I'm feeling hopeless right about now

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Right now, I'm just miserable. Everything is going wrong. And I know a lot of it is my fault, and that changing my approach to life would make those things better. But at the same time, changing those things would also cause frustration for me. It's like I just can't win - like this world just wasn't made for me and I'm destined to have a miserable life. Wrong planet, indeed.

Want to know what's stressing me out? First off, school. I just can't seem to get myself to be bothered with my schoolwork this semester. It just frustrates me to no end and I have no motivation at all. It's not that I don't care how I do, it's just that I dread the thought of doing the work too much.

Secondly, relationships. I know that I'm ruining potential friendships and romantic relationships, as well as family relationships, by being clingy, needy, emotional, and insecure, not to mention socially awkward. I know that I need to make myself stronger and more confident. But at the same time, part of me feels like this is just who I am, and that I'll only be putting up a front if I try to be stronger and more confident. I'll just be bottling everything up inside and I'll be ready to explode.

Finally, there's my health. I am obese, and I have high blood pressure, cramps, and heartburn. I get tired easily, and I show signs of asthma ocasionally. I've dislocated my left knee, and I've sprained my ankles several times. I know all of this is because the unhealthy lifestyle I've been leading, between my poor eating habits and lack of exercise. But at the same time, I can't bear the thought of changing my lifestyle to do something about this - restricting my diet to relatively small amounts of bland food, and spending time doing exercises that are boring and often painful and/or exhausting to me.

So, the bottom line is, my life is a lose-lose situation right now. Please note that I am not contemplating suicide, as I don't believe in it, and I'm also terrified of death. But it just doesn't seem like I'll be happy and successful no matter what I do.

I know how you feel dude. I often beat myself up over bad habits towards life, especially stuff like work habits and my social relationships. Something incredible I'm learning, (and yes I know this is something you've heard before, and something that probably sounds terribly flaky and cheesy) is to THINK POSITIVE. I know it doesn't sound like it'll help, and sometimes its terribly hard, especially when there is no reason to, but when i reporgram myself to view my situation differently, I find I just accomplish more. I don't know why that is, it just kinda happens.

I'm not sure if that helps, but give it a try. And the more the world brings you down, the more positive you just have to try and think.

Thanks Davius. And yes, I'm aware that that's part of my problem as well - that I'm just too negative and let little things bring me down way too much. For a while, I actually was being successful in thinking more positive and was happier as a result, but I guess right now I just feel like I have nothing going for me. But at least you've got me thinking now.

Can you withdraw from classes? You could do that instead of failing. Of course, I am sure that you paid good money for your classes and doing that might not be an option.

Is the fear of failing enough motivation? That is what keeps me going at school. I am terrified of failing.

Another possiblity is to write a schedule for when you study and do homework. Don't let yourself break that schedule. During those study times don't allow yourself to do anything else. Even if you just sit there for a few hours feeling no motivation to do your work, eventually that could make a difference. You will most likely get bored and start doing the work.



I do not have enough experience in these matters to give you any sound advice, unfortunately. To keep yourself from being too clingy or needy, when you are in a social situation, try to feel when you start getting that way. Tell yourself to stop.



I suggest you see a doctor. Whether or not something is painful or exhausting, this is for the sake of your health. Obesity can kill you. Also, there are ways of changing lifestyles that aren't too drastic. Because of your knee and anke problems as well as your asthma, I cannot advise you to exercise as I don't know how that will affect you. Remember: If you don't have your health, you don't have anything. Please see a doctor.

Miki I certainly know what you are going through right now. I went through the same thing when I was young. I wish I could make you feel better. I only know, for sure, things will get better. It's just really difficult now to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

You have youth and I wish I could convince you to celebrate that , just that, right now. If I had my youth back, I would live life very differently. You are so blessed......I wish you could see it.

I already withdrew from one of them, but there's another one giving me trouble now. It's too late to withdraw now, plus it's towards my major.



Unfortunately, it isn't right now.



Been there, done that. None of it works for me. I always break schedules, and sitting for a few hours feeling no motivation just makes me less motivated and more exhausted.



But why do I have to? Do those really have to be bad things? There has to be someone out there who can appreciate me for who I am.



But see...that's the thing. I just don't have the drive to make these changes, and that itself is part of the problem. I just feel like my life will not be enjoyable either way. I just feel like I have nothing to live for. I'll be miserable if I'm doing the wrong things because it will cause everything to go wrong, and I'll be miserable if I'm doing the right things because I won't be enjoying doing those things.

That said, I suppose you're right. I guess I do need to change. But I just don't know how or where to start. I may very well see a doctor though.

Hello Mike,

One thing you should know is that you are at one of the most difficult times in one's life as far as understanding who and what you are as a person. College is stressful enough with the pressure to do well in your studies but you are also facing a highly social atmosphere where success is often seen as being popular and part of a group.

Hmm, sounds kind of like junior high? Yeah, and high school, and all the artificial social structures that are created along the way. You may see yourself in a trap that you can't get out of...but that's not the case. Being an individual who is a bit different is not a bad thing. What is bothering you is that you don't like where you are now. Well, you can change if you want to and you won't necessarily be unfaithful to your "real self" since you actually don't know what that is anyway. If you can recognize why you are not happy (and you do) you have half the battle won.

The advice to see a doctor is a good idea. You are enduring a form of depression that may be alleviated by a change in your habits and/or perhaps mild medication.
Don't assume that losing weight involves only bland food and small portions that will make you miserable. There are many ways to make low-calorie food very tasty and very filling (I speak from experience). You may find once you lose a few pounds that your mental state will improve. You will move better, your friends will comment on how good you look, you'll have more energy, you'll be able to focus on your studies and your music will have a new meaning. (I think your dislike for country music is that it often seems to have a depressing theme. Yes, I checked out your website. You know the old joke about playing a country music record backward... your wife returns, your dog comes home, the repossessors bring back your truck, and so on. )

BTW, I live in NJ and know how competitive the Rutgers scene can be. As to your courses, you might want to talk to your profs and see if one or more may give you a break and let you take an incomplete which you can make up later. This may be more possible if you can get a doctor to sign on to your condition and follow through with your treatment. I did that once when I was ill in grad school and it made all the difference in finishing my classes and not losing any funds.

One thing I recommend if you are going to make any major changes in your lifestyle is to somehow change your living environment. By that all I mean is to do something as simple as moving your furniture around. That will be a signal to you each day that you are entering a new phase in your life and the old habits are gone.

If you still think it is an unsurmountable task, just think backwards to about 6 months ago...suppose you had started to make changes then...imagine how far you would be by now.

Well, 6 months from today you can be there.