Please give this mom some advice!

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My 10 yo Aspie is having major sensory issues with shoes. Once he gets use to a new pair of shoes, he never wants a new pair tho.

He requested a new pair of shoes... I bought the only brand he will wear. Bought the size he should be in and the next size up, so he'd have some options on how they felt.

For the past week he refuses to wear his old shoes, or either pair of his new ones cause they feel funny. He has been wearing flip flops that are too small on the wrong feet because they feel better that way. I could care less what shoes he wears or how but the school is throwing a fit because flip flops are against school policy.

When made to wear his shoes he has a melt down.

Suggestions from aspies on how they have dealt with shoe issues would be great.

It takes me forever to get used to new shoes. Me, I don't know how he can tolerate that thong between the toes. Ugh!
You might keep him home for a week or two and do his schoolwork there. In the mean time, you set the timer in front of him and say on the first day, you only have to wear the shoes for ten minutes and then you get a reward. (something small but desirable, maybe a piece of a set of something he likes. He will feel compelled to finish the set) Let him watch the timer if he wants. The next day set it at fifteen. The day after that at twenty. Eventually as the times lengthen he will get used to the new shoes.
As I think about it, you don't need to keep him home to do it, but it avoids problems with the school policies if you do. If you can't keep him home, do it after school while doing something he likes.

PS Once our daughter knew we would let her take off the bra as soon as we put it on her she stopped throwing tantrums. It became the morning ritual for 4 or 5 months. We'd put the bra on. She'd take it off and put on her shirt. Then one day she kept it on.

Ugh shoes. I totally empathise with him.
Have you tried him with boots?

All I can wear is flip flops and my ugg-boots.
I know Ugg boots click are mainly girls and expensive, but you can get boys ones, like these click but im sure you could get cheap ones, im just showing you these because I know them. Anyway, sorry, words. Umm, yes, I can wear these because there are no laces, I can take them off easily, they look like shoes but to me they are slippers. Inside the real ones are sheepskin, the cheap ones are furry stuff so they are warm but you can wriggle your toes.

I don't know what country you're in but in the UK you can pick them up everywhere.
The other thing you could try is Crocs click they look more like shoes than flip flops but are nice and loose, not only that but you can get them in loads of colours and if you have an Aspie with an obsession they might find some 'Jibbetz' click to help encourage him to wear the shoes, I know that would have worked with me!

Trust me...I sympathise. The 5 minutes at a time thing works well at times...however, there are times when my son (or I) can't even manage that, and the whole 5 minutes is unbearable.

I take my son to payless or some such store where there is open stock and he can try on as many shoes as he likes. I tell him it is totally up to him what to he gets.

At 10 there should be some ability to get some cooperation. Explain that he has a choice, wear his new shoes or he can't leave the house. (Hide the flip flops). I know it sounds terrible, but the decision in the end is his...and sometimes that is what it takes.

There are many options at orthopedic shoe stores. Wide, loose shoes...with no bits inside them that will drive you nuts.

Patience, though. Patience. It is frustrating, but you'll weather this one. I try and let my son be the boss in decision regarding him. I give him the power...but I choose what options he gets presented with. I find this is key. Offer him 1,2 or 3 choices, but let him decide.

Have you tried aqua shoes? They are the ones made for the beach, they are essentially a sock with a thin rubber sole. When I was his age that's all I would wear. They are really comfy and more acceptable than bare feet =)

Have you asked him what area of his feet hurt when he puts the shoes on? It does seem odd that he wouldn't be willing to wear the shoes that he used to wear. I usually stay desensitized to things as long as I keep wearing them. Maybe he just realized after wearing the flip flops that it feels good to have air on your feet,(I hate shoes). I do find clogs and dance shoes most comfortable because they don't press on the top tendons of my feet but I found clogs uncomfortable when I was a kid because it felt like I would fall in them...not enough sensory feedback...point being, that our sensory needs can change....weird huh?

well I always wear and buy SAM airwalk skateboarder shoes, recently my grandma bought me new shoes that are CANDY airwalk skateboarder shoes, I was very unhappy because the new ones felt different than the SAM type that I have been wearing for 2 years. Therefore I hate the CANDY shoes...

...the different styles have names sometimes

Could it be something like that? Maybe he likes a particular type more?

Ask him what bothers him about the shoes.

_________________
~ Carrie
It's just me and I'll find a way to make it (Blue October/It's Just Me)

Remember these? This is a Brannock Device. Aside from being shiny and cool-looking (and ick, covered in foot-germs), I've found it's a great way to measure up a spectrum kid's foot size. That way, you don't have to measure by changing in and out of a hundred pairs of shoes and ask how they fit. The store probably has a second one, in case he wants to play with one while you measure him.



Light-up shoes. Find 'em in velcro if you can. I know my kid brother - as Aspie as the day is long - was so thrilled with the fact his shoes lit up when he walked, and the fact his shoes could go "KKHHHKKK! KHHHHKKK!", that he wouldn't wear any other kind for the next 5 years or so. You might want to find something like these and see if he takes a shine to 'em. Of course, each kid will have his own tastes.

OY, the difficulties of the ready-to-wear fiction we have to deal with, inspired by the needs of the U.S. Army in the American Civil War!

There was no such thing as ready to wear clothing or shoes before that time; the need for lots of uniforms and shoes for the common soldier in standardized sizes (no such concept existed before that, either) created that imagination. The civilian market before that time wore entirely hand-made clothing and shoes, and officers have always purchased their own, custom-tailored uniforms.

Clothing was either made by a professional tailor or a family member.

To buy shoes, you went to a shoemaker and your shoes were always made to fit your feet; there's no such thing as a standard human foot size, that's a "good enough for government work" proposition; same for clothing.

Ironically, we're still faced with this 19th century problem in the 21st century with regard to both clothing and shoes, despite the fact it's been almost 30 years since a computer book author (I think it was Frank Herbert, author of "Dune", and the comp book IIRC was called "Without Me, You're Nothing!") proposed a 20th century solution.

The proposal was "made-to-order ready-to-wear"; get your measurements put into a data base at your ready-to-wear center, and order all apparel items to your personal specs, CNC machines cut out the pieces and assembly is standard. Your clothing and shoes would have the same tailor/shoemaker perfect fit they had before the model based on miltary need was imposed on a public used to properly fitted apparel.

Some people have said they'd even pay more if they could just get apparel that actually fits properly.

All the technology to implement the basic model existed then, and if I'd been of the merchant caste, I'd have put every penny I could "beg, borrow or steal" into starting such a business. Todays high tech evolution would easily accomodate all the "bells and whistles", "icing on the cake".

I'd have been a billionaire today, and "King of the Mountain" in ready-to-wear.

p.s., I had plenty trouble with uncomfortable shoes when I was young, and shoes have been one of those continual problems in life; when I came to the West Coast in my late twenties, I started wearing ankle-high work boots, and in more recent years, after a case of plantar fascitis found a comfortable hiking boot under the "North Face" label, which I now wear with a "Dr. Scholls" arch-support insert.

Oh yes! I almost forgot; that plantar fascitis was brought on by wearing those "comfy old shoes" until they were cracked-through in the sole, long after I should have bought new ones. I'm slow to learn, but I do learn from my mistakes.

i would just ask what kind of shoes he likes and maybe pic em up together