ways of coping with your depression and building self esteem

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blooiejagwa
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02 Jan 2020, 12:44 am

auntblabby wrote:
beats the burlap outta me. :shrug:


that's a great expression.


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auntblabby
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02 Jan 2020, 1:00 am

blooiejagwa wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
beats the burlap outta me. :shrug:


that's a great expression.

thank you :) on puritanical amuuurican tv/radio/print we ain't allowed swears so instead of saying "beats the $#!+ outta me" we use euphemisms like "beats the burlap outta me" instead.



blooiejagwa
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02 Jan 2020, 1:05 am

auntblabby wrote:
blooiejagwa wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
beats the burlap outta me. :shrug:


that's a great expression.

thank you :) on puritanical amuuurican tv/radio/print we ain't allowed swears so instead of saying "beats the $#!+ outta me" we use euphemisms like "beats the burlap outta me" instead.


where does one access such fine media? I see the other kind more often than not.


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auntblabby
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02 Jan 2020, 1:06 am

blooiejagwa wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
blooiejagwa wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
beats the burlap outta me. :shrug:


that's a great expression.

thank you :) on puritanical amuuurican tv/radio/print we ain't allowed swears so instead of saying "beats the $#!+ outta me" we use euphemisms like "beats the burlap outta me" instead.


where does one access such fine media? I see the other kind more often than not.

i guess you'd have to be in amuuurica to see or hear or read it.



blooiejagwa
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02 Jan 2020, 1:12 am

auntblabby wrote:
blooiejagwa wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
blooiejagwa wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
beats the burlap outta me. :shrug:


that's a great expression.

thank you :) on puritanical amuuurican tv/radio/print we ain't allowed swears so instead of saying "beats the $#!+ outta me" we use euphemisms like "beats the burlap outta me" instead.


where does one access such fine media? I see the other kind more often than not.

i guess you'd have to be in amuuurica to see or hear or read it.


I want to live there for many reasons. You added to it.
My dad told me that my mom's cousin's house (I am named after her) that she recently bought has
1. tennis court
2. swimming pool
3. big yard
4. beautiful interiors
5. large
6. Brand new

And it was the same price as the place I'm living which is
1. 8 yr old property at time i got it
2. very very small, more an apartment than a house
3. inconvenient stairs.
4. no yard.
5. had issues with everything (plumbing, mould, roaches, A/C installed upside down, etc) that needed 1000s to fix when i moved in.

some issues ongoing (e.g. ceiling not fixed, bathtub not fixed only shower, no curtains, anyone can see inside, etc)

it cost the same as that dream property my mom's cousin and her family bought, in America.


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auntblabby
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02 Jan 2020, 1:14 am

blooiejagwa wrote:
it cost the same as that dream property my mom's cousin and her family bought, in America.

if you don't mind, what is your home country?



blooiejagwa
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02 Jan 2020, 1:57 am

auntblabby wrote:
blooiejagwa wrote:
it cost the same as that dream property my mom's cousin and her family bought, in America.

if you don't mind, what is your home country?


Where I live currently, where the (bad) property is? Canada. But everything is expensive, you can't rent, I was trying it but it was costing way more to rent than mortgage.


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auntblabby
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02 Jan 2020, 2:05 am

blooiejagwa wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
blooiejagwa wrote:
it cost the same as that dream property my mom's cousin and her family bought, in America.

if you don't mind, what is your home country?


Where I live currently, where the (bad) property is? Canada. But everything is expensive, you can't rent, I was trying it but it was costing way more to rent than mortgage.

if you don't mind living out in the middle of nowhere and have to drive an hour or more to get anyplace, there are still real estate bargains to be had here in the land of the wageslave, home of the unfree. my tin can, for example, on 1/3 acre surrounded by tall trees, has a present market value of about $35k at best. i still would rather live in canada.



blooiejagwa
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02 Jan 2020, 9:49 pm

Sorry that you have that opinion of the place but it's probably better than here in some ways.


At least there if someone is evil/mean they just say it. It's not in their secret hearts, behind closed doors. They just say it (it seems).

That makes it easy to keep one's guard up.

Here people can pretend and act like they care, and backstab. Slander. Cheat you. Etc.
Not everyone, but the ones who do just do it so well I guess, that they don't get in trouble.

That's the main reason my dad left his job at Proctor and Gamble which could have made him a millionaire here to move so far away back to Middle East, as he was really depressed with the backstabbing and lying he kept seeing at work.

He saw that at his current workplace too

(a girl made very serious false accusations about a man, which could have ruined his life, but the facts were against her since he wasn't anywhere near the place she was, and he was at home with new baby etc. She did the same with other people too, and again, the facts showed that her story couldn't possibly have been true.
So she got fired).

But maybe it's less there?
Or maybe such people get consequences quickly?
Or maybe they are not sneaky enough, so they can get caught easily?

And then when he sent us all back here, he refused to come himself,
even though he got job offers that were better than his current job.

the issue is the area as well (schools, hospital, kid's doctor, proximity to dad's home, etc). that is priceless.
and my L told me that i can't move anywhere and have to stay in this city because i can lose custody if I move.

i don't know whether he was lying or not, actually, since if someone lies once to me, and never makes up for it even by telling the truth or admitting to it, or keeps lying later, I doubt everything else they ever said.

That is irrelevant to the topic.
maybe where one lives pertains to depression. My depression has overall been constant regardless of the place.


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auntblabby
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02 Jan 2020, 9:53 pm

^^^NOT less here, just as common. we jail a higher number of people, than the next 10 western nations combined, and in fact jail a higher % of our own citizens than any other nation on earth - because we are just a bunch of mean cusses. and if i were you i would have sought a 2nd legal opinion regarding change of domicile and custody.



blooiejagwa
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02 Jan 2020, 10:02 pm

I did. The lady I have now (she's probably the same age as me or younger but very intelligent and actually she makes youtube videos to explain aspects of law....) told me it would be a very difficult case . Unlike my ex L she actually stated the actual laws and explained the points, etc.
He was just like ,'no. my last client moved against my advice, and lost custody.' and nothing else.

So she said there have been exceptions. With me she can still make a case due to kids' needs and me being isolated from any kind of support network, etc, she said it can still happen even though I don't fulfill 1 point in the criteria, she explained what points can make up for that, and how other people did it in the past (she even cited the cases as she spoke, without a pause, she said the names, the dates, everything. even though i just asked her on the spot when i met her)

But I don't want to go to court.

That's the opposite of coping with depression. It just adds to the bad things. I don't know how anyone can work in that field and not become a drug or alcohol addict, to cope. I know I would.
Thanks for brainstorming for me, though. It was unnecessary and kind.


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09 Jan 2020, 8:49 am

Pertaining to depression, I have double depression. I know what I should do but am so worn out, tired and depressed that it's taking a toll./


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auntblabby
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10 Jan 2020, 3:05 am

forcing myself do stuff with major opposition from my brain and body, because, as joan baez said, "ACTION is the antidote to despair."



pyrrhicwren
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02 Feb 2020, 11:51 pm

auntblabby wrote:
forcing myself do stuff with major opposition from my brain and body, because, as joan baez said, "ACTION is the antidote to despair."


^ that's deep


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auntblabby
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03 Feb 2020, 12:16 am

pyrrhicwren wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
forcing myself do stuff with major opposition from my brain and body, because, as joan baez said, "ACTION is the antidote to despair."


^ that's deep

learned it in the army, when i had some unpleasant task or situation i had to get through to the end of, the only internal motivation [external motivation was avoiding court-martial] was just to shout "PHUQIT!!" and jump into the pool, so to speak. cussing has been scientifically proven to help a person tough out tough stuff for longer, than not cussing. so learn to cuss, the army taught me plenty about that.



DoniiMann
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17 Apr 2020, 5:24 pm

Two big causes of depression are feelings of helplessness/lack of control and isolation. They're probably both tied to hundreds of thousands of years of evolution wherein being cut off from your tribe or circumstances being beyond your control would both result in death. Now such things are unlikely to result in death, but we get that uneasy feeling (aka depression).

I suspect engaging in clubs that tackled both those issues would be appropriate. Maybe a martial arts club or a fix-it/makers club would help. They would help with the socialising aspect and giving you a sense of control or personal power over life.


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