How to apologize?

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just been reading a post about apologising - how it's difficult to do it when you know you're right.

i just say "i'm sorry if you're upset/you don't agree/you feel like that", which means i'm not sorry for what i said, and i stand by it, but i am sorry if it's caused dissonance.

works for me.

V.

I have used those lines, but they tend to make people more upset. They think you are not truly sorry (and that is, actually, the truth).

I have a problem with apologizing on an alomost constant basis. The social interactions have been so abyssmal that I am in a constant state of anxiety, of someone getting mad at me or maybe wanting to hit or yell at me. So I say that I'm sorry if someone looks peeved and I have to get in their way or ask them a question, if I ask a question with an obvious (to them) answer, if I walk in front of them in a crowded area, if I sneeze or cough, if I make a mistake, if they make a mistake, if there is a misunderstanding, the list goes on..... I have received a good deal of teasing for always being sorry and apologetic.

What is odd is that I'm not, at heart, that submissive. I don't actually give a rip what people think of me most of the time. I simply cannot deal with the social uproars and scenes and awkwardness and having been abused, I am also always leery of possible violence or nastiness.

If all else fails, totally flip-out and kick everyone's collective ass with a fork or something.

...In fact why wait until all else fails, try that option first!

lol.

not the apologising kind then, sanity?

V

I do this, as well. I am always worried people might be mad or irritated with me, so I constantly apologize or excuse myself.

I also say "sorry" when I don't know what to say, like when someone relates a story in which something bad or annoying happened, and I don't really have any response to it. For example, yesterday my friend told me about a bad shopping trip she had over the summer. I had no experience with which to relate it, and didn't have anything to comment on, so I just said "I'm sorry." Then she joked that it "Must have been all my fault, and what was I thinking?"

So yes, I have a similar problem. But it's not so bad.

I tend to apologise in advance before letting rip...

Apologies are for people I like/need to avoid offending. Given the frequency with which I offend people, I only usually apologise if it was blatant (or disproportionately stroppy), otherwise just think b0ll@cks to it...

dunc

I always do that when I admit my mistakes, but it is hard for me to do that in the first place. When people are angry at me, they use a firm tone of voice. Sometimes, people get so angry with me that I don't even know what to say. I need to admit my own mistakes, and at times, I apologize instead.

I say I am sorry mostly when I am not sure what I have said or done wrong or if its just a humble mistake, but when I do know then I apologize with a statement if I feel they would listen.

Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 22 Feb 2005, 6:04 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Of course, you think you're right; but there's a chance your actions were offensive in others' eyes. Try overcoming the theory of mind issues and seeing whether they have a legitimate reason to be upset at you. Apologize for lacking the foresight not to cause their grievance. If they really are in the wrong, don't rub it in. If you value this person's friendship at all or have to get along with them well enough at work or something, say something like, "I know I've offended you, and I'm sorry we don't see eye to eye."

Loop

Whoa, old topic is old. I recognize all the names for once, HAHA. I don't apologize often, when I do it's a bad one. I don't really regret things.

That's also what I do.

Before I say something I sometimes say..."Sorry if this offends you, but..."
as I sometimes don't know if what i'm going to say is going to cause someone to get mad, or sad, or in general think i'm rude.

That sentence has become my savior from a lot of awkward situations.

I'm constantly saying 'sorry' at the smallest things. I hate it when someone asks me what I'm apologising for, when it was because I knocked their hand slightly or something, because I know my explanation sounds silly.

And the number of times I've apologised to a table leg, thinking it's someone's foot I've kicked

I always apologise in a situation that I know that I am wrong in, however when I know for a fact that I am right in something, I don't back down. Sometimes I think it's my pride that keeps me from apologising in those situations.

i can totally relate

This is true (in my experience).