Can't get assessed just yet and so stressed out

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I want so badly to being able to understand my brain.
Since first hearing about AS three years ago, I've become more and more sure that I have it.
There are certain AS traits that don't apply to me though, for instance I do sometimes feel emotional when watching films (though it doesn't tend to happen on the first viewing because I have trouble recognising faces and following plots).
I'm going to have to pay to be assessed so I can't do it right now but I've become so obsessed by everything Asperger's that I'm desperate to know for sure.
I'm so scared that I'll one day be told that I don't have AS because then I would feel like I don't understand my brain at all.
So much fits but some things don't. I love my close friends, ok so I don't actually see them but I'm happy that way, the thought of seeing them and having to think what to say face to face is scary stuff. I send them emails and I've really let them into my head and they understand.
If I really have AS, would I love my friends so much?
Sorry to stress out on the forum but I just want to know now damn it.

Why wouldn't you? I've never heard of Aspies being such complete emotional vacuum tubes...

I just get so stressed out and paranoid.
I know that it's called a spectrum for a reason but when I read about people who feel robotic and those who lack heart, I panic that I'm deluding myself and that I really don't know myself at all.

*tells self to get a grip*

Sigh.

Floaty:
unfortunately, medical science doesn't understand the brain that well either. You might have AS, and you might have something else, but getting stressed out about it is the last thing in the world you want to do. As a rule, people with AS don't have that many friends. You're lucky. And if you do have AS, it's not something to worry about. It's something to adjust to. If you have AS, fine. If you don't, you've probably got something else, or maybe you're just nervous, and shy. That happens too. But, even if it turns out that you don't have AS, there are all sorts of other things that can look like AS.

Sometimes people with AS are just average. Sometimes they're VERY smart or VERY talented. Average is okay.

But if it turns out that you don't have AS, or you have something else that looks like it, or you're just a very nervous person, we'll still love you on WP, and listen to you, and be your friends if you want us to be. So relax a little. There are some very smart, worthwhile, funny people on this board. And you have a line to every one of them.

Take it easy, friend. Welcom to Wrong Planet.

Beentheredonethat

ditto about everything! (except maybe the friends part)

Ummm...I feel emotional when watching movies, even first time. I'm way more emotional than many neurotypicals; I just have a harder time understanding it and putting it into words.

And I have loved people.

For the record I'm a mid-range aspie, officially diagnosed.

I've been told that I am "normal" too. I stopped believing that about six months ago. I've always known I was different.

Being aspie doesn't make you any less of a person, although in my book it does make you more of a person. If that made any sense.


Breathe. In the long run, unless you want disability services or you are planning on having counseling in order to work out how to handle social kinds of stuff, it really doesn't seem to matter wether you have a diagnosis or not.

I am very lucky, yes, to have friends.

I suppose I don't feel in control of much right now. I need answers but I'm not going to find them just yet so I need to try to either have more faith in what I think, or try and leave it alone until the time comes when I can be assessed.

Thankyou very much for your replies.