The facade we must put up to be ''acceptable''

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anyone have any ideas on how to make it feel more comfortable
not natural
if i have learned one tihng from AS, its that it is a gift, that should not be destroyed, but the kinkas within the gift need to be worked out
I dont want to get to the point were NT social etc is so natural that its destroys all that is good in my Asperger's aswell as personality
----------------------------------------------
that in mind, anyone have any good ideas

Until I was told I had Asperger's, I thought I was just weird and no one liked me. Then I figured out I was cursed with Asperger's. I've hardly found any good in Asperger's yet. Only that it makes me a tad bit smarter. For the most part though, it got me to the point of hating life.

I was weird when I was growing up and so I started reading magazines, hoping I would get better at reading body language, and the styles/fashions other chicks were wearing. I don't know about destroying my aspieness, but it certainly didn't make me more NT.

Maybe it made me more aware of how some of the other people really are?

And then I just tell myself....so what? I am who I am....

This is similar to what I did at one point.
I started to do research on current trends, popular gossip, "acceptable bahavior" etc...and realised that it wasn't something I wanted to do anyway. I would never be so feeble, actually, I couldn't live with myself if I were.
So what? I don't dress like/talk like/act like most people my age...who the hell cares? Besides the mindless society's opinion that doesn't even matter, I don't.

I say just be yourself. Try hard to make friends that share the same passions as you, because that gives you a great common ground. Make an effort with your friends. Accept that you are often going to feel uncomfortable and have a back up plan. It's good to be yourself, but if you want to appear more 'normal' that's fine too. Don't get too hung up on yourself, be nice to yourself.

I have been able to meet people and make friends through my passion for art. (I'm an artist). I would never have thought that I could do that whole art exhibition opening socialising thing, but it's become easier for me over time. The great thing about it is that art talk can be any pile of BS, and you can get away with being weird and doing crazy things. I value being sincere though, so I try not to engage in putting on any fake act. In times when I do feel uncomfortable and out of place I usually have worked out beforehand what I'll do, so I don't have a meltdown. Like hiding in the toilets/garden, or if its daytime I hide in libraries/bookstores/park, tuning out with my ipod, or simply hiding under my jacket and asking to be left alone etc.

But I am still quite my weird self, even though I'm in a social setting. I guess its easier to be weird and tolerated in the art 'scene'. I don't try to do things because they'll make me fit in more. I often sit at parties and hide in the corner and draw, or read books or do crosswords. If people ask me why don't I come and talk I just tell them nah, you're all freaking me out, I'm just going to go hide for a bit. I don't care if they think I'm strange. I find that my openness and honesty draws all sorts of people to me, because they feel it is okay to drop the act and be themselves around me.

That's my advice. Find people with similar interests. Be yourself. Accept others for who they are.

For other social settings, do the same. (And just accept that you will probably spend more time hiding in toilets or in garden bushes than you're comfortable with, and deal with it.) (I recently had to go to a family wedding, and I spent several hours hiding in the garden, but I thought it was great to be hiding in a tree at night with my ipod, cake and cigarettes, while all the scary people were inside engaging in their wedding rituals.)

My opinion is that you do whatever you have to do to appear normal. This is really only mandatory for work though. Once you're in your personal life, you can basically avoid human interaction. Just live alone in your apartment and pay your bills over the phone or on the Internet, use ATM machines, eat at nonbusy eateries or just cook for yourself. This kind of lifestyle isn't really feasible until you're settled into your career though, so I look forward to it. Thing is, I LIKE human interaction. Being funny, having intellectual discussions, this kind of thing. Even had a lot of friends in college. Life has reverted on me though and I'm going to minimize my discomfort by interacting with people as little as possible beyond professional reasons.

-Frank