Using people's names in conversation
This is one of my main problems, and how I ended up learning about AS in the first place. I've never been able to say peoples names whan talking to them or greeting them etc for as long as I can remember. I can use them in 3rd person context occasionally, but never directly to them. Its made worse by the fact I often feel guilty about not doing it as I think the person might think its rude to never use their name particualry if I've known them a long time. One person I know has already had a go at me several times over it and even when I explain its a phobia of sorts it cuts no ice... the funny thing is I suspect he has AS as well though lol
I dont particualry like hearing my name said to me in a sentence though, its like I associate it with being told off for something even when its not used that way.
I think most people who know me well have realised by now its difficult for me and just accept me as I am. If I do try to say a name my mind either blanks or I stutter trying to get it out and then give up so its made obvious theres a problem. Plus I do let people know about it after I've known them a bit. Most people seem to understand...it only seems to be my more egotistical friends and coleagues that dont lol
I hate using people's names! I suppose once I get used to it, I can refer some people by their names when they're not around but when talking to someone directly, I generally cannot use their name. I will typically avoid the issue and just make sure I have their attention before speaking and refer to them as 'you.' Also when I was in school, if I had a crush on a guy or something I found it impossible to say their name for some reason, even when they weren't around. I could refer to them as a nickname/code name, though. I also think it is very wierd when people (or I) say my name.
I tend to assign random nicknames (which are often a real name, just not their name for example I called my ex husband Neddy [his name was Michael] and one of my old boyfriends Bob [his name was Jordan] ) and that is much easier for me to say for some reason.
I don't know why this is
I don't know why this is
People like us communicate on a different level and have no real need for names other than a cataloguing system I think....Names are a thing of the past, bring on telepathy
People shouldn't have names. I understand the need for them but I don't like it. Is a name really any significance if anyone else can have the same name as you? If anything we should be going by numbers and identify people by characteristics or shortened form of that number. I don't call people by their names I call them "that girl/boy/kid" or just "he/she". I don't know a lot of people's names that I'm around. But if you were to change their name or nickname, you are to me whoever you first introduced to me as.
I never use people's names in conversation. The only time I use other people's names is when I am talking about that person, not with that person. I think it is kind of amazing how when I am talking to someone, I never call them their names. i just talk like I am talking to a stranger. i do not even use pronouns like Mrs, etc. When I begin talking I just say hi, and start talking. When I need someone, i just tap them on the shoulder or just ask my question without mentioning their name. I think it is some cool phenomenon. Everyone around me notices that and tells me how can I have a conversation without mentioning the person's name even once. I just say it is my Asperger's. It does help if you are forced to talk to your enemies because I would not feel comfortable calling my enemy by their name. At the same time, i do not even have to call them a mean name or any name and just tell them how I feel.
YES!
I hadn't really thought about this before, but I will do this every time. I cannot stand using a person's name in conversation. I will avoid it at all cost, like you said, waiting until I can get their attention some other way.
I suppose that using someone's name feels too personal... as if I am opening myself up to the imposing uncertainty of genuine social interaction. I think that I've learned to avoid addressing people by their names, not letting myself get too close to them, and thereby not putting myself in a position to make mistakes, be embarrassed, or have a panic attack.
At least in my case, this phenomenon appears to be a defense mechanism against unpredictable socialization. hmmm.....
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Plantae/Magnoliophyta/Magnoliopsida/Fabales/Fabaceae/Mimosoideae/Acacia
I suppose that using someone's name feels too personal... as if I am opening myself up to the imposing uncertainty of genuine social interaction. I think that I've learned to avoid addressing people by their names, not letting myself get too close to them, and thereby not putting myself in a position to make mistakes, be embarrassed, or have a panic attack.
At least in my case, this phenomenon appears to be a defense mechanism against unpredictable socialization. hmmm.....
My cousin who has some psychology training actually said that to me once. He said I seem to avoid using names to keep some sort of detatchment from people and avoid bonding too closely with people out of caution.
Wow I thought that was just me!! !!
Just some of my friends I do my best to avoid calling them by their names and resort to OI or something. Others I'm Ok with.
I also have trouble with teachers on trips when they want us to call them by their proper names, even when talking about them to others, I can't do it.
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Monty Python's Life of Brian
I don't use people's names when talking to them or trying to get their attention. I even find myself thinking about people by the nickname I've given them. My wife isn't "Amber", she's "honey" (or other pet names). When I'm sorting out the laundry, I don't think "this is mine and this is Amber's" it's "this is mine and this is honey's."
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You're way too intelligent for my sarcasm.
Yeah, I do this too! With my current boyfriend it is even more extreme. I literally have NO name for him. In my mind he doesn't need a label because I know who I am thinking about. He is an entity.. a presence. I don't even label him with a pronoun like 'him.' He just has absolutelty no label in my mind. Its really hard to explain. Fortunately, he is AS and hates names and labels and loves that I don't have a name for him
Aspienoid
Raven
Joined: 12 Jan 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 112
Location: Somewhere in Outer Space
When I try to use the person's name, it just doesn't seem to fit. They'll greet me with "Hi, (Aspienoid)," and I'll just say "Hi," because saying "Hi, (teacher)," just doesn't sound right. I don't understand why, though, because it sounds fine when they use my name. Hmm.
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"With one good trait there is usually the sacrifice of another."
At both my current job and my last job, I have coworkers that I have absolutely no clue what their name is. I don't bother to ask people what their names are. When I used to work in retail, I would never refer to the regular customers by name (even if I knew it). They would come in and say "hi, eeyore19!" and I would reply with a simple "hi" back, or maybe even "hi, how are you?" One woman got a little bent out of shape that I never called her by name. She came in one day and said "you know what I need...a name!! ! It's _____!! ! (She told me her name, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was....oh well.....)
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You're way too intelligent for my sarcasm.
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