Have you ever wanted to quit making friends?

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zeldapsychology
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10 May 2008, 9:30 pm

Usually with my behavior I act crazy and tend to push people away. Sadly based off of not having many friends and taking a good hard look on my life in the past I'm kind of fearful of meeting people. This isn't a one time thing I've upset people throughout my life family,friends,students,teachers,coworkers bosses. (The teacher aspect lead to her wanting me to get a psychological evaluation which costs money that I don't have and the coworker lead to the aspect of sexual harrassment getting tossed around.) :-(


Sadly sometimes I think why be yourself and happy if that behavior is going to upset people. I'm doing online classes but do not see that as helping in the social department and the job I mentioned was only my first so I worry about getting a second I want socialization but can I be myself and happy and yet behave how others want. :-( Any tips? :-)

Thanks :-)



JerryHatake
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10 May 2008, 10:09 pm

Not really because friendships are good to have.


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CockneyRebel
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10 May 2008, 11:04 pm

I've never felt that way.


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Orwell
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10 May 2008, 11:25 pm

Quite making friends? I would have to start first, so I can't really say.


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Josie
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11 May 2008, 12:41 am

Yes I have. I am going through it now. But friends are good to have :-)



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11 May 2008, 12:42 am

A few times I have, but I've always found coccooning myself away from others to be increadibly depressing. How ever scary it is to go and try to make friends, it wasn't as bad as the melancoly I felt not doing it.



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11 May 2008, 12:45 am

I have a core of good friends that I made back in my college years. Those times were socially plentiful but now there's little opportunity and I find myself incapable of making new friends. My last, and I do mean last, efforts at doing so resulted in some rather major knives in the back. The friends I still trust, that I count as trustworthy in the noblest sense of the word, they will always be there. Not the physical sense, but in the sense of in my memory. Whenever I think of those friends, I can think of a time when all seemed possible. Love, friendship, family, unlimited career options, and all the other things that go with being young and naive.

You know, I really must work hard not to cry when I visit my old college and walk those sidewalks and around in those buildings. The memories come flooding back of being capable of thinking so highly of a woman that you think she's an angel put on this Earth just for you. Obviously this is profoundly stupid and represents unhealthy obsession, but I still weep when I think I was once capable of thinking so highly of a woman. Now when I see a woman that I might've once had similar feelings about nothing but contempt and disgust is there. All the ways she might betray me, all the ways she'll judge me, all the ways I am not her kind just override everything as the black bile of my misanthropy coats my mind like dressing tossed in a salad.

So no, I don't make new friends, but I'll keep the ones I already have. They're the only ones who ever deserved my trust, and I've given all that I have. No more.

-Frank



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11 May 2008, 4:09 am

Sometimes I go through periods of thinking that friends are a waste of time, and I give up on trying to make them.
Although, thats usually not because I don't want friends, but because i'm so sick of being rejected that I can't see a point in trying anymore.


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11 May 2008, 10:31 am

zeldapsychology wrote:
Usually with my behavior I act crazy and tend to push people away. Sadly based off of not having many friends and taking a good hard look on my life in the past I'm kind of fearful of meeting people. This isn't a one time thing I've upset people throughout my life family,friends,students,teachers,coworkers bosses. (The teacher aspect lead to her wanting me to get a psychological evaluation which costs money that I don't have and the coworker lead to the aspect of sexual harrassment getting tossed around.) :-(


Sadly sometimes I think why be yourself and happy if that behavior is going to upset people. I'm doing online classes but do not see that as helping in the social department and the job I mentioned was only my first so I worry about getting a second I want socialization but can I be myself and happy and yet behave how others want. :-( Any tips? :-)

Thanks :-)


There are six billion people on the planet. How many have you even superficially talked to? My inclination is to make it a numbers game, moving on after the first hint of a problem. About once every five years I meet a good person that doesn't retaliate for Aspie traits. As far as coworkers go, all you need to do is complete tasks with them, limiting additional conversation to basic greetings/pleasantries.


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12 May 2008, 6:33 am

Find ways to socialise thats not just for the sake of socialising. I fence (sword fight) and my training sessions are my socialising sessions too. If you say something wrong, its easy to get away, duel someone, then come back and try again!



Laurz_2192
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14 May 2008, 4:17 pm

Several times I've thought 'Hey, just forget it now', cause so many times it's gone wrong for me. Friends don't understand how I'm a bit different and it can be hard, whether they know or don't.

Right now, I have few close friends, but it's those few I stick by - I don't need a large group of friends to be happy ^^ Afterall, everyone needs someone to talk to... =]



ebec11
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15 May 2008, 6:22 pm

I push my friends away sometimes because I need time to myself...it takes so much energy to be social and happy all the time.



Social_Fantom
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16 May 2008, 12:37 am

ebec11 wrote:
I push my friends away sometimes because I need time to myself...it takes so much energy to be social and happy all the time.


Ditto. Only I didn't really push them away, I just ignored them. Now I don't know where any of them are. :(


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16 May 2008, 3:08 am

Several times in my life I've fantasized about running away from everyone I know and becoming a hermit. Other times when it's been difficult I've thought about not making any more effort to make friends or keep my current ones. But I'm a writer, so aside from the fact that I'd simply like to have friendships and a relationship, I also need experiences with other people to motivate and inspire my writing, so eventually I always get back up and try again. As a result, one of my friends from high school has become a great friend who does as much work for our friendship as I do. Since the time several years ago when he returned from overseas and seemed to have realised that he wanted to be a good friend to me, I haven't put in much effort towards making new friends, but I'm starting to feel like I need to start working on it again. Finding this site has helped by making me realise that there could be a reason for and a pattern to my difficulties.



NoriMori
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19 May 2008, 11:59 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
Usually with my behavior I act crazy and tend to push people away. Sadly based off of not having many friends and taking a good hard look on my life in the past I'm kind of fearful of meeting people. This isn't a one time thing I've upset people throughout my life family,friends,students,teachers,coworkers bosses. (The teacher aspect lead to her wanting me to get a psychological evaluation which costs money that I don't have and the coworker lead to the aspect of sexual harrassment getting tossed around.) :-(


Sadly sometimes I think why be yourself and happy if that behavior is going to upset people. I'm doing online classes but do not see that as helping in the social department and the job I mentioned was only my first so I worry about getting a second I want socialization but can I be myself and happy and yet behave how others want. :-( Any tips? :-)

Thanks :-)


Okay, first of all, PUNCTUATION. Try some commas, because when I read that it sounds in my head like you're talking a million miles a minute. ;)

I have felt like this. I have met exactly two people who seem to have an active interest in me despite my quirks. To some people this may seem pathetic, but for me that's like winning a Nobel Prize in social skills. These people are like precious gems to me -- very valuable, very hard to find, they sparkle in comparison to everything else, and I'd be sad if I lost them.



MsTriste
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20 May 2008, 2:47 am

I still have some stupid thought in my head, delusional maybe, that causes me to meet people and think they might be "friend" material. But the reality is that I haven't made a friend in the last three years. Why I continue to hope is beyond me. After decades of ruined friendships, I really should give it up.