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NeantHumain
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04 Nov 2005, 11:00 pm

I'm not really very good at back-and-forth conversations with people and am even worse with groups of people. I have a lot of trouble finding things to say to keep a conversation going. I know people have trouble "reading" me and figuring out what I like, dislike, etc. I have trouble understanding them, too. Bascially, no matter what a person is interested in, believes in, etc., I have trouble establishing a rapport with them. People probably find my conversations very forced and boring.

People don't actively hate me usually, but they do just pass me off, I think. By this I mean they probably think I'm nice or a little shy or something, but they just find talking to me very much unrewarding. So they simply don't actively seek me out as a friend or remember me when they're planning to do something. By passing me off, I mean they probably think I'm nice and someone else would probably think of me as a nice friend. Always someone else. Yeah, and when everyone else just assumes somebody else will befriend me, no one actually does.

Generally, people talk to me out of pity; that's probably one of the most common reasons. Of course, people rarely initiate conversation with me, so I have to start things if I ever want to get anywhere at all socially. I consider it a success when such a conversation lasts at least ten minutes, I haven't offended or disgusted them greatly, and they'd like to talk to me again. Of course, for most other people, this comes naturally.

Sometimes I see women who appear interested in me. So I strike up a conversation with them. Unfortunately, they eventually lose interest. Some of them even go out of their way to avoid talking to me at all by, for example, speeding up when I start talking to them or answering very briefly. I find it much easier to talk to women than men.



Sarcastic_Name
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04 Nov 2005, 11:13 pm

Wow, you still haven't figured out how to not offend people? This is one of those aspects of AS that I'm actually fairly decent at. Don't be blunt with poeple if there's any chance it can be offensive. Umm...OH!...women really do make better conversation, they're much more willing to stick it out and don't talk about "manly" things. But in the right group, a "manly" talk can get pretty funny. It just seems that your problem is not knowing what to say and what not to do. Hmm...First of all, quit looking at it negatively. With a positive attitude, conversations do seem to flow better for me and I'm more talkative. Find an attractive part of your personality, and learn how to fine tune it so you can at least be good at something. For me, it's my humor. You've always been good at satire and sarcasm, find a way to convey that IRL. Most of the conversations I have are give and take. Peson 1 sends message to person 2. Person 2 thinks of a response that would leave person 1 inclined to respond back in the same manner. Once you get it all, it takes practice to really sink in. As for intiating a conversation, I can't quite put into words because I'm still in the process of figuring that out.


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Sarcastic_Name
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04 Nov 2005, 11:14 pm

Oh, and people don't pass me off very often; if at all.


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mikibacsi1124
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04 Nov 2005, 11:23 pm

Neant_Humain, that pretty much sums up what happens with me perfectly.

And to Sarcastic_Name: I can't speak for Neant_Humain, but I can say that I'm pretty sure people don't treat me this way because I'm too blunt. Because usually, if anything, I'm not blunt enough.



Sarcastic_Name
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04 Nov 2005, 11:29 pm

mikibacsi1124 wrote:
And to Sarcastic_Name: I can't speak for Neant_Humain, but I can say that I'm pretty sure people don't treat me this way because I'm too blunt. Because usually, if anything, I'm not blunt enough.


If you've met one aspie... :P I try to avoid situations where my blunt-ness would destroy me, there's lots of it to go around.


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NeantHumain
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04 Nov 2005, 11:47 pm

Sarcastic_Name wrote:
Wow, you still haven't figured out how to not offend people? This is one of those aspects of AS that I'm actually fairly decent at. Don't be blunt with poeple if there's any chance it can be offensive. Umm...OH!...women really do make better conversation, they're much more willing to stick it out and don't talk about "manly" things. But in the right group, a "manly" talk can get pretty funny. It just seems that your problem is not knowing what to say and what not to do. Hmm...First of all, quit looking at it negatively. With a positive attitude, conversations do seem to flow better for me and I'm more talkative. Find an attractive part of your personality, and learn how to fine tune it so you can at least be good at something. For me, it's my humor. You've always been good at satire and sarcasm, find a way to convey that IRL. Most of the conversations I have are give and take. Peson 1 sends message to person 2. Person 2 thinks of a response that would leave person 1 inclined to respond back in the same manner. Once you get it all, it takes practice to really sink in. As for intiating a conversation, I can't quite put into words because I'm still in the process of figuring that out.

I try to keep myself from being nervous and keep myself feeling confident and positive. I do this before I approach someone; I smile and everything. Somehow, it still messes up. I usually don't offend people; often I'm a little too "diplomatic," but sometimes I do randomly say something offensive despite my usual way of going about things.