ways of coping with your depression and building self esteem

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^^^the way to go about it is to be kind to people, and if they take it wrong, it doesn't detract from the fact that you at least tried to be kind.

I’m tired all the time. The coping mechanisms that I developed as a bullied and undiagnosed child — from learning to mimic the behaviors of people who are more naturally likable than me to holding entire conversations where I reveal nothing about myself for fear of being too enthusiastic, too annoying, too overbearing, or simply too much — are not great for managing a remotely healthy life or building self-esteem. The effort it takes to fit in is increasingly exhausting as I get older.

Nothing tears your self esteem down like being almost 30, still living with your mother, and not being allowed to do any of the things you want to do because she thinks she can run yoir life for you.

Yep....that can be hard.

I sort of feel this way with my wife. She tries hard to fulfill what she sees as being her "obligations." In turn, she expects me to fulfill my "obligations."

When I'm experiencing a depressive episode, I don't resist it (as if I could), but I don't indulge in it (like continually pushing against a sore tooth with your tongue), either. To the best of my ability, I simply let it be, and not feed any energy at all into it.
I try where possible to limit stressors.
I try to get enough sleep and more exercise.
I meditate.
I try to get more quiet time, preferably out in the woods.
I limit my exposure to news, disturbing TV, sad music and toxic people.
I get up, shower, shave, dress, and pretend as much as possible to be normal.
I try to get out of my self and do something. There's a story of a student who was terribly discouraged, who went to his teacher for advice. His teacher replied, "encourage others".

"Just practice good, do good for others, without thinking of making yourself known so that you may gain reward. Really bring benefit to others, gaining nothing for yourself. This is the primary requisite for breaking free of attachments to the Self."
Eihei Dogen zengi

This generally works well for me; YMMV.

When you are Autistic you will struggle to maintain eye contact or avoid eye contact, can not read body language, rarely smile, expressionless face, talk in a monotone voice, rarely talk and social anxiety. I did not bother interacting with people and avoided social situations because I find them difficult, frustrating and annoying. I have been posting online for 20 years now and wishing if only my life was different and I was born into a rich family and I would have therapy at a young age that would have helped me to gain employment and cope with social situations.

I'm 30 and my dad who ran away from any responsibilities when I was four told me off tonight.

He's schizophrenic/autistic and I always look after him not the right way around.

He said 'you're too old to be a rebellious teenager and too young for a midlife crisis so stop it'

Um well so was he at 26 when he ran off and left the country and never paid mum any maintenance. Every time he met me, she planned out a list of fun things to do together and he had a heated row with a waiter in a café. Every single time. From 6 til 24 when I ditched him as anything other than someone to text. In my teens and 20s I was always apologising for him to the poor waiter who only asked if our food was ok or if he could bring us something more to eat.

All I was tempted to do was troll, not bullying trolling just was tempted to post on the WP 'fun things you did as a kid': 'became a terrorist, had lots of sex, killed someone and took drugs' just to see people's reactions. I didn't because 1 it's a sick joke and 2 it's an autism forum so someone might not get it's a joke. But I did put something dangerous I used to do which is funny. I used to go skating with my friend on the school playground and we deliberately sought out black ice and sometimes we fell over but it was so much fun.

I know he's ill but he knew it when he fathered me and he should have known that he wasn't cut out for fatherhood.

I lived with mum til this year, I'm 30. I'll always live in a house she paid for (except I paid rent at the average amount since I was 25 and I'll continue to do that forever unless my bank account empties) and now I live in a cabin in her garden.

Just (if you can) pay rent, express gratitude, and do your chores esp stuff kids would do like tidying your room but occasionally do things (if you can) like the laundry or taking the bins out etc. Even cooking which is something I find impossible because of my dyspraxia and fears. If you have the ability to, at least prepare your own meals. (I do this but they're sometimes really unhealthy like Pot Noodle).

Definitely gather support. Nobody should have to share the weight on their own.

Therapy and medication for me. Or just sleep it away.

I think it would be easier to come back from physical adversity (Denis Istomin) if you have the mental resources and people in your life who support you and don't take no for an answer. Had Denis' mother overprotected him, and treated him as disabled following his car accident, he would have died in a Tashkent hospital or faced a lifetime of disability in a bleak hospital in Uzbekistan or Russia.

His story should be a lesson to parents. Don't overprotect your child with a difference or disability. That teaches "learned helplessness" and "hopelessness by neglect."

how?

write a tutorial!

I could! Tell me if this first section would set the right tone for it.

Section 1 - It takes work ...

Bridge statements. If you can't force yourself to be positive, can you meet yourself half way.

"The person who spoke most cruelly to her was her. She decided she would start speaking kindly to herself, replacing any negative words with positive ones. She would choose language that supported, nurtured, motivated and, as often as she could, make her smile. That’s how you treat someone you love." - Kathy Kinney

But what if everything negative is true, things you cannot change, or tried to change and absolutely cannot change?
Why would I replace those thoughts and lie to myself?

Most people who said negative things were right factually and/or right by their worldview. It was honest.


Those are the statements that play again and again in my brain, incessantly, in the same way in which they were said, and affirmations/CBT/etc, never takes them away.

Those are like axes (prematurely) hacking away at the 'giant beanstalk' that Jack in the Beanstalk was on,...so he can fall and die easily.

instead of waiting for him to scoot down to safe ground first, and then hacking at the beanstalk.


So the only reason to stop those knives/axes is for survival.

But why would one want to survive, when one has to lie to oneself to do so?

What the worldview is, by that standard I SHOULD be depressed/self hating/etc.

The majority's worldview. The sane people's worldview. The successful people's worldview. ETC

Shortfatuglybaldman (i think those adjectives are in the correct order for the username),
said something about his Mr Redelings(spelling?)

that 'the statement was correct, the implication was wrong.'

Now that's probably the case with most ASD Negative/depressed thinkers/self-haters.
The statement = correct.
Implication = wrong

But if implication is wrong, what is the correct implication?

And how come it doesn't fit in with the way other people see you, nor how the world works?

beats the burlap outta me.