What are the rules of life? Answers on a Postcard

Post Reply New Topic

Hi all, im Matt,

I've come across this website via Wikipedia, and after reading through for hours have finally had the courage to join and post (even if this ends up a little long winded), I understand there are some people who have far more severe personal issues but here goes.

First of all, a little background info. I live in England, aged 20 and work as a barman.

As a child I had been diagnosed aspie along with my mother, we've had our problems but now get along. Long story short, 6 months ago I felt a turning point. I suddenly left my mothers home in Wales for both of our sakes (you could imagine the difficulties) to live with my father.

Living with my father is great, there absolutely no tension between me, him or my step-mother. 6 months ago I had a bottle of pills in my hands considering the easy way out, i'm astonished I pulled myself through.

But what I would like to ask is this:
Again things are great for me at home, steady bar job, car, ok I do tend to feel lonely but I understand thats from the short period of time (I had few close freinds back in Wales) but all is great and as far as i'm aware, no different from anyone else.

Anyways, i'm not sure if this is an aspie trait or not, but I get a constant feeling of urgency all the time, I have absolutely no idea where to go or what to do. All my waking time my conscience beats me up about my career, friendships, relationships. All the time I think about this, and when this happens, my self-esteem plummets.

The problem is i've got quite attached to this living life thing and really want to enjoy it, but I get really bad days where I just want that bottle again, I don't understand it and need it to stop.

I appreciate that this probably isn't a quik fix but might anyone have any advice on how to slow or stop what I guess is an overactive conscience?

Any help would be most appreciated, thanks Matt

Anxiety attacks, perhaps?

Take a class.

Really. I know that most of us have bad feelings about the structured classroom environment, with all the pushy and bully attitudes from others. But, this time, you will be in the classroom because YOU want to be there. To get knowledge. This will be taking a step towards creating a career. It will brush you up against potential friends. It will help you work on practices you will need to create and maintain a relationship. Take THAT, Mr. Conscience.

What class to take first is not really important, any more than stepping into the street with your left foot or your right foot first. The object is to get across that street and either foot first will start the task. I would recommend that you don't take a truely difficult subject first. Advanced Calculus is probably a poor choice. Take something that interests you, even if it is not a direct aid for the career you envision in the future. Take something.

It is not easy. It is not always fun. It can be confusing, frustrating and gnarly. But, it is worth it.

That is my advice. YOU have to decide if it is what you want to do and can do. Good Luck and keep us informed on how you are progressing.

Pops

"overactive conscience"...I think I understand what you mean. It's like you're hyper-aware of NT values and NT ambitions and the sense of urgency comes from trying to catch up in the NT rat race. Things may be going fairly well right now but you're worried that it's the "quiet before the storm", that maybe what's creating this "smoother reality" right now is a support system illusion that can disappear any second.

Let me tell you that the "urgency attacks" will not help you if you immediately act upon them. It's only going to rush you into bad decisions. It's important to be able to step back and assess what is available to you now and what might be available in the future and then formulate flexible plans. I think maybe your "urgency attacks" are a way of reminding you that good luck will not always just fall in your lap and that it's time to step back and assess now that you have more psychological space. You're gonna have to muster up flexible plans to move forward with or fall back on if/when "the storm" comes, the support system disappears, or bad luck falls into your lap.

I'm still trying to figure this out myself.

aguales, wow what a perfect answer! I couldn't agree more, and so well phrased ! !

Thank you all for your contributions!

In reply to rifler: Thank you, i'm considering university as a 'class' but that won't be until I feel ready, but you do have a valid point

I relate to what you are saying, but after finishing education last July I feel that the structure is the thing i'm missing.

Auguales, I think you've got the nail on the head, thats exactly how I feel. I can see what you mean with the Flexible planning, kinda like putting things into perspective.

Glad to help. Also if you can get your hands on this book by Michael John Carley, I believe it has great advice and a fresh perspective on being on the spectrum.

Greentea, sometimes I surprise myself.

Everybody has surprises that pop out at unexpected moments. I think we aspies surprise ourselves more often than do NTs. Perhaps because we are more introspective? hmmm

notoriousmagik, I was thinking more of one class, to break the ice, so to speak. Perhaps at one of the adult ed places, or a community college. I'm getting ready to begin to prepare to maybe take a class this Summer over at the college. It takes me awhile to get up the gumption to actually throw myself back into that race. However, I can get the training I want in a particular field much faster that way than by teaching myself. Additionally, I need an excuse to actually get out and mingle, drive the 20 miles to town and keep my NT-camoflage skills sharp.

Pops