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Shelby
Deinonychus
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Joined: 30 Apr 2007
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 326

28 May 2008, 12:37 am

shopaholic: No it can't have got back to her that I was asking about this incident, because I never used her name with anyone I asked, and I also asked only people that don't know her (because it could still get back, "Oh Shelby is upset with someone who wanted to listen to their Ipod..." and she would know it was her!)

*sigh* Yes I've always tensed when someone hugs me. Once someone told me "Hugging you is like hugging a tree." I will blame that one squarely on my autism, but when I'm more aware of it I can work on it. I found if I reach for her first, she will hug back so I'm not sending the "STAY AWAY!" message 8) But after the strangeness lately I don't dare to hug her.

I like your advice deadpanhead! You and shopaholic really seem to have a grasp of the situation even though you don't know either of us and you're only going on the information I give you. I keep wondering "How do they KNOW that?" :wink: To answer your question: No, I don't believe she is fake at all, I really don't. That is GREAT advice about setting limits, I think you are right. When we (Aspies I mean) try to be friendly and kind to someone, I think it can come across in the wrong way because it's not always coming naturally to us. So YES, I think it can make people uncomfortable because they may be thinking "What does she want from me?"

I actually realized something today: this woman is incredibly kind, friendly and affectionate with me - when no one else is around. She was like my best friend earlier that afternoon, in the hallway where nobody we knew was around. The Ipod incident happened when we were in a room that was about to fill up with people. It dawned on me today that this has happened before - she has been so blunt before as with the Ipod comment, but I had noticed she will often pretend not to notice me, then when we are alone she will suddenly strike up a conversation! I'm thinking someone has been talking about me, either that or there's one person in particular who doesn't want us being friends. She has a very possessive best friend who others have commented doesn't seem to want her having other friends. Could be part of this...

I might actually get to the bottom of this situation, with your help! Thanks guys!



shopaholic
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Joined: 31 Jul 2007
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28 May 2008, 4:05 am

Shelby wrote:
You and shopaholic really seem to have a grasp of the situation even though you don't know either of us and you're only going on the information I give you.


Just a process of deduction. I'm good like that. :)

Anyway, what you are saying now was actually another thing I had been wondering about. The way she touched your shoulder could have meant "don't worry, I am still your friend - my ignoring-you act is not real!"

If her other friend gets possessive, this could well be it, and is the more acceptable explanation.

The less acceptable explanation would be that others have decided that you are "strange" and that she cares enough about what they think not to want to be seen with you.

I really hope it is the former possibility & not the latter.



deadpanhead
Velociraptor
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Joined: 18 May 2008
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28 May 2008, 10:00 am

shopaholic wrote:
Shelby wrote:
You and shopaholic really seem to have a grasp of the situation even though you don't know either of us and you're only going on the information I give you.


Just a process of deduction. I'm good like that. :)


I'm just old, lol! I'm SO glad we can be of help.


Edit: Oooooo! Just made this thread popular! First for me, let the pigeons loose, haha!



Shelby
Deinonychus
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Joined: 30 Apr 2007
Age: 41
Gender: Female
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29 May 2008, 5:07 am

You are helpful, definitely, sometimes you just need outside opinions from someone who doesn't know the situation and can just sit back and look at it objectively!

The Aspie part of me wants to just give up when it comes to any difficult relationship. This woman works for my company, but we don't work directly together. Which means I can basically avoid her and never have to speak to her again. It's definitely a temptation.