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Moriath
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26 Apr 2008, 7:18 pm

I hate the world... it demands so much of someone with aspergers but gives so little back in return.

From the simple act of going shopping where the shop assistants are trained to mutter mundane and superfluous comments while they server you which make me feel uncompfrtable and wish tey would simply ring up the totals on the ePOS and not talk to me.

To the demands of the work place where you are supposed to show enthusiasm and passion for what you are doing in order to get on when its hard enough to just leave the house and turn up on time.

I hate walking around the town watching all the other people i pass interacting and laughing and having fun when all i want to do is get what i came for and go home.

I am envious of NT's with their reams of friends and social engagements that they enjoy. Something that takes soo much effort for me to partake in that in getting older i just dont bother any more.

I hate that the only times i can shut down my head from thinking too much is playing MMO's and having a bit to drink.

I hate that after spending 34 years thinking everyone had the same problems and that interacting with people or working out what they actually mean was difficult for everyone and not just me. then finding out it was just me and the majority of people dont have a problem with it.

I hate that this is my life that it wont get any easier and that the world expects me to become an oscar winning actor whenever i enter it in order to fit in.

I hate that any advantages i can see are outweighed by the disadvantages I have and wish it were different.

Why cant the world be more accepting and not expect someone with aspergers to be like them or be excluded completly.

But time goes on and everything remains the same .. hard slog day by day trying to not let it get to me.

I wonder what I am waiting for. What will change. What will be different. Probably nothing.



jamescampbell
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26 Apr 2008, 7:24 pm

i find the world to demanding too



Poeticromance
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26 Apr 2008, 7:29 pm

I may have aspergers like you, I have problems meeting new people but when someone does talk to me, I talk back (depending on if they seem nice and not just saying hi to be an as*hole). You can have a good time, you just need to meet a few friends who you can count on. Even if it is just one friend, you can have more fun with one good friend then 10 sh***y ones.

Shop assitens, they bug you because it's there job. If they don't ask to help you, they get fired. They treat everyone the same, if you can talk and use money, your a customer (unless your like me with purple bangs walking into Abercombie and Fitch).

You just need to seek out someone you can talk to. Life is less sh***y when you have someone to let it all out to.



Poeticromance
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26 Apr 2008, 7:31 pm

Plus, I agree the world expects too much as well. In my school, our senior year they expect us to finish up our portflios (stupid stuff they expect you to do to graduate), pass your regular classes, and do a senior project that lasts you 90% of your school year on top of it. I don't see how they expect people to do so much in 180 days. I get stressed easily and some people are the same. I'd rather just do my school work and do one or nothing of the other.



Daewoodrow
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26 Apr 2008, 7:34 pm

You know, I agree with you. The world is mundane and pointless. There were days when i'd look out my window and i'd be immediately overwhelmed by how sad it all was. Not at what i was seeing, but rather knowing that everyone else would only put a singular and irrational meaning to it all.
Do you know why you feel like that? It's not necessarily Aspergers, but rather, intelligence. I believe, quite firmly, that nobody who is truly intelligent could think about the world that surrounds them and feel happy about it.
Ignorance is bliss.
Up until a few weeks ago, I was ready to die. Not suicidal, but tired of living. I was crossing streets deliberately slowly, and without looking, on the slim chance that someone would run me over. And this only at 19.

What picked me up was a semi-argument I had with another forumer. I don't feel that way anymore because of it. I wouldn't say i'm happy yet, but i'm getting there. Because I simply stopped caring.
When I started going through life without caring what everybody else was thinking - focusing on doing things I wanted to do, good things started happening to me. Other people will bring you down, because they're lazy and ignorant. But when you treat them like they can't affect you in any way whatsoever, they will final show you respect. People only respect those who don't need it.

My point being, yes, humanity is corrupt and ignorant. The only way you can find happiness in that kind of world is to ignore it.


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animallover
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26 Apr 2008, 8:08 pm

I agree with everything you are saying - becasue I feel that way too - but I found the key is sort of like waht daewoodrow is saying - you just have to say 'Ok - that is how people are - but it doesn't matter' - I spent years and years and years pretending like I was normal - when I stopped pretending it was all fine - I tell people when I meet them that most people describe me as being nice but REALLY strange . . . fine . . . so for me the key has been to say that I simply don't care about the social expectations - so the people at the grocery store I shop at think I"m partially deaf (I'm not - they just mumble - and use slang), am REALLY androgenous, and am the crazy cat lady (I really am - you wouldn't believe how much cat food I buy a week) - so what - let them think what they want.



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26 Apr 2008, 8:43 pm

This planet is very uninhabitable for people with ASD like me. It seems like the NT's have no use for me, other than amusement from watching me suffer. I mean, look at how many movies there are which make fun of people like me.



Joeygeorge
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26 Apr 2008, 11:06 pm

nts are evil pm me ure thoughts



oscuria
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27 Apr 2008, 12:20 am

Eh.

If the negative aspects bother you this much, look into the negative. Analyze it. Reason with it. Ask "Why does this have such an impact in my life?"

Wanting death or to be removed from this world is the most illogical thing to ask for if you're a sane man/woman. You're not required to jump for joy every morning. Neither are you required to kiss the ground before going to sleep. Live the way you seem best fit. Others will never see what you see or feel what you feel.

I'm most influenced by a quote that I read months ago, and although I don't even remember it word for word--or a sequence of words, here's my attempt at pointing down what it was about:

Truly, this world is most depressing. How can one not see it as such? Blessed is he who moves forward and does not blind himself to what is before him.



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27 Apr 2008, 8:50 am

I don't like da world either.



KatieRose212
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27 Apr 2008, 9:10 am

Sadly, I hate the world too.

I too have often contemplated walking slowly over a road and said I didn't care if I got hit by a bus, it wouldn't be the end of the world - I'd be happier if I died accidentally but even though I have thought of killing myself, I wouldn't do it... I COULDN'T kill myself!

I remember I got hit by a bus when I was 10 years old, so 8 years ago, and I thought at the time that I can't believe I didn't die and promised myself I would never walk in the road in front of a bus - delibaretly - again because my life was too precious.

Now I'm having those same thoughts again, about not caring if I got run over... mainly because I know a lot more about the world now and, well, it really is a f***ed up place. (Sorry for swearing but I can't think of any other word to describe how I feel.)


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27 Apr 2008, 9:21 am

it sounds like humans are the ones being blamed here,not the world.


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9CatMom
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27 Apr 2008, 9:43 am

Frankly, I'm glad I had some good teachers who did expect something of me. In kindergarten, my teacher told me I couldn't learn because I didn't know English. Luckily, in first grade, I had a teacher who had high expectations of me. I not only learned English, but was reading well above grade level and doing well overall academically.

I am glad my parents had high expectations of me and considered me smart enough to learn. I also had teachers who, for the most part, expected a lot of me. The worst grades I ever got were from teachers who were too lenient and inconsistent.

Socialization and small talk are difficult for me. I'd rather being talking about something substantial, rather than engaging in gossip.

I was bullied for a while by some very scary people. Those people are long gone, thank goodness.

My main problem, as I see it, is my anxiety in certain situations and my social awkwardness. I also tend to be a bit clumsy, which causes me a fair bit of embarrassment. I would like to overcome my nerves in important situations, such as job interviews and advance at the library. I love my current job and hope to get a full time job, or as close to full time as possible, when the new library opens in August.

I don't hate the world. I hate myself for doing dumb stuff, a situation I want to remedy.



MarieElana
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27 Apr 2008, 9:48 am

Hmm, it's the opposite for me. I started out antisocial but I guess I got myself out there and now I have a good number of friends, a boyfriend, a job, and a set path to college. Then again I guess it's hard to be so negative where I live. I mean, all the fresh air, the sunshine, the nature all around. I feel like I live in an eden of the world. Sure, highschool has its as*holes but I feel that's just part of the teen mind. I guess life couldn't get any better for me because I feel healthy and happy.


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27 Apr 2008, 5:17 pm

Actually, I like the world. I just don't like certain people who live in it.

Life is hard when you're on the Autistic Spectrum, but it seems a bit of a tall order to expect everyone else to fit into our pattern of thinking and our way of doing things. Yes, we should be given certain - what's the word - allowances for our supposedly odd behaviour, but you just have to try and shine in what you're good at.

Don't think I don't understand what you're saying though. I've battled with loneliness for years. I've felt worthless and unwanted; still do sometimes. But you have to show the world your talents, and find people who are understanding, and if you can have a good laugh with them over your quirks, so much the better. :wink: And there ARE people who understand, but finding them sometimes takes a bit of time.

joeygeorge wrote:
nts are evil pm me ure thoughts


No stereotypes there, then. :roll:


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Moriath
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27 Apr 2008, 7:04 pm

ok its not the world in total its the human society within the world that i have the problem with

The world just encompasses that :)