29 pm

be as direct as possible.

"Sorry, I don't feel comfortable going out with you. Thanks, but no thanks."

Done!



lotusblossom
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10 Apr 2008, 2:36 pm

tell her you value her friendship and think a relationship would ruin the friendship- thats what everyone says to me :wink:



D1nk0
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10 Apr 2008, 3:07 pm

windscar15 wrote:
Here's a situation that shouldn't be very familiar with a lot of you.

There's a girl who I met very recently who doesn't know me very well and I only bits and pieces about her, but she seems to want to get into a relationship with me.

I was gung-ho at first and then I realized how uncomfortable it made me feel. I just felt like she hijacked me and now I have to reject her advances. I don't how to say this without hurting her though.


How I would love to take your place :( .



0_equals_true
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10 Apr 2008, 3:11 pm

Even though I haven't had a relationship I'm been in similar situation.

I sort of didn't see her/talk to her for a year. Although it seemed to have worked I think lotusblossom's suggestion is probably best.



Kaleido
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10 Apr 2008, 3:25 pm

I like lotusblossom's idea too.

Friends are great and sometimes love comes from good friendships.

I was in a similar situation where the young man wanted to see me and I tried to point out my AS and all my faults and everything but he was so keen. I said I would think about it since telling him outright didn't work, so maybe you could stall too by saying you didn't think so but you would think about it if she really is persistent.



velodog
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10 Apr 2008, 4:40 pm

Maybe you should consider going out with her. I suggest that it's possible that it is your hang up as opposed to anything wrong with the young lady in question. This is coming from a man who has screwed up some potentially good opportunities with women in the past. You might be better to try and have it not work out then to wind up kicking yourself in the butt later.



0_equals_true
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10 Apr 2008, 5:34 pm

velodog wrote:
Maybe you should consider going out with her. I suggest that it's possible that it is your hang up as opposed to anything wrong with the young lady in question. This is coming from a man who has screwed up some potentially good opportunities with women in the past. You might be better to try and have it not work out then to wind up kicking yourself in the butt later.


That did cross my mind. But not that he has a hang up more that maybe he could tell her what he is comfortable with.



jkrane
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11 Apr 2008, 12:33 pm

the direct approach is always the best approach! I know it hurts, but it will only hurt for a couple days, or a week at the most. It saves her the trouble of being obsessed over you. It's the "not knowing" that's the most painful part, that can lead to years of sleepless nights, constant intrusive thoughts, worrying, jealousy, etc. If you give an upfront NO, there is nothing left to obsess about.



juliekitty
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11 Apr 2008, 2:41 pm

jkrane wrote:
the direct approach is always the best approach! I know it hurts, but it will only hurt for a couple days, or a week at the most. It saves her the trouble of being obsessed over you. It's the "not knowing" that's the most painful part, that can lead to years of sleepless nights, constant intrusive thoughts, worrying, jealousy, etc. If you give an upfront NO, there is nothing left to obsess about.


I agree 100%.



windscar15
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11 Apr 2008, 11:54 pm

I went with the direct approach but I made sure to be nice and be firm at the same time. The reason why I said she hijacked me is because she kept calling me and kept wanting to do everything with me, without asking me. I did meet her in SPED but I don't think she knows about my AS. I tried telling her though but she cut me off.



SamuraiSaxen
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12 Apr 2008, 2:31 am

There was a guy from my Ethics class, and he was interested on a relationship with me (I didn't know it until my sister told me, she thought it was too obvious :? ).

One day, he tried to put his hands on my shoulders, and I jumped from my chair without letting him touch me. He said "What happened? You told me you felt bad and I just wanted to make you feel better".

I just said "I don't like people touch me, that's all". And that were the words I need to reject that guy.



techstepgenr8tion
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12 Apr 2008, 3:02 am

Gah, this is the situation I quite often end up in. Usually its not that they made me uncomfortable so much as either I'm not attracted or some things come up personalitywise that I know are going to be a huge problem. I'd agree with what a lot of people said already here, you definitely have to say something just because its the bigger thing to do - if your already dating. If not, I'd imagine she should be able to take a subliminal thing when you try to take the whole flow of energy and redirect anything she does into a friendship context; if that doesn't work just tell her that while you do think she's really cool and that your flattered that she's interested, it wouldn't work.