anyone ever get misunderstood in what you are doing

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Josie
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21 Jul 2008, 12:35 am

Yes, it happens to me quite often..

People will ask me to repeat myself.

They think I have had said something different than what I said. Sometimes my own family can't understand me or my best friends. They know me well too.



Malsane
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21 Jul 2008, 12:40 am

I don't know how people can misunderstand me. I say exactly what I mean, and am always ready and willing to clarify. People read into what I say or do, and get a totally wrong impression. If people would just say what they mean, we wouldn't have so many problems.



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21 Jul 2008, 3:09 am

People often misunderstand what I say because my words are clipped and to the point. One word answers are common for me.

In what I do, people assume I know what I'm doing when I actually do not. This is a problem for me, because I don't like to ask "hey, how do you do this" or whatever. Case in point, I developed 2 moves in HS wrestling, and mastered none of the others. Simple moves were a challenge to me, unless I "got" them right away. This is impossible to work with in college, but in HS I did exceptionally well until CIF championship where I was seperated with the rest of the chaff...


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Foringinn
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21 Jul 2008, 9:36 am

I once lost contact with some of my friends for few weeks becouse I met one of them in the store I work in.
I said "What are you doing here?" meaning "What are you doing here?". She took it as "Get out!! !" went and told her friends I was mean too her. Few weeks later I finaly mett a friend who had been avoiding[?] me and she explaind to me. It was funny in retrospect but not wile it happend.



Bradleigh
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21 Jul 2008, 9:40 am

I guess it can be hard sometimes to just ask a question, often have to filter my words to see what I say will be taken how I mean it, otherwise I just try to say things in a tone so it is like I am jokeing.


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DJRnold
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21 Jul 2008, 10:49 am

Liopleurodon wrote:
I get that a lot: people think I'm staring at them but actually I'm shut away inside my own head, not looking at anything at all. I find it the strangest thing that NTs always seem to be looking *at* something. Most of the time I'm paying no attention to anything I can see.
Me too, and you described it perfectly.



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21 Jul 2008, 11:18 am

jamieg wrote:
it does get really annoying when people tell you they think you are doing something that you are not


Most Aspies I know take a long time to figure out that they don't have empathy and can't predict other's actions. I have never met an NT who didn't think they had empathy for an Aspie. I am constantly hearing incorrect analysis of my motivations. I like to think of it is an advantage. It means no one really knows what you are thinking.

On another note since this seems to be about where you are looking what is a safe place to look. In the case of the "looking in the eyes" thing noses seem to be safe to look at. You can stare at a nose and still concentrate on the conversation. So where do you look in idle mode so as not to disturb fragile NT sensibilities?

ttyl



Bradleigh
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21 Jul 2008, 11:38 am

I have tried looking in the eyes but can't the best I can do is fleeting glances but often I can not keep on there faces, I can not even pretend to not be looking at them by looking behind them if they are looking at me.


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Amik
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21 Jul 2008, 6:26 pm

People misunderstand me all the time.

The worst misunderstandings are when I want to do something nice for people and don't realized that they might see it differently and not appreciated it. People have become upset or angry at me when my intentions were good. Many times I have put a lot of effort into doing something special for people, with the intentions of either helping them or just to making them happy with a nice, special surprise, and then I've ended up being yelled at or scolded for it. I'm not always good at predicting people's reactions and I get really upset when things blow up in my face like that and both they and I end up unhappy with the results when all I wanted to do was to make someone happy.



Greentea
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24 Jul 2008, 1:47 pm

That's why I stopped doing nice things for people.


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Warsie
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24 Jul 2008, 3:13 pm

nomad21 wrote:
I have that same "staring" issue, where I drift off, and it looks like I'm staring at someone.


seems to be something a lot of people have. I probably did it in the past.


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24 Jul 2008, 11:28 pm

nomad21 wrote:
I have that same "staring" issue, where I drift off, and it looks like I'm staring at someone.


I've had that happen too. I remember eating lunch in the cafeteria back in high school and staring off into space when I was distracted by some movement. It was a girl across the room from me gesturing hostilely and glaring at me. I wasn't even aware she was there until she started doing that. :oops: I don't understand why NTs get so threatened by someone staring at them. :? I've even seen fights started with the words "What are you looking at?!" 8O

I'm often misunderstood by NTs. My supervisor and I have to send about a dozen emails back and forth to get on the same page whenever she makes a change in policy. :lol: Fortunately, we both know that we don't communicate the same way and are willing to make the effort to understand each other. Unfortunately, her boss (and mine) not only misunderstands everything I say, but also refuses to even listen to my explanation and punishes me for the misunderstanding. :x :cry: My only recourse is to avoid her whenever possible and say very little when she's around. :(


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25 Jul 2008, 3:04 am

CelticRose, you explain yourself very clearly, though...

And welcome to WP!


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Kaleido
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25 Jul 2008, 3:08 am

jamieg wrote:
it does get really annoying when people tell you they think you are doing something that you are not

I agree.

I get completely fed up with people who think they know why I did this, that or anything else. They even seem to think they know what I am thinking but when they tell you, its nearly always wrong, and people say we live in a fantasy world! :?



Greentea
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25 Jul 2008, 3:15 am

Ditto.

Nowadays I don't even waste myself arguing anymore. I let them think whatever, then reality shows them the hard way that they'd been wrong about me all along and they learn not to make so many assumptions about me so easily.


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Ishmael
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25 Jul 2008, 7:52 am

Yeah, but it get's even worse when there're kids or young women around... let's face it; there are some things nobody wants to be accused of, and with the level of suspicion in this age... regardless of innocence on your part; you only drift off - people are always quick to jump to conclusions if they know nothing else...