Should I be more honest with people I dislike?

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I dislike one of my sisters a lot. I hate the men she chooses to be her partners and her lack of depth of understanding of what really matters in life. I can accept faults in a lot of people but there's a limit past which I start getting angry and uncomfortable.

She added me on Facebook and now even her friend added me on it. I don't like her either. If she isn't patronising me and making a regular investigation on what I'm doing on Facebook she's doing it on my mobile phone.

The way she does it isn't friendly. I know she's a social manipulator. She enjoys feeling power over the ability to get people to do what she wants.

What should I do? Should I insult her honestly and disregard any bad feelings it causes? Or continue to pretend we get along relatively well?

One issue is my family is very sensitive. My mother in particular wants everyone to get along. She cries hysterically when I criticise my sister or if I pull out of some social gathering where she's involved with an excuse. But soon I'm moving into my own apartment and that could mean my mother will become less sensitive to what I do.

I know where your coming from. I think once you move out things will get better.

I don't think telling her will make any positive changes in her. Few people have the insight or desire to change...most think they are just fine the way they are and everyone else is defective. She will just use the negative things you say about her as an excuse to harass you more and justify it to herself and others as...."well she said this about me".

The best you can do is distance yourself from her as much as possible. Life is to short to waste it on people who are mean and manipulative. I think they are like soul vampires, sucking out our energy for their own use. Avoid. You have every right to remove her and her friend from your facebook but they may try and retaliate..that is what bullies do...they attack and then when you try and fight back they use it to justify their next attack. Pretty messed up.

I think it's possible to be true to yourself without hurting other people's feelings needlessly. You can keep your distance from your sister without coming straight out, and saying " I don't like you." You can set up some basic boundaries, like only allowing your sister to have access to so much of your personal info, and daily schedules. She will probably be a little irritated, but if you politely stand your ground she'll have no choice, but to move on.

The same with your mom. She sounds a little manipulative herself, by crying whenever you leave a family gathering, and such. You don't have to come out, and say "I can't stay here because of sister, she's just too much for me to handle." Just a simple excuse like "I'm tired, or I have _____ to do so I must be going" will suffice.

And, yes, it will get much easier when you get a little distance between you, and your family. Your mother won't probably be less sensitive to what you do, but you won't have to be around her 24/7 to feel guilt about her sensitivity.

It's taken me several years to understand that I can have my own life without considering what my family is gonna think, or do about everything that I do. For some reason it took me forever to realize that I can set up reasonable boundaries, and it was perfectly okay to do so without feeling so guilty while doing it.

Thanks for the all the advice. I think I'll try to get myself busy with going to the gym, voluntary work and other activities so I have valid excuses to not see my sister too much. I won't be honest about disliking her because as some of you pointed out she might just want to bother me even more then.

You have nothing to lose by being a total butthole. One of my half-sisters is on notice: contact=police & charges filed. Many Apsies like myself aren't even fazed by crying. Maybe you shouldn't be either.

Nothing says "I love you" like a restraining order!

You're fortunate to be moving out. My sister moved back in with us after her divorce. It turned an already strained relationship into chaos. She REFUSES to understand my AS, how and why it affects me as it does. Finally, I had to put an end to the sarcasm, snappiness and boundry breaking. I didn't handle it how I would now, but the message was sent: unless you are willing to change some things-we're through! I have to always be the willing one or the one who took it the "wrong" way. Can anyone relate?! But she stated "I am who I am and will never change for anybody!" She sounded just like Hillary Clinton when she said it. I find that to be true: most people aren't going to work on the things they have to change, the so-called NT's that is. It is sad when that means family, esp. when that member is all who is left after mom someday. But that is my reality. Glad you can move out and keep busy making a POSITIVE change in the lives of others. As for me-thank GOD I've always had my own room!

My recommendation (though admittedly it doesn't work well for me) is that you simply sit your sister down and discuss your thoughts with her. Use logic. Don't speak out of emotion. When using emotion as a basis for you thoughts/logic leads to ad hominem attacks. Ad hominem attacks are arguments such as it is acceptible for me to do X because you do Y. Though as I said this seldom works for me, you get the benefit of knowing that 1) You tried to talk to her in an calm manner. 2) You can explain to your mother (if you so choose) that you attempted to talk about your thoughts to your sister. 3) The more you advocate for yourself in this manner the easier it becomes and thusly more effective. (in theory anyway).


Good Luck,

Mark T. Pierce