Hi, I'm Frank

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I'm the sort who everyone seems to have a theory on what mental defect has claim. ADD, OCD, Depression, Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, they've all had their day in the sun. Now my mother has hit on Asperger's and I find it fits too well to dismiss. Never mind that the woman has been trying to figure out what's wrong with me my entire life and there has been little serious consideration given to the theory of, "not all that much." The not being able to ride a bike, the disaster of social development, the obsessive interest in specific subjects, the relentless logic, the pathological lack of empathy, and so on all seem to suggest it's the case. So, I'll proceed with the assumption that I have the thing.

As stubborn and opinionated as I am, not uncommon for people with this condition I note, I find it hard to discover a silver lining of any sort to attach to this realization. Though I'd managed to make some close friends at college and had some hope of developing a normal social life in those years, the years of late, I'm 26, have brought on just a torrential plague of misery. I was in a year and a half relationship, which caused me to lose all hope of ever being competent on any level with sex and relationships. The next relationship that I was foolish to even attempt lasted a week and a half, but then she broke up with me by pressure from my Sunday School class. Having little patience left with a creator who would create me in a state that brings upon so much misery, this was the final push into atheism. These days I accept the near total social isolation that my condition inevitably brings upon me. Never much for diplomacy, I don't go where I'm not wanted and that's a necessary step for social interaction in my case. Whether this is typical of all or most Asperger's sufferers, I do not know, but the conclusion it leads me to is that I can get the world to leave me alone about how I am if I just leave it alone. So loneliness becomes not a sad condition to be remedied, but the best solution I've got. Socialization bringing about only pain for all involved, I think this is the most reasonable solution.

This plan does have a flaw in the character of the workplace. While socializing with coworkers can certainly be minimized, it is difficult, if not impossible, to remove all interactions with coworkers and superiors that carry a high risk for unintentionally alienating them. So I'm interested in figuring out how people with this condition can at least not get themselves fired. Not by actually breaking any rules or doing anything wrong, but simply by ticking people off so bad that a pink slip results no matter how hard you try and prevent this.

Anyway, I mentioned I would be no ray of sunshine here and I mean that. Asperger's or no Asperger's when I look at people...I simply don't see anything worth liking. Certainly I would not insult anyone here by attributing that to Asperger's. Much more likely that's simply a function of trauma, or, more precisely, repeated instruction in just how rotton other people can be. Hopefully, this sort of tweedy bombast will be familiar here, and you won't judge me too harshly for it.

-Frank

That doesn't mean there's no god, just that there probably isn't one who is competent and cares.

That aside, I sympathize with your plight and wish you the best of luck.

Yeah, the world's an ugly place, but there are some corners of goodness. The truth is, people do care a little bit about each other. If we didn't, we would not have survived as a species.
Also, don't focus on what the rest of the world thinks of you. Instead try to develop meaningful relations with those few you can trust.

As for work, things will go wrong, but don't worry about it. If you get in serious trouble, just explain your disability. The worst you could expect is that they'll treat you like a little kid, but if you're good at what you do they probably won't.

Last but not least, you're only making things worse. You've only been through two relationships and have already given up.

You also try to avoid interaction, believe you cannot succeed, and only see the bad in people. Those three things are a recipe for disaster. If you honestly believe you can't do something, you probably won't do it.
If you need to, fake it till you make it. You must believe you can succeed. Even if you cannot succeed, you must still believe it. If you just believe you can succeed, then you probably will. We all deceive ourselves a little to get by because if we didn't we'd be too depressed to ever achieve anything.

Self-deception is sometimes a good thing. You also need to take more risks. Also realize that that we can only help you if you are willing to change.

I was like you, until I resolved to stop pitying myself and be more optimistic. Sure, many people have an ugly side, but only seeing that side isn't necessarily the most objective view.

Last edited by IpsoRandomo on 25 Apr 2008, 2:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

Welcome, frankcritic!

All of this sounds like me, plus, I've never had a relationship. Interestingly, it wasn't until I was well into my thirties that anyone suggested there might be anything wrong with me. Do you have any special talents? If so, I suggest you cultivate them to the point where you can be employed as a "one-man department" in a small company doing IT, CG, something with your hands - anything that makes you useful. Then employers won't care if you're inept at social interaction.

Hi Frank,

welcome to WP.

Well you certainly are no ray of sunshine saying that...so you lived up to your standard, Lol. I can't blame you though. I never used to like people...Although have came to realize now that not all of them are bad.
I hope you enjoy posting here.

Small bit of advice; try not to refer to it as a condition. It's nothing excess and aggresive, it's an integral part of you or any other. That suggests a "Well, he could be normal, but..." sort of attitude.

Referring to it as a condition is part ignorance about what I'm supposed to refer to it as and part reflection of how others perceive me, specifically my mother in relation to her suggestion I have Asperger's. I've, in fact, made the point before, "So, why don't we have to have a special name for the annoying aspects of your personality. If you're at a loss regarding that topic, I have a multitude of suggestions."

As to the other comments my initial post has generated here, I've been impressed with the intelligence. Also, the lack of offense to my bluntness and cynicism. Nobody tried to put a happy face on reality here, but the advice presented is practical. What I'm trying to do, career-wise, for the record, is become a teacher. Long-term, I'm not that worried about the effect Asperger's will have on my professional life, but you've got to get through a year of internship before you get your own classroom. Once I have my own classroom, things will basically be fine. My tendency to lecture and obsessively collect trivia regarding whatever subject I'm involved with at the time will be assets with students. Other teachers will be dealt with relatively rarely, with most of the time spent in the classroom just me and the students. So that represents a sort of road to freedom I think. Now, there are conferences, meetings, and similar events where interaction will be necessary I'm sure, but I'll do my damnedest to behave in such situations, behave defined here as not irritating the living batsnot out of other human beings without realizing it until it has resulted in consequences one might normally associate with, say, smoking around a bunch of pregnant women while discussing how much fun it is to eat babies.

-Frank

Welcome to WP!

Well, based on that phrase alone, I'll just say that I like you already, Frank, and look forward to seeing more of your posts on this site.

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

Hm, I don't mean to rain on your parade, Frank, but students are human beings too. At one time, I fully intended to become a teacher, and while I received praise for the lecturing part of the job, I found I lacked in the empathy necessary to coax active participation out of the students. This has always been a crucial part of teaching and these days, is considered more important than ever. Also, I've experienced classes where a student burst into tears and the teacher had to act as a counsellor or peacemaker.

Perhaps adult education (e.g. evening classes) might be a safer road to take since the students will be more disciplined and motivated.

I've been substitute teaching for a while, so I've had time to gauge the student reaction. Mostly, I'm fairly popular and I've had to resolve fairly emotional situations, such as a southern baptist boy and a lesbian girl arguing about whether she was going to hell. Of course, I've got to get out of the bible belt...

-Frank

Hi, Frank!

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

I hope you enjoy posting here!

Nice to meet you, Frank.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome to WrongPlanet Frank.
Nice to meet you.