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Phoenix_Voice
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Location: nanaimo, bc, canada

08 Sep 2004, 6:49 am

...but you can call me Brian if you want, as i have historically had a hard time getting anyone to call me by my variety of handles.. anyway. I'm wondering if anyone here is like me. let me just say a few things first of all.

I was diagnosed with aspergers in...i think 2001 ish. however, most of the stuff i have read about it seems to me to be pretty inaccurate as far as i am concerned. okay, so some of it is right, but then people go talking about stuff having to do with touch, and senses, and those kinds of weird things that i've never had issues with..and other stuff. i kind of find it a bit patronizing, or whatever the word is, and also a bit unnerving, as someone might read some of that stuff and get this pretty wrong view of how i am.
as for "social skills" - well, i'm fairly sure my "social skills" are as good as anyone else's, and certainly I never get the impression when conversing with someone that they think of me as weird or inept at conversation.. no, i think i'm fine in that area - it's just that i don't like to go and start talking to someone if i don't know them AND if i don't have a reason, or even sometimes if i do - this has naught to do with my social level (i'm fine when i'm actually ENGAGING in sociality) but rather is just some variant of a 'fear of rejection' type deal.. which is irrelevant..
anyway, the major way i'm "different" is my extreme logic and also extreme creativity/imagination. yes, both. i get the impression that people think you can't be both..you know how people say you're "right brained" or "left brained"? well, i've got both in equal quantities and they duke it out inside my head all the time :P for example: metaphors. i find them to be wonderful things for songs and poems, (creative) but if someone tries to use some metaphor and compare it to some part of actual life, it doesn't make sense (logical). like it doesn't tell me anything i can USE. cause the metaphor and actual life are two different things, and yes it's poetic but fairly useless.
people always go on about how brilliant i am and how i'm a genius, in much the same fashion that your relatives always say "my how you've grown!! !" every fricking time they see you :P not trying to be egotistical here, it's THEM that say it :P
so yeah. i've typed too much already, so.. i'll just end this post right here. (oh no, bad conversation-ending skills!)

Phoenix



spacemonkey
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08 Sep 2004, 3:44 pm

Yea I know exactly what you mean about being logical. I took that to a real extreme for some time and that was when I realized that something was really different about me. I would say to people how everyone lives in their own constructed reality and I would try to explain it, but you know they just never understand. These were pretty bright philosophically minded people too. And then I am also very creative and enjoy metaphors just as you say.
I think they are a wonderful tool for real self expression. It's all the talking, for the sake of talking that really makes me withdraw. I learned my social skills pretty well, but I am at a total loss for how to react to conversations with no meaning or information.

The two sides are constantly battling inside me too.
And this is amazing that someone can express these same feelings.
Good to hear from you.

Kenneth



Archmage
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08 Sep 2004, 5:01 pm

Hmm... the phoenix. one of the most magical and mystical animals that i know of. its voice builds courage in the good and strikes fear in the evil.
what im saying is that your true name suggests that you have a pure heart and an aura of courage. rather like myself...oh, forgive me for not introducing myself. I am Archmage. I was diagnosed with AS when i was very young, about 4, i think. i am 13 years of age now. i had most of my problems in my elementary school years, but now i think of it more as a blessing than a curse. this is because i am very intelligent,creative and imaginate(is that a word? :? ), and what didnt come to me naturally in terms of social skills, i learned on my own. ive even reduced my senses so that i am not bothered by loud noises, like i used to be ( although sharpen a knife in my earshot and i will freak :skull: ) i like it when people tell me i'm a geinus but i don't brag about it (even though i have an IQ of 153). My main problem is other people, especially the kind that like to physically intimidate you becaus they are mentally inferior to you. i have lots of friends, but that doesn't mean that i am wirthout enemies. one particular gang tried to ambush me on my way home from school, but i called the cops on them and they haven't messed with me since :P .
Still, my battles arent over yet. i will continue to stand up to bullies for the sake of all Asperger's kids, and i hope my magic powers peak before i get in high school, or im gonna have a hell of a time trying to defend myself. :(

Nice talking to ya
Archmage

I'd really blast a butt or two, for the sake of me and you! :lol:



Phoenix_Voice
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08 Sep 2004, 8:00 pm

my real name is actually Brian Tobin, and i don't even remember how exactly i thought of Phoenix Voice even though i did it fairly recently. ever since i found out exactly what a 'phoenix' was i have always loved them, beautiful bird and beautiful idea. and the being reborn in flame thing. i think the gist was i put phoenix for fire (= passion) and voice cause of, well, my voice, which i use to make music. and put them together. it could also signify dedication/persistence, as in, no matter what you (metaphorically) hit me with, i'll just (metaphorically) come back in flame the next stronger than before.. okay, that's getting too corny for my personal taste, but anyway..i like your idea, Archmage. i guess i do have a pure heart.. which is kind of a burden in this world ain't it? what with high school kids using, uh, other parts more than their hearts or brains.. heh. sorry, i'm pretty strongly irritated by this, so if i go off on a rant about stupid people.. well, i'll try not to. anyways, thanks for the replies :)

Phoenix


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