Do you find that the best friendships occur spontaneously?

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AbominableSnoCone
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18 Oct 2005, 3:07 pm

I've noticed over the years that I can't get into the good graces of most people no matter how hard I seem to try... but then most of my strong friendships seem to occur spontaneously! I'll just start talking to someone normally (or vice versa) and we randomly have a lot to say to each other, and a strong rapport is formed that no amount of effort could have brought about normally! have any of you noticed this phenomenon?


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pyraxis
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18 Oct 2005, 3:12 pm

Yep. It applies to both friendships and romance. The problem with using effort to create/maintain a friendship is that the effort has to be applied constantly, because you're trying to bridge a much wider gap between yourself and the other person. It's not just a question of winning a person's favor and then being set for a long-term friendship. But if by some stroke of luck you run into a person that's on the same wavelength, you figure it out pretty da** quick, and there's friendship in its natural form.



Sean
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18 Oct 2005, 3:12 pm

Yes. It is purely by random chance that you meet someone you can get along with. The effort lies in not dong anything to ruin it.



NeantHumain
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18 Oct 2005, 3:38 pm

I can't say that it's very often that I spontaneously develop a strong rapport with someone just by talking to them a few times. I've never had a "best" friend in the sense of an extremely close friend. I've usually only had one or two friends at a time, and I was never their closest or best friend.



Thagomizer
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18 Oct 2005, 3:51 pm

As opposed to formally? I can't think of any instance in which I said "I am going to be this person's friend today."


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AbominableSnoCone
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18 Oct 2005, 3:59 pm

Thagomizer wrote:
As opposed to formally? I can't think of any instance in which I said "I am going to be this person's friend today."


Well as a couple of examples...

as opposed to meeting someone in a class/club or on the job and trying to make a connection with them in order to keep things from being so awkward

or for instance, meeting someone on an online singles board and hunting hunting hunting to find some kind of common ground or common interest that you share and just not being able to find it.


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myownmind
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18 Oct 2005, 4:42 pm

I have a friend who may or may not be NT that I have absolutely no clue how we are friends. Neither of us remember, how, when or why we became friends. It was like one day I knew that she was in orchestra, and then all of a sudden we are friends. We have probably been friends for at least four years now.



Namiko
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18 Oct 2005, 6:16 pm

I've had a couple of friends that I meet randomly. When I'm at swimmeets, I get really bored and start talking to the other swimmers in the warm-up area (instead of getting ready for my race like I'm supposed to be doing...). I met this other girl who was also swimming the 200 fly and later we exchanged e-mail addresses. Now we e-mail each other back and forth quite a bit. :)


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hadapurpura
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19 Oct 2005, 7:57 pm

That's true. The friends I have is because of casualty, except for one friend who started looking for me and hugging me and kissing me and taking me with her until we ended up being friends. And my friends and I are very different from one another, althouh we have a couple of things in common.



ZedSimon
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19 Oct 2005, 8:27 pm

Friendships happen in strange ways sometimes. My best friends are my newest...I know them from a forum I'm on. I only met them in person a few months ago at a get-together that one of them hosted. We had a great time and we all hit it off pretty quickly, despite some of us only seeing each other for the first time. Some of us met again last week and had an even better time. The meeting we had kind of transcended its original purpose and became a gathering of friends, and we intend to have more of them.

We've got a lot in common - there's one other person in our group who's HFA (and is also in radio), so we've bonded over that. The host of the party is practically my brother, we have so much in common. I got him a nice birthday present, so that helps keep the friendship together! :P

Most of the friendships I've made have been because we start talking about things we have in common. The more we talk, the more we find to like about each other.



iamlucille
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19 Oct 2005, 8:44 pm

That's how I meet all my friends :) randomness kicks ass and you know it