Counting on Others

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I don't know if this is common for other people with Asperger's syndrome, but I find I cannot count on other people. What I mean is generally you might think that, if someone says they're going to do something, they're going to do it. When I say I'm going to do something, I usually do it (I hate backing out of promises). However, I have found that, when people say they'll do something or make promises towards me, it's as good as meaningless. That is, I have discovered, if you assume they will follow through, you're really assuming too much. I had three different things planned this weekend; every single activity fell through. Every time a woman has agreed to do something with me, the plans have fallen through (currently for a total of three times).

I know some people who are like that, and a lot of people who aren't.

It bugs the crap out of me, especially when I spend all day anticipating it, but I always end up giving them a second chance anyway =/ I'm far too trusting.

I've realized now that they just say "Yeah, we should hang out again sometime." to be nice...though I can't tell when they're being sincere or not. I'm sure they must feel pretty awkward when I say "Yeah, how's Friday?"

I've made the same experience - "when people say they'll do something or make promises towards me, it's as good as meaningless". (I would rather die a thousand deaths than not keep a promise.) Also: people lie. I've never realised before how much they lie. Basically you can't trust anything anybody says. I used to laugh at my father when he said things like that, but I've stopped laughing now.

I've been mistaken (taken by surprise) in both directions-assuming someone would be there who turned out not to be, and assuming somoene would not be there who did show up after all.

As in, I've taken seriously overtures from acquaintances, who did not follow through. Also have accepted offers from friends but in the intervening time we had an argument so I then believed the person would not honor previous commitment, yet the person did. Neither of these outcomes or distinctions (of relationship category) were obvious to me at the time, though.

Strongly dislike those who say things only to be "nice"-it leads to (what I see as) outright lying to my face-"just to placate me" as they see it, yet it distorts my expectations & I don't appreciate that one bit. Admit that I've been afraid of hostility in situations where I felt expected to reciprocate & I didn't, so can relate to the other role/side of scenario, too. Don't like being rejected nor do I like to be the one rejecting, either-both kinds of disparities make me very awkward & uncomfortable.

Fortunately at this point in my life, the few people who constitute my inner circle know better than to mess with my head (by saying anything they don't mean). I can't comprehend/decode strangers (or those who are familiar, but not well-known to me), sort the genuine from the false. At least if I've got one of my people with me, I can later ask "what did he/she mean ?" and "how did you understand what just transpired ?".

"People are no damn good. But they will always need land..."
- Lex Luthor

Modern, liberated women are entitled to that as compensation for being oppressed for so many years. They deserve to have it overlooked when they lie cheat or steal, but you shouldn't make a mistake EVER. Listen in on some men talking and you will noticed that you are lucky to be dumped by those kind of women in five minutes instead of five years after your first kid is born or aborted.

The moral of the story: Avoid modernized, liberated women.

That is the main reason why I don't trust people or believe a word they say when they say they are going to do something. Now I have learned to do that unfortunitly.
Hey they do it, so it shouldn't matter if I don't do something either when I say I would; but I only do it to the people who do it fortunitly. It's like a taste of their own medicine.

I can't count on others either. Sometimes people aren't very dependable.

My ex did this all the time. he would say he is going to do something and he wouldn't do it. It drove me crazy. I can remember the time he said he was going to see his niece graduate and he would like to take me. So I wait and that day comes and he doesn't leave at the time he said he would and I wait more, and I keep calling him to see what he is up to, couldn't get a hold of him. So I decided screw it I am going to the AB gathering in the park.
Oh yeah, another time he said he was going to take his son to the Rose Festival, I wait for him but I never hear from him and the fact I didn't know what time he was going to come and he never answers his phone so I decided on the last day of it, screw him I am going there by myself and that was what I did. And he was also an aspie. Yes even aspies can act this way too.