Child sees no cause and effect.

Page 2 of 2 [ 21 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

DW_a_mom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,683
Location: Northern California

09 May 2008, 3:24 pm

sinagua wrote:
Great post, DW_a_mom - that was really helpful to me. Lots of good ideas and suggestions. I'm going to reread your comments again - maybe paste them into my journal. ;)

Shoe tying has been a major issue. I feel badly for making him feel badly about it. I just could not understand why he felt no motivation whatsoever to learn how. I taught myself in an afternoon when I was three. He is nine, and still can't do it. If he finally learns, he only does it once, then never practices or does it again for months until the next time he HAS to, at which point he's forgotten all over again, and gets frustrated all over again, and then we have a meltdown (both him and me).

I really have to get my head around the fact that as "different" as I always felt growing up, my son is even moreso, and what makes "sense" to me very often has no correlation to what makes "sense" to him. I hope we can learn to communicate more effectively with one another, as he gets older, and I learn more.


Thanks for the compliment. We all just feel it out as we go, don't we?

I've given up on the shoes. We just go the extra mile to find velcro or slip ons for him. He actually CAN tie his shoes now, he's almost 11, but he has no interest in re-tying them 5 times a day and so it's better just to make it a non-issue. He can tie his little buddy at school's shoes when asked, and for my son that is all he needs to be able to do (he actually surprised himself when that happened, but he didn't want to tell the kid he couldn't do it, so he amazed himself and simply did it, lol - as with so many things, they aren't a problem when the motivation is there). Given that velcro has been invented, why not take advantage it? That's how he thinks.

I think ALL parents wrestle with realizing that their children are not copies of themselves. It's a constant learning process for us. I don't think any of us realize just how unique each individual really is until we become parents and try to help a completely different soul to adulthood.


_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


sinagua
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2007
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 368
Location: Rhode Island

09 May 2008, 4:48 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
We all just feel it out as we go, don't we?


Yes, we do. I guess it's all any of us can do, as parents.

I've given up on the shoes, too. Really, you are right - there are lots of "slip-on" shoes (as he calls them) these days, and he will wear one pair at a time, until they fall apart. Then we go buy another pair. If I buy him a brand new pair and his old ones haven't fallen apart (or the new ones are slightly large), he will continue to wear the old ones until they fall apart and he literally has no choice but to wear the new ones. :wink:

Quote:
I think ALL parents wrestle with realizing that their children are not copies of themselves. It's a constant learning process for us. I don't think any of us realize just how unique each individual really is until we become parents and try to help a completely different soul to adulthood.


Very true, very true. I never really thought my son would be a "copy" of me - he's a male, for starters - but I didn't appreciate how many flavors of "different" there are - I guess that's what "unique" MEANS, huh? lol! Silly me, but sometimes I don't "get" everything on the first (or fifth) try. And I had really poor parental units, myself, so all I know is "try not to do what they did." But that doesn't always tell me what to do INSTEAD. :? I would've had struggles with an "NT" child, much less one with AS/ADHD/whatever.

Anyway, thanks again for the insights.



bookwormde
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 3 May 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 127

09 May 2008, 6:34 pm

Congratulations on the diagnosis. Start educating yourself on Aspergers. I always recommend Tony Attwood The Complete Guide to Aspergers c/2007 (available on amazon for about $25).

With your son being older you are a little “behind the curve" but the same supports needed for a younger child still apply. He needs a comprehensive non-academic curriculum including social skills, theory of mind training EF (executive function) supports, a sensory sensitivity audit and accommodations, a comprehensive bullying program for his environment, teachers and clinician who are adequately trained in Aspergers so they “get it”, an appropriate behavior plan with “incident autopsy procedures” for when incidents occur, likely some language therapy for non logical language constructs, possibly a paraprofessional for generalization of the non academic curriculum, and referral to the gifted program as his special abilities manifest themselves.

All of these can be accomplished by aggressively applying IDEA

When these supports are in place your daily struggles will subside quickly

I am sure you already know this but you have a very special child

bookwormde



AspE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,114

09 May 2008, 6:41 pm

I'm amazed people expect so much from a 9 year old. What ever happened to being a kid? School sucks, I never learned anything there that I needed later.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,289
Location: Stalag 13

09 May 2008, 7:05 pm

AspE wrote:
I'm amazed people expect so much from a 9 year old. What ever happened to being a kid? School sucks, I never learned anything there that I needed later.


That's the same thing about me.


_________________
Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?