meltdowns? fall asleep/tired or biting meltdowns?

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Most often I shut-down rather than melt-down, but it can depend a lot on the circumstances.

Shut-downs from sensory overload can come on quite gradually sometimes - different parts of my brain seem to shut down one at a time. For example, I can be capable of getting myself away from the source of the stimulation, but at the same time lose my ability to speak or understand other people's speech. If I don't get away, eventually I become totally unresponsive - catatonic maybe (not sure quite how that is defined.) Once I get into that state, there's no telling how long like I will be like that, and nothing that the people around me do can pull me out of it - they just have to wait it out and/or carry me away.

Melt-downs tend to be because of a very sudden trigger which I didn't see coming, and the situation is not easily avoided. My usual response is flight - I just get the hell away however I have to, including barging people out of the way, knocking things flying and yelling at people. I usually seek out a peaceful place (nature very often), or a hiding place (cupboards, under tables, etc.) I can travel quite a way in that state, miles even, and usually don't remember anything of the journey. If I can't fly, then there's likely to be a lot of pushing and shoving, flailing arms and shouting.

After a shutdown/meltdown I will be incredibly tired for a day or so. However, this can actually be a very blissful, serene state - not euphoric at all, just incredibly peaceful. I've been meaning to ask about this here, as I've not seen many posts talking about the post meltdown fatigue. I wonder if it is similar to the post-seizure rapture that many epileptic people report. (PS: I'll make a new thread for that topic, so I don't derail this one.)

When I was a kid my meltdowns were very violent, I would scream and hit things, crying and all sorts, scratch myself, hit my head against the wall, if anyone touched me it got worse. I would blank out and not remember anything, then finally fall asleep after crying so much I got a headache.

As an adult I would say I shutdown more than I meltdown, my boyfriend has full blown meltdowns with screaming and hitting things, however I am more likely to shut off, go mute and hide under/in things. I do often scratch myself, and I used to self harm kinda as letting the pressure out. I don't know about anyone else, but sometimes I could tell when I was getting really overwhelmed and it was kinda like letting the pressure out of a cooking pot. I often do this thing where I push my nails really hard into the pad of my thumb so it hurts which I find helps a bit. No matter what happens a meltdown normally ends in sleep or if I can't sleep feeling totally exhausted.

As a teen I often felt I had no warning and I would just suddenly explode, same as when I was a kid. I've had to learn really carefully how to tell if I am close so I can go walk away find a private place and cry and curl up for a bit and stim and shake etc. It would be my worst nightmare to do it in public these days. I feel self conscious enough as it is.

When I melt down it feels like the worlds closing in on me and all the sounds and lights get really really bright and I can see and hear everything and its really really loud and I can't close it out and I feel like screaming and rocking backwards and forwards. I rarely scream anymore, but rocking is good. Everything just changes into one huge blur and I will often dissociate to cope esp if I am in a public setting.

My triggers are often feeling trapped in anyway, like I can't get out of somewhere. I will have them sometimes due to my PTSD, a flashback can career into a meltdown rather dramatically. Being around people for too long, like if someone who I don't expect is in my house for multiple days (my boyfriend has a habit of inviting people round and not telling me when they will leave). When lights are too bright I get close, but normally not just that on its own will do it, it just kinda adds up and then I end up exploding/imploding. Also any kind of change I didn't expect and have time to prepare for, I don't cope with change well at all and that can often be a leading cause. In fact even if I do prepare for it it can greatly distress me.

I'm very verbal and communicative during a meltdown. If it is too inconvenient to talk (or whine) to someone, I come to WP and post my feelings. It usually helps.

I block people out by putting my hands in front of my eyes or my fingers in my ears. I become very tired when asked to discuss my feelings. I try to avoid discussions this way, but if I jump on a computer I will perk right up in no time. This doesn't happen very often but can happen a lot when I spend time with people that I find emotionally demanding.