Disadvantages of Being an Attractive Female (kinda ranty)

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release_the_bats
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24 Jul 2008, 7:57 pm

Attractive women are the envy of many, and it does have numerous advantages, but there are also disadvantages that go unacknowledged. I have a pretty good perspective on this because I was an "ugly duckling" who suddenly became attractive at the age of 22 when my acne went away along with my cheek fat ("baby face").

When I'm with my boyfriend, I enjoy being attractive, but I am REALLY sick of all the attention from random creepy, sleazy guys and other weird types attention you get when you happen to look good to people. This is an over-view of the stuff I've been learning to deal with over the past 7 years:

1. I'm a solitary sort of person and I dislike forced social interaction, especially with people who are behaving disrespectfully.

2. Sometimes a guy comes across as a nice person and potential friend, then tries to coerce me into sex or convince me to leave my boyfriend for him or cheat on my boyfriend with him or something along these lines. This is DISGUSTING to me.

3. Sometimes a guy will be a good, trust-worthy friend for a long time and then suddenly act in the above manner.

4. This really sucks because I generally relate to guys better than girls and hence have mostly make friends.

5. Many women like to be cruel to other women who they perceive as a threat due to their attractiveness.

6. In every job I've had, I've been sexually harassed by at least one man and / or harassed by at least one woman who is jealous of the way I happen to look.

7. I can't seem to make myself look ugly in order to avoid this unwanted attention; I don't wear make-up and I dress in a casual androgynous fashion, but that doesn't make a difference.

8. Sometimes guys will give me special treatment (like a secret discount at a store) because they find me attractive. Sometimes it's fairly harmless, but it really creeps me out when they act like they expect something in return.

9. Guys try to fight over me. This goes with the territory of being single, unfortunately, but it REALLY sucks when a guy tries to get me away from my boyfriend WHILE I am hanging out with him - that's just wrong. It stresses both of us out.

10. I usually have at least one stalker. This has been a consistent source of stress for me and any guy I have been with. I'm a calm, peaceful person. I like calm, peaceful guys. Neither my boyfriend nor I want to deal with fending off stalkers (unlike some guys, who get a thrill from such a thing). More importantly, stalkers are dangerous.

11. I've been stalked, harassed, taken advantage of, and put in extremely uncomfortable situations so many times, it's made me really paranoid. Paranoia = stress that I don't want, as a very laid-back peaceful type.

12. Some people assume I must have always had a very easy life, just because of the way I currently look!

13. Relatively normal, sane guys routinely seem to fall in love with me (despite my efforts to make it obvious that I'm not interested) and pursue me relentlessly in a creepy fashion - with love notes, songs, etc. Let me emphasize: these guys know that I have a boyfriend and am not interested. It's a lot like stalking, but it doesn't always fit that definition. It's often more like showering someone with unwanted displays of affection. And I'm a loner, and an aspie, so I don't like that kind of thing.

14. Friends, relatives, co-workers, and even random strangers will often say things to me like, "You must not know how beautiful you are. If you knew, you'd be dating a guy who made more money / was better-looking / was more well-connected socially / had a higher level of education" or whatever. I think it is none of their business that I am not superficial and therefore choose to seek out nice guys who share my interests, sense of humor and outlook on life, above all else, instead of going for some rich as*hole who just wants to throw money at me and use me as an accessory. But it's hard to explain this politely in a way that such a person could understand.

My point is that whether you're attractive, unattractive, or in-between, you have to deal with the stress of being among people who view everything in a superficial manner. I think that women, in particular, are often seen only for the way we look. It affects all of us, and it sucks. One more reason to be a recluse!



Fnord
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24 Jul 2008, 7:59 pm

^^ Welcome to Reality - Population: Everyone. ^^


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n4mwd
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24 Jul 2008, 8:04 pm

You're good looking, attractive, everyone likes you, you get picked for jobs over other people who are better qualified - AND you're complaining about it????

Want to trade?

Heck, all you need to do is tied your hair up in a bun and wear glasses. Nobody will ever give you the time of day.



SIXLUCY
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24 Jul 2008, 8:08 pm

I hate people lookin me up n down where ever I go.
Some women like it but I actually dont.
Its invasion of my personal privacy n sometimes I gives guys the most :x looks



silly_rabbi
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24 Jul 2008, 8:43 pm

I know (because I've asked) that I put off a continual "not interested vibe" unintentionally which gets guys interested, which makes me even less interested because I don't *want* that kind of attention...it's a vicious bloody cycle. And I've had guy "friends" that have turned out to be hangin around because they think that eventually I'll give in. So I know where you're coming from, and hell, I don't think I'm all that cute/sexy/mysterious...but apparently I give off those vibes? I don't know, I try to spend most of my time as a hermit.


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LiendaBalla
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24 Jul 2008, 9:29 pm

Oh I can agree with you some here. To interfere with you and your boyfriend is very stupid of them. Stalkers, and they don't even know you personaly? good grief. and.... In my oppinion, a boss who hires only for one's looks and not skill and experiance (which does make a difference to some extent!) isn't a very good boss.

Gee, men don't like me, so I don't know that feeling. Seeing so many turn their nose up hurts! It does! Some guys do look at my chest when I pass, and I don't mind. The only time random stranger flirted with me was when I was starving myself to the bone. What ever ugly they see in me, I don't know what it is for the life of me...



WaxDeejay
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24 Jul 2008, 10:09 pm

I wonder how many guy would agree with this statement:

++++++++++

Quote: "I have found there is an inverse relationship between inner and outer beauty"
Meaning: The prettier a girl is outside, the meaner and nastier they are inside...

++++++++++



Pobodys_Nerfect
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24 Jul 2008, 10:18 pm

I have this problem too release_the_bats. You need to be careful, jealous people will always be trying to split you and your bf up. The ones that aren't so obvious you have to be careful of. They say little things that are designed to make you think twice about your partner. You gotta keep the communication fully open with your bf.



traveller011212
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24 Jul 2008, 10:23 pm

WaxDeejay wrote:
I wonder how many guy would agree with this statement:

++++++++++

Quote: "I have found there is an inverse relationship between inner and outer beauty"
Meaning: The prettier a girl is outside, the meaner and nastier they are inside...

++++++++++


I STRONGLY disagree with the above statement. My experience shows that looks have little if any impact on a girls disposition.

I recently learned that Blonds actually are discriminated as "stupid", "ditsy" or "bit**y". That has not been my experience at all. :x



Pobodys_Nerfect
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24 Jul 2008, 10:30 pm

WaxDeejay wrote:
I wonder how many guy would agree with this statement:

++++++++++

Quote: "I have found there is an inverse relationship between inner and outer beauty"
Meaning: The prettier a girl is outside, the meaner and nastier they are inside...

++++++++++


I disagree. The ugly ones pretend to be nicer. The prettier ones just have hysteresis



Cyberman
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24 Jul 2008, 10:50 pm

This is why I never compliment a woman's looks unless she asks my opinion first.



slowmutant
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24 Jul 2008, 11:04 pm

Hmm. What are the advantages of being an ugly woman in this society? OP, complaining about your God-given beauty is kinda tacky. How many plain girls would kill to switch places with you? Many.



catspurr
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25 Jul 2008, 12:02 am

Can relate to catty women and thinking you can have a friendship with a guy but learning that wasn't the intention.

I will only hang out with guys that are happily taken with their girlfriends or tomboys who know that I don't want their potential mates.



RedSands
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25 Jul 2008, 12:15 am

I can understand where you're coming from, but you have to realize also that the reason that men act that way is simply because A) men need the company of women to thrive psychologically; B) men who aren't "naturals" with women get "locked out" of the kind of social interaction that is required to learn how to relate to women in a mature manner, and usually at an early age; and C) men who get locked out have a choice between trying to get "back in" and accepting their status as social recluse for the rest of their lives.

I was locked out as a younger man, and tried a lot of the things you describe in your post (nobody ever told me that they only worked in movies or that when you ask a woman what they look for in a guy they will tell all the things that they want to believe that they look for but will keep the things they really look for a secret from even themselves) until I - and this is the real kicker - started dating somebody I didn't really like out of sheer loneliness. Then, suddenly, I had women interested in me, I ended up meeting somebody I liked, and now I am in a happy relationship. I ended up rather disgusted with girls and my esteem of the female gender took a sharp dive. Oddly, my appeal to said gender went up as my opinion of them went down, and I found girls became even more interested in me.

Short version: Men know what they want, but don't know what they are doing. Women know what they are doing, but don't know what they want. Life isn't fair. If God wanted dating to be easy He would have invented a third gender to referee.

:D



release_the_bats
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25 Jul 2008, 12:55 am

I'm not complaining about being attractive, or trying to ignore the fact that most people look at everything in a superficial manner.

My point is that the superficiality affects everyone in a negative way. I think that people have some control over how superficially they look at things. I don't care about how people look, or those other things that most people care about; I'm just an observer. But that could be an AS thing.

And I think I do have a right to complain about stalking, harassment, people trying to interfere my personal life, rape, being coerced into sexual situations against my will, etc. Violating another person's body or privacy is simply wrong, no matter what the person looks like.

And no, even when I tie my hair up in a bun and wear glasses, all of this persists.

Secondly, no, I don't have an unfair advantage on the job, but I think this is mostly because I'm an aspie. My body language is beyond my control - I look vapid, mopey, and uncomfortable when I'm working hard and deep in thought. I also look far more innocent than I really am. So my co-workers think I'm some stupid pretty girl with a perfect life who chooses to be sad all the time. The fact that I can't make small talk doesn't help either.

Anyway, the point of the OP was simply to describe a set of experiences that are seldom, if ever, addressed or even mentioned in my experience. That's all.



release_the_bats
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25 Jul 2008, 1:00 am

Also, to those who think I'm being tacky:

Please bear in mind that during the past year, I have been raped and forced to deal with at least 5 different stalkers and harassers who invaded my personal space in various ways.

Whenever I go out in public, no matter who I'm with or what I'm doing, I get approached by some creepy guy trying to get something from me or get close enough to touch me.

I'm really tired of dealing with it, especially in light of my recent experiences that emphasize how dangerous this kind of behavior can be.

I understand that this is a common experience for women. Perhaps I should not have said I was attractive; I see how that makes me sound as though I'm vain and taking a lot for granted. I'm not. I'm just venting about one aspect of my life.