Church and other worship experiences

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Hi, I am a pastor and am very likely an undiagnosed Aspie in my mid 30's. I found out about Asperger's when researching Autism to find out how to better serve a family in my church with two Autistic boys.

As a pastor I have a reputation among those who like me for thinking outside the box and among those who don't for being a weird irreverent heretic. What I really try to do is provide worship experiences that the people in my congregation find meaningful, enjoyable and life-giving.

Assuming for the moment that I am right, and I am an aspie: I know what parts of traditional church services I enjoy and work for me and I know what really doesn't.

I would like to hear from others with Asperger's: What worship experiences or non-solitary religious practices do you enjoy or find meaningful? What works for you? What do you hate, or not get much out of? What doesn't work for you?

I'm not looking for theological content here. I'm a Christian, but if you want to share something from Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Jewish, Sub Genius, Zoroastrian, Wicca, or whatever worship or gatherings, that is fine.

For example:

I would say that I like things that take place in relatively small groups, where individual relationships are built over time. I like music where simple harmonies are built with simple songs such as those from Taize. I like cande light. I like worship that is group driven and participatory for each person in the group. I like silence to be mixed in. I like to touch things (like holding candles) or to eat food as a part of worship.

I dislike loud music or bombastic choirs (although I do like pipe organs if done right). I don't like altar calls, or "calling on people to pray" or other things that single people out. I intensely dislike things that are showy. I love worship spaces that are big like cathedrals, but dislike large worship groups like revivals.

Obviously I'm asking this because I wonder what the building blocks of an Asperger's friendly church service might look like.


Thanks
Pastor Jeff

I prefer a sermon that is very theologically sound and logical and well thought out.
In fact a good sermon is really what I'm after as far as what I'm looking forward to in the service.

I also enjoy the old fashioned Hymns that have very sound doctrine in them as well as their own beauty. I prefer things to be spiritual but to also have deep meaning to them. I find most modern church services to be very superficial and seriously lacking in any depth. too much call to emotions and getting through the week, and not enough focus on actually getting to Know God better and really Improving my walk and relationship with him. not enough in depth study of the scriptures or any real explanation of essential doctrine.


Instead I usually get fed the latest load of crap from the likes of Rick Warren or some other big name that decides to write a book. very rarely do I ever get into a situation where I can fellowship with committed Christians and read the Bible without some stupid study guide and actually discuss the scriptures as the Spirit leads. this really bugs me.

So you asked a good question and I hope I've answered you. take all of the positives I'm looking for and remove or at least cut down on the negatives and I would find services much more enjoyable.

Hi Pastor Jeff, Welcome to WP, we get all sorts here I am an ex catholic I guess I am sort of a spiritual agnostic, if there can be such a thing, I come from a musical family, my great grand father and my grandmother were pipe organists, in Edmonton Alberta, my great grand father also built pipe organs that are still in use, I like the idea of an Aspie friendly church

My favorite part of church service is the music and worship. Also don't like having to sit all crowded together in the pews. Most churches I've gone to are what they called "family oriented''. So if you are single and don't have a family you don't really feel like you belong or have much in common.

Hi PrJeff,

A reply... I go to a Vineyard church, which is biblical, orthodox, and medium-sized in congregation, which I happen to love. Not too big, but a good size. I like the worship music, but don't like it when they get too loud...prefer the quieter songs, but still like the energetic ones. What I like best is the authenticity/relevancy, weekly altar calls, and the small groups. Admittedly, I'm pretty much comfortable only with certain people on the prayer team, and don't like the unpredictability of not knowing who's going to come over to pray. I guess my least favorite thing is how close the chairs are to each other; wish there were more space between the seats. The small groups are great, they're smaller and where the friendships are formed over (usually) a long time. There are a number of aspies in the congregation, one of the pastors is also pretty aspie-ish. Half of them seem to be in the same small group - we got dubbed 'the kinship of misfit toys,' due to the majority of the group just not fitting in. Which is another thing I love - finally, somewhere I fit in.

Hope that answers your question as well as possible. Sorry to go on for so long. No idea if you'd be interested, but if you were, the church's website is: www.vineyardchestersprings.org

Hello Pastor Jeff and welcome to wrong planet.

I am a Catholic Man and Spiritual Director in London. I have also formally been diagnosed with AS.

I am rather unusual for an aspie in that unless the priest is using the language of the heart, I loose interest rather quickly. The likes of Thomas Merton, Henri Nouwen, Thomas Keating etc, set my heart on fire, but this fire can only remain alight in silence.

As soon as there is singing, hand waving, or children screaming or moving around, I often have to leave, or more often than not, remain seated yet deeply un-present to myself and the whole experience that surrounds me.

I am a natural contemplative, a stranger to noise and showmanship.

On a practical note, most aspies would benefit from children being at the back of the church, and in an ideal world headphones being made available to those of us that have auditory dysfunction.

I only received my dx a year or so ago, and now I understand why I disliked the whole church experience so much, for like so much of my life I ached for what I was barely able to endure.

I am touched by your thread and your sensitivity that underpins it. I wich you well my friend.

Chris.

Good question.

As an aspie, I preferred the quieter things in church. When I was a practising Catholic, I preferred mid-week Mass because it was often in the small chapel or side room and there were very few people, it was very prayerful and softly spoken.

When I joined in with the Islamic faith, I liked the set prayer times on my prayer mat because it gave a routine and a rhythm to the day. The prayer mat is very special because it is often one you have chosen yourself from lots of different colours and patterns and it becomes a personal prayer space wherever you lay it down.

The most flexible were my occult rituals in which I could choose to have music or not, to have a room lit only with a few candles and I could design my own altar acccording to my needs and also choose my own time of connection.

When I joined in at a Buddhist centre some years ago, it was beautiful and peaceful though the not so comfortable chairs and other people sat next to me were an overload.

Thinking on it, the ideal is a place with few sensory distractions, not too crowded or noisy, not too complicated - Taize is great rather than hymns since you can follow it easily and sit quietly if you don't have enough energy to sing with others.

Being able to personalize the experience seems paramount as each person on the spectrum has different needs and some of us have an aversion to certain colours and smells too. So perfumed candles can be an issue as can bright lights.

Thats just a quickie from me

Hello PrJeff,

For a number of years now I have been struggling to rediscover my spiritual side and I haven't regularly attended church since 1994. I was raised in fundamentalist Baptist churches and attended private Christian schools and for several years spent more time in church than at home. I had many bad experiences at the several churches we attended. My father was a failed pastor - he studied for the ministry and wanted his own church, but he was not effective in dealing with people and couldn't take the criticism he received when he was a student preacher.

My opinions about services probably relate more to my having been exposed to many different styles of worship and some of the more negative and emotionally manipulative aspects of fundamentalism.

I prefer a church with traditional architecture, very good music (of the not plugged-in kind or folk-guitar kind) and a well-crafted sermon that doesn't descend into popular politics, social gospel, or emotional treacle. I really dislike altar calls and some gospel songs such as "All to Jesus I Surrender" that I associate with them. At this time in my life certain songs and hymns (some John Rutter) are about the only things that trigger spiritual feelings in me. I dislike mega-mall churches with big screens and what is essentially mediocre entertainment. I dislike churches that are centered around a pastoral "personality." I don't mind a large church, though, because it is easier to be anonymous. Forced friendliness drives me away as is the idea of "small group" or home churches. In those small settings I've seen people focus too much on other people's business and on group think than on God.

Z

I don't like christian rock, but generally the music is the part of a service I like most. I like a good sermon but not from a 'showman' type. I hate any sort of money collection that takes place during the service - the 'everything stops while we collect money' sort of thing, but sadly it seems universal.

I don't mind alter calls evangelism is essential as it was commanded by Jesus we can't loose sight of that.

as far as the money collection thing I do know a few churches, one of which I currently attend where there is no collection. there is a basket in the back where people can anonymously donate if they feel the need.

PrJeff, I'm atheist but have been to services of different denominations. Some Ministers talk too long for my taste. I like how the Catholics will have one of their Parishioners read a short piece of scripture that pertains to the topic of the day. To me that feels like less separation between the congregation and ministry. I like traditional organ/piano music the Hymns. Having everyone sing together is fun. BTW Welcome!

I don't like long-winded speakers in any environment, whether at church, business meetings or any other environment.

I enjoy the singing a lot. I like traditional hymns. The modern stuff tends to irritate me. I don't like anything that is too loud.

Personally, I've found that the best worship experiences seem to be the ones where the church isw concerneed with their own relationship with God, and not worshiping as a group.

What I mean is I like a worship experience that encourages me as a person to worship God in any way I feel led, whether it's singing, writing, etc. I've also found I feel more at home in a charismatic service than anything else. That way, people are so concerned with worshipping God that they don't pay attention to anything wierd that I do.

I like services, personally, that help people worship through writing.

Hello there, Pastor Jeff. I am a 29 year-old Catholic boy, raised in the church. I noticed you mentioned Sub Genuises as one of the groups you wouldn't mind hearing from. In my opinion, Sub Genius makes Scientology seem like the Jesuit Order. Don't bother with SG.

Hello Jeff

My Dad was a Pastor until he died and I feel I would like to finish his job I want to be a travelling preacher anyway hope you do well on this website.