9 Amazing Years. Married in 2010! Am I the crazy one?!

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Snuggletoot
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30 May 2008, 4:31 am

I cannot imagine loving someone as unique and magical and quirky and just so damned interesting as my Adam. I weep with gratitude just as often as I weep in frustration. My agony comes from not knowing what to do to help him sometimes, although often itt is mingled with tears of selfishness at the depths he drags through - I never asked for that!! ! But after so many years (9) I am his rock and it would be abuse to take that away. And it gives me such rewarding and meaningful experiences that I can love someone so much and truly know I understand them better than anyone else on the planet. Its a measuure I hold myself (being an unusual person also) and I know how for some, having just one person on Earth who 'gets' you is the only reason you need to keep going.

Sometimes I'm aware don't have these things for myself which pangs a wee bit, but I know I can one day figure it out - hopefully! But for all the misunderstandings, the misinterpretations, the ignoring, the making-up-stories the invented injustices and the hopeless moments when I am the most demanding nonsensical demonic spastic screaming hitler (according to the screaming hysterical Adam) I know I need to be there and care about him and love him. Not a masochist, not low sesteem (just), but as far as I am concerned he is my husband and I will love and protect him and my job is to make his life better.

I've typed this tonight because it has been a hard night and no-one understands, you can't talk to people about this can you? They just don't get it. Would you leave a partner if they lost their legs? Would a mother dispose of a baby because they weren't perfect? Who is perfect? I nearly look perfect I must admit, but I love my Adam so much. I hope I'm doing the rght things by him but how do you ever know? Read a book? That's just a bunch of opinions designed to sell. I follow my heart and I know he feels safe and loved. He's a genius and hugely successful in business (one nice perk for me I must say!) so I hope I am creating an environment where his talents can grow and give him pleasure and his uniqueness is refined enough for the rest of the world to enjoy this quirky magical man as I do. I love him so much. I could never have predicted nor would have never chosen, but I would never have it any other way.



merr
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30 May 2008, 4:05 pm

When is the wedding? :)

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Sometimes I'm aware don't have these things for myself which pangs a wee bit, but I know I can one day figure it out - hopefully!

are you afraid he'll never understand you?



Snuggletoot
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30 May 2008, 5:01 pm

Hmmm I don't know if I'm afraid of that... we've reached a place where we have learned to accept each others bits that we don't understand. And I guess sometimes I feel like its me doing all the understanding, but I know he must feel the same sometimes. I think we both do our best, its just that when you glance out into fairytale land you know you don't have that - who does!! ! But often people see us together 9 years on and say things like 'I've never seen a couple so in love as you two are'. We still tell each other I love you every day and we're always thinking of ways to make the other happy.

Does anyone ever truly understand their lover or partener? Or is it acceptance we crave? I think we get confused by the constraintss of the english language when trying to define what makes us happy.



merr
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31 May 2008, 4:27 am

Snuggletoot wrote:
Hmmm I don't know if I'm afraid of that... we've reached a place where we have learned to accept each others bits that we don't understand. And I guess sometimes I feel like its me doing all the understanding, but I know he must feel the same sometimes. I think we both do our best, its just that when you glance out into fairytale land you know you don't have that - who does!! ! But often people see us together 9 years on and say things like 'I've never seen a couple so in love as you two are'. We still tell each other I love you every day and we're always thinking of ways to make the other happy.

Does anyone ever truly understand their lover or partener? Or is it acceptance we crave? I think we get confused by the constraintss of the english language when trying to define what makes us happy.
i like how you put things. very true.

what we've grown up knowing as what life should be, is often not what it is or at least people assume because it is a story or based on feeling, that it isnt true. but i'd like to think that if you want it to happen, it could possibly happen. you only need the other person to realize what you do. i've always pictured life with music behind it- makes it feel like a movie, and it feels extremely touching and involving in that way, and never boring. i think that you and your partner have reached that possibly? and you are right, people are always learning about one another- never stops.



Snuggletoot
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31 May 2008, 5:48 am

Thank you, and yes you're right about the music, I think so too! I always think that you can have a scene in a movie and it can look and feel completely ddifferent depending on what music is playing. So the music represents how you perceive, or remember, the scene. I could make a film which paints me as a poor downtrodden martyr and Adam as a monster, and I can easily paint me as a willing victim and Adam as a frustrated innocent. I choose the sweeping epic love story that traverses oceans, cultures and time itself! Its up to us what music we play, and its up to us who we listen to and who we let interfere. Thank you for getting it! x x