when your child gets suspended for threatening another child

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But if people are doing annoying things they need to be told. Then they can't make so many excuses if they keep on doing it even after they were informed their behaviour was bothering somebody. Telling others you were annoyed helps but you also need to attack the problem at its source.

Pandora, I agree. But now, we have one day left of school, and next year, he won't be in this class. I can prep him for what happens NEXT time somebody annoys him -- but my problem is, do I have to do this on a daily basis everyday before he goes to school? I can guarantee that I'm going to forget, when we go six months without any problem like this.

I can see it now --

"Ok, son, today, if someone annoys you, try to ignore it, but if that doesn't work, go talk to the teacher about it."

on a daily basis.

This is where I'm the failure. I can't possibly remember all of the little things that "might" go wrong in his day, especially when they don't occur every day. And even if I did, is he going to remember what to do when he's under pressure? Probably not.

On the other hand, over time, if I (and the school personnel) can be patient enough, he will eventually evolve, and learn how to handle this as his maturity level increases.

As a side note -- I was having lunch with some NT friends of mine, and talking about my son's situation, and we all said "if this had happened when we were kids, nobody would have even blinked. Nowadays the schools make such a big deal about this sort of thing." I understand WHY the school has to make a big deal, but it still makes me shake my head that things have gotten so crazy in our society that we have to regulate all behavior in our children -- one is suspended if one says something out of impulse, every kid gets a trophy in competitions, for safety's sake there is very little playground equipment at our elementary school, etc. It's just weird.

DW_a_mom, you are so right about this. If the AS child continually asks a teacher to stop certain behaviors in the class (and it is unreasonable to do so), it will just cause further social problems for the AS child.

Thanks Bazza, exactly the message I was getting across. Going with the flow is okay in some instances but not when other kids are deliberately winding up another child. We have a right to be able to feel comfortable in our own space without people who have been told their behaviour is annoying continually doing the same with no consideration.

Agreed that there are also lines and issues coming from the other direction. It is inappropriate for other kids to do behaviors simply because they know it bugs someone else, and many classrooms could use a lot more order, period.

My point was that there always needs to be a lot of thought going into where these lines sit. Knowing that does not come naturally to our kids at all, understanding all angles / working them through is really important. For example, my son got mad one year at his neighbors in the classroom because they were no longer allowing him to overflow onto their desks. In his mind, they were wrong. But they really were not. They were exercising their rights, and he simply could not see it. So, it needs to get talked through.

These kids usually aren't deliberately winding him up -- especially the two sisters who he threatened, who have historically been good friends to him.

He apologized to the girls, and they graciously accepted his apology. Also, the Asst. principal somehow "forgot" to give him suspension. She may give it to him today, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if she "forgets" to give it to him today as well, as it is the last day of school, and I think that the asst. principal is sympathetic.

DW_a_Mom is right again, in that there is such a problem with teaching a child where the line should be drawn in these situations. I am continually trying to teach my son to stand up for himself when his sister tries to take advantage of him (asking him to get her a drink too much, asking him to do her work, etc.). I tell him he doesn't have to do that, he is being taken advantage of, and after about four years, he is just now "getting it." It's the perfect training situation for him. But that really fuzzy line, at school, where you don't know the whole situation, and you don't know if my son is making a mountain out of a molehill because somebody laughed in a weird way and he's tired, and he just doesn't like hearing that sound at that particular moment -- or if he's being taunted or annoyed purposely and he is entitled to get the teacher involved to make the annoyance stop -- man, that's hard. You never get the full story, from the teacher, or the asst. principal, and LEAST of all from my son, who can't always tell me what happened in exactly the way it happened. It's a confusing situation for EVERYONE.

My son said so many outrageous things at school, but language never meant much to him. My son was suspended a few times for the things he said. I'm not concerned about it at all though. He's growing out of it.

schleppenheimer,

I guess I should put my 2 cents in. I'll try and assume everyone is telling the truth. Your boy's demeaner sounds a bit like mine, so MAYBE I can clear something up.

MAYBE he is being talked down to a bit, and not given enough challenge, and the other students pushed him to the brink. When the sub came, the others acted even WORSE, and he just got FED UP!

I can SERIOUSLY imagine that. Ask ANYONE that ever knew me, and they will tell you I NEVER EVEN SWEAR!! !! Most swear I never drink alcohol or coffee. I was in a highschool class onetime, and got everyone to SHUTUP by quietly saying ONE word! SHOOT! THEY thought the vowels were something different, and couldn't believe I said that. It was just my way of saying DARN! STILL, I could see me blowing up like your son.

In fact, I once did it with a kid in Junior high! He was part of a gang of three that, the day after ganging up on me and bashing my head into a locker, started harassing me. I said "DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU!?!?"! I never told anyone that, but I did say that. I was just trying to get to class and was, as I always had been, minding my own business. I'm sure that, today, if anyone heard a child say that the child would be suspended or worse.

But you weren't there. I was almost unconcious, tired, and bruised, and had to go home the day of the locker incident. To this day, my mother says she wishes she had pursued it. It is ironic and IDIOTIC that an institution CLAIMING to try to develop the brain virtually SANCTIONS such garbage that threatens to wipe out any ability for it to develop.

BTW I think it STINKS! If I am HOME SICK, even feeling near death and vomiting blood, etc.... People will call with questions because the work HAS to get done. To tell you the truth, they are all arbitrary deadlines, but they still do.

YET, a "teacher" will often not even truly PRETEND to follow a lesson plan. Subs are SUPPOSED to be a substitute, and NOT a pacifier. They often know LESS about what they are doing, and kids act up. In the US, there is a late night cartoon called "king of the hill" ( http://www.fox.com/kingofthehill/ )

The dumbest one of the hill family has GOT to be peggy hill. She thinks she is the brightest, and fancies herself a great spanish speaker, but she doesn't know how to pronounce ANYTHING, and makes lots of other blunders, and struggles! Compared to her, I must be more fluent in Spanish than I am in English!(I actually struggle with Spanish, but CAN pronounce things fine and have a decent vocabulary, etc...) Her job? Substitute Spanish "teacher"! Of course, that isn't her only failing, but it fits here and is made very obvious in many episodes. At least the other people in the family know they aren't that great.

BTW, for the feminists out there. A LOT of shows make the husband out to be some kind of buffoon. Turn about is fair play.

BTW In NORMAL classes, they LIMIT how kids can act up, and they are a bit more challenging, so your son would be less likely to have an outburst there.

BESIDES! Where he is NOW, the teacher probably sees him as a lost cause. NOT because of HIM, but because of where he is. That is like POISON to a person of decent intelligence. He would HATE IT!

There is a reason I don't pretend to follow the lesson plan when I sub. I've taught it before, I know it. The lesson plans are standardized across teh district, and often times i've just taught to another class the day or week before. So why would I pretend to be following it? That just takes away from my ability to watch the children while I teach it. Furthermore, I would have serious doubts about letting any permanent teacher teach who appeared to be following her plans. if he/she doesn't know the plans they have to teach well enough to teach without consulting them, they have no business being in the classroom. And those that do consult them enough to be noticed are most likely too ill-prepared to enact the flexibility needed to be enact immediately when students react unexpectedly, either learning the material more quickly than planned, or struggling more because they don't have the past basis they were supposed too

Student behavior in regards to subs rarely has to to do with the subs ability (though that does affect it as some subs are so stupid they sit there in read a book and let kindergartners run wild). The problem with behavior regarding subs is that many students think they can get away with anything simply because the sub doesn't know their name.

When the sub has no control, 9 times out of 10 its because the school doesn't permit subs to have control. The district I sub in allows me to give students detention, which turn into either 2 day detentions or suspensions when I hand them in, or write a discipline report, which is even worse. All I have to do is flash those detention slips and the kids snap to attention and i've no problems at all for the entire time i'm with them. i tried subbing in a school that didn't allow subs to do that. So I didn't have the students names, as not every teacher has a seating chart, and I didn't have anything to threaten them with. Once I was asked to sub for a few hours in the high school. First, I soon discovered i had 6 kids in the classroom who should have been in other classes. Who knows how many i didn't find out about? I had a student who refused to put his cell phone away and was making calls (cell phones not allowed in this school). So since I couldn't give him detention I called the principals office. She spoke with him and let him keep his phone. What do you think the odds are of him ever listening to me when the prinicipals actions jsut showed him there would be no consequences of his not doing so?

Triangular_Trees,

I don't know you. I am old enough that I doubt you were ever a teacher in any of my classes. I meant NO offense to you. I'm just saying that is the perception, and it can thus be a contributing factor. Things change, it puts the kids on edge. The teacher is different, so they are more comfortable with bigger outbursts. The teacher figures there is no point, and does nothing. It escalates, and things get said. THAT is all I meant. I ramble sometimes, and peggy hill fit the stereotype.

I apologize if you were personally offended by my statements.