Male Friendships: Aspies and NTs (guys only, please)

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Hi. I've been thinking a lot about friendships lately and their challenges. I'm interested in the female perspective on friendships, too, but I'd like to focus this thread on the male experience, if it's acceptable to do that.

I have several good male friends, all of whom I would put in the category of "best" friends. They're honest guys who share my interests and activities and we've been supportive to one another over the years. As far as I know, all of them are NTs except for one.

My newest buddy is a fellow Aspie. He's a great guy and we've become fast friends since he and I met at the end of August 2007. We sometimes talk and joke about our autistic traits and share the wish to use those traits as assets--personal qualities that work to our advantage. Probably because of other experiences in my life, rather than autism, I have a lot of difficulties trusting people (even though I have been rather gullible and too trusting at times). Nevertheless, I trust this friend with anything; he's honest and we've been able to communicate in a very straightforward manner.

I'm happy with my NT friends, too. They're really good guys and I value them and it's good to be just "one of the guys" with them.

This may be a silly or naive topic, but I'll force myself to risk it anyway. I don't see any difference between them as friends, whether Aspie or NT. They are all just good friends who enrich my life.

My NT friends tolerate my personal quirks and obsessions pretty well. My Aspie friend and I set good boundaries with one another and are very direct in our communications with one another, so as to avoid annoyance or offense.

What are your friendships with other men like? Are they similar to what I have talked about here? Have you notice being closer or less close with NT friends than with Aspie friends?

I'm still learning a lot about even the basics of autism, and exploring friendships is important to me right now. It would be great to know your thoughts about this topic. Thanks!

I've had a few NT friends over the years. For the most part, we got along ok. Have grown apart from them over the years. Actually got to meet up with one of them a couple weeks ago, and for a lark, brought up AS. He basically told me there's no way I could be AS...I let it slide, but it did amuse me...

I'm an Aspie male and I generally don't feel like I have enough in common with most NT males to build friendships.

I think it's great that you found it amusing. The Aspie friend I mentioned and I joke about AS. While we're both operating in a lot of similar ways--and it's definitely a day-to-day challenge to deal with some of this stuff--there are occasionally things that are very funny and tickle my funny bones. For example, this friend and I were out at dinner last night with his dad (who is visiting from out of town). I made a rather stupid comment that my buddy could have taken offensively, but didn't. He grinned and said, "Ah, yes, another example of your fine Asperger's social skills!" While I was pretty embarrassed about what I had said, somehow, when he joked about it, I found it so funny that I nearly fell out of my chair laughing.

There is a lot of serious stuff with AS, but I am learning that maintaining a sense of humor really helps me deal with things. Thanks.

That's got to be tough, and I think I've experienced some of that, too. All of this is really new to me, so I sometimes wonder if I have been just fumbling along with a lot of coping mechanisms, as well as I have been able.

Here's what I struggle with. While I think I have plenty in common with my NT male friends, mainly just because we're all guys, I've always had the kind of weird sense that I am viewing the world in a very different way than the overwhelming majority of humans do. I don't know if that makes sense (or if it's at all similar to what you're describing about having things in common or not), but that's how I have seen things in my life.

My Aspie friend is a really good guy. He's a supportive and loyal friend. At the same time, I am reluctant to get very close as friends, just because I know how I can be with good friends. I need a fair amount of solitude and I sure don't want to intrude on others' solitude, including this friend's.

I am struggling with all this stuff. I am also beginning to look at ways to begin dating again and perhaps start looking for a wife. It would be great to find a nice woman and settle down. Without getting off the topic of this thread that I started, the social skills are a huge challenge all around!

Wow. I just realized that this thread would be more appropriate in the "Social Skills and Making Friends" forum. Is there any way I can move it? Sorry about that.

I've never had any Aspie friends (at least not people that I knew were Aspies).
I know one person who I know is an aspie, I knew another person who I found out was an aspie after he moved away, and I know one person who once said "my autism" and I'm sure he's either HFA or AS. They all dislike me, and I know why:
1) I speak loudly and I'm disruptive, which is especially annoying to anyone who is sensitive to noise and disruption (like many people with AS or Autism).
2) I correct people when they're incorrect, and I'm sure that would be especially annoying to an Aspie who thinks that they're correct...
3) I often argue with opinions that I don't agree with. If I'm disagreeing with an Aspie, the debate will probably go on forever (unless I stop arguing).
4) I often find myself interrupting people, and that would really bug an Aspie. It really bugs me...Uh-oh, I'm a hippocrite!
5) I'm sure there are other reasons...