Shoe Issues

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My 10 yo Aspie is having major sensory issues with shoes. Once he gets use to a new pair of shoes, he never wants a new pair tho.

He requested a new pair of shoes... I bought the only brand he will wear. Bought the size he should be in and the next size up, so he'd have some options on how they felt.

For the past week he refuses to wear his old shoes, or either pair of his new ones cause they feel funny. He has been wearing flip flops that are too small on the wrong feet because they feel better that way. I could care less what shoes he wears or how but the school is throwing a fit because flip flops are against school policy.

When made to wear his shoes he has a melt down.

Suggestions from other moms of aspies on how they have dealt with shoe issues would be great.

I went through similar circumstances when I was younger. I never liked other shoes, and I only wore the ones I was used to wearing. Although I never had much of an issue with it, and I can't really speak much in this subject, it would probably be best to take your child with you when you go to pick out shoes, and let him try on ones that he may like, that way he knows what he is getting, and knows what he likes.

As for me, I do not have much options considering my shoe size (I am 15 years old and wear a size 16)
So I special order my shoes.

I went through that too as a kid. Now I work for a shoe company! For many years, I just wore the same exact brand and style of shoe, just larger sizes.

I feel SO BADLY for all the grief I gave our son over not learning to tie his shoes. He's extremely intelligent, and I knew I'd learned to tie my shoes around age 3, so I could not understand why he was balking so hard. I thought he was just acting spoiled. I know now it's related to the AS, but I didn't realize that then. He's about to finish third grade and still won't/can't tie his shoes. He's been wearing the same pair of slip-on sneakers since he picked them out at the end of last summer. They have holes worn in the sides and the soles are almost worn smooth. I took him to pick out another pair - I always let him help pick his shoes - and we found a slip-on pair that would DO, but it wasn't the exact style/color he wanted. Silly me, I didn't want to shop anymore (we'd already been to three places, and that was ENOUGH, for both of us), so I bought the shoes. They've sat, unworn, in his room since then. They're just a half size larger than the ones he's currently wearing, but he hasn't worn them ONCE. I've come to realize that he may never wear them, and I wasted some money that day (thank god they were on sale).

Soccer season is a bit of a problem, though. There are no "slip-on" soccer cleats. I wonder which would be more humiliating for him - the other boys seeing his mommy tieing his shoes for him, or him having to ask one of them to help him? He's nearly in fourth grade. I'm not saying I _want_ him humiliated... I've seen him actually tie his shoes, after several tries, and he seems so elated and proud of himself. But he'll manage it once, triumph!, and then won't try again until the next time he's basically forced to - at which point, because he hasn't practiced at all, he's forgotten again, and gets frustrated to the point of meltdown all over again.

I wish we could let them all run wild and barefoot all the time!

I hate laces too. I wear slip on boots made by Danner.

I take my kids with me to get new shoes, and wonder of wonder, my child with asperger's always picks the exact same shoes only the next size up. As long as I explain why he needs new shoes, (that they will start to hurt soon because his feet keep growing, or that they are falling apart,) he seems okay with it. I always have him throw the old ones away as soon as we get home, too.

We go to Wal-mart and they seem to pretty much have the same shoes every time we go. (the basics at least.)

I don't know if this is part of the acceptance or not, but I always tell them that this is the place we are going, and this is the place they are getting shoes and that they will pick their new shoes today, or I will pick something myself that they WILL wear.

On the shoe tying thing, I took forever to learn to tie mine. My boys all have the velcro flaps on their shoes. For the soccer shoes, I would probably just make sure to double knot them the first time and hope they stay together. (Just make sure he knows who he should ask before he gets in that situation, that should make it less embarrassing in the long run IF they do come undone.)

My son does get the same basic shoe every time we get shoes... He will only wear a brand of skate boarding shoe called Adio. They are very easy to find and are always the same cut, only differnt colors.

The skate shoes have an elastic tongue. This way you can knot the shoe laces and it makes them a slip on. He can not tie his shoes either (fine motor issues)

We STILL have a huge adjustment issue. I dont understand why it is so difficult when it is the same shoe, only an inch longer... Hell, his foot is an inch longer at this point!

To address your first and main problem of shoes and school, he has to follow the rules. Rotten maybe, but he has too.

Can you try get him to wear the old ones only, don't even try the new ones yet, while in school only. Remind him he can take them off under his desk during class but that if he breaks the rule even once, he must wear what ever you say for the rest of the year.

Sigh, I hate to say these things. I understand especially about shoes. My entire family is famous for it.
But I finally learned to just slip things like high heels off as soon as possible.

As for buying shoes, I always take the kids with me with full bellies, get in and out as quick as possible and tell them once they pick, they can't un-pick.

My son's almost 3 so I don't know if it will apply to your 10 year old, but the day we buy new shoes we throw away the old ones so he only ever owns 1 pair of shoes. That way there's no fight about what shoes he wears, it's either the 1 pair he has or he doesn't go outside.

We tried that too Mage...

Prob was, he then had a reason to not go to school... he didnt have shoes (or ones he'd wear!)

son always did the same brand, same style- until one day, they didn't have them anymore

now, at age 16, it's very hard to get him to go get new shoes.he wil wear shoes with holes in them. holes bad enough to have teachers asking if we need $ to buy new shoes. he's even worn duct tape on his shoes to hold them together....

the only suggestion i have is to explain to your son that it is against school policy to wear flip flops, and that he HAS to wear shoes that are not flip flops. if the school has this in writing, it might help to reinforce this with your son

What does your son tell you specifically when you ask him why he won't wear his new shoes? With him wearing the flip-flops too small, and on the wrong feet I'm wondering if the arch in the shoe isn't what's bothering him. With people that have sensory issues with their feet the slightest difference as to where the arch sits against the foot causes a lot of discomfort. It also could be the feel of socks. I know that it doesn't make sense, but certain sensory issues come, and go without reason.

I'd probably have a talk with your son's principal about sensory issues, and assure him/her that you're working on a solution. You could also ask if the school's Occupational Therapist could be of any help in finding a solution.

In the meantime, ask if he could maybe switch from the flip flops to socks while in the classroom until you can find a pair of shoes that your son will wear. At least then his feet will be covered.

Good luck!

Ah, the nightmare of shoes ...

We're do for another pair, and I dread it.

First I have to talk my son into shopping. Then I have to hope we can find a pair he likes before he nears melt down from having to go shopping. If we can't, it will be weeks before I can talk him into it again.

I've learned not to settle. I've also learned that the same pair, some brand, is not always the answer. So, he HAS to shop. And he knows this. He is well aware of all the shoes I've brought home that "should" have worked that he ended up hating. You know, ultimately, he wants to be happy in his shoes as much as we want him happy in his shoes. So it's a matter of sell, sell, sell, and hit the right timing.

Our current routine is to go to the Mall where we have a Stride Right and a Payless right across from each other. My son decides which to check out first. At Payless he will try on all the potentially acceptable shoes (maybe 3 pairs), and decide if any work. At Stride Right we can settle in and let the professionals take over. Oh my, he makes them work for the sale! I think we're about .60% for success at Stride Right, and 30% for success at Payless. If neither store works, well, we'll talk about making a trip "next week" to Nordstrom's to see what they have. Thats our last 10% for success, lol.

Oh, and the trip to the mall always comes with an offer for a favorite lunch or stop at a toy store, depending on what he is in the mood for. Sometimes he wants to hit and run, sometimes he likes the bribe. I try to let him feel in control.

Barefoot would be great, though, wouldn't it? EXCEPT my son doesn't care for THAT, either, oh my!

I'm pretty fussy about shoes, my mom always used to make me pick the shoes out myself, then she knew she might have a chance of me wearing them.

My son doesn't like laces, he'll tie them in knots just so he doesn't have to tie them...unfortuately not all shoes are slip on's or come with elastic laces... we found these about a year ago and they work really well for us I usually keep a few pair on hand, I like them too.

http://www.locklaces.com/

Oh yeah, been there, I had MAJOR issues with shoes. Socks too. For me it was getting used to a pair, which took time but eventually happened. Sometimes I'd wear them around the house to try to get used to them. Shoes that tied were pretty much a non-option because they always felt different. Does he have any OT services? I understand that they can really help with sensory issues such as this.