Staying Single: Why do people look down on it?
That's what most people believe until they actually get married. Most kids are taught to believe in things that don't exist to explain other aspects of life, why would this marriage thing be different?
If everybody that ate a poisonous plant died, people would learn and they would stop eating that plant.
If everybody that got married got divorced, people would stop getting married.
If everybody that got married was unhappy, people would stop getting married.
The fact that people are still getting married proves that not all relationships are bad and people are happy with their marriages.
I'm guessing you've been married and divorced already to know such deep truths of life.
No, but I witnessed my parents doing that. Mom got bruises in the process.
Of course not every family goes that far, but there is certainly damage done for women in each household. Or if not women, then the kids. We can only guess how many child abuse cases go unreported... because under 18, no one really takes you seriously (sometimes even over that age).
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"...unless you have a morbid fear of dying."
(Love, n. 1. Sexual attraction, which is so strong that it can act as a rationale for all self-ignoring or self-destructive behaviors. Essentially, an override of self-preservation by species preservation. Also called "romantic ~". 2. A hypothetical >emotion which would force individuals to genuinely care for each other, ignoring both self- and species preservation, and mutually agree in every thought, opinion and decision as if they were parts of one individual - without a sense of that being forced. The existence of such emotional or behavioral phenomena is highly improbable, to say the least.)
First, that it does not exist is your opinion - not fact. Seems like I should have a macro for that today. In my world, love exists and is a wonderful thing. Sex and love are two entirely different drives that have some overlap... your view is inherently cynical, and only shows your view on things - an incomplete picture at best. Not to be mean or uncaring, but that your parents' relationship failed does not mean all relationships do or will. I've seen many relationships fall apart; I fault other issues, not the concept of love. I would be interested to hear your opinion once you have some personal experience as well.
M.
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My thanks to all the wonderful members here; I will miss the opportunity to continue to learn and work with you.
For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.
So long, and thanks for all the fish!
GuessWho
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 11 Aug 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 56
Location: Alexandria VA (suitcase nuke range of Pentagon)
For a long time I thought girls did not like me in high school simply because I did not have a social scene. My high school was Thomas Stone in Waldorf Maryland and I was a stealth Stone, if you consider McDonalds, swimming pools, or dances as radar, except for one freshman Halloween dance, I was NOT on radar. AT ALL.
I kind of hated Wham's song Careless Whisper because "I've never gonna dance again" and the song is about the same point in chronological time.
I was kind of screw you-ish on the way up to West Virginia transferring high schools. Dad retired from the Federal government when our house sold and we lived permanently in a vacation house Dad bought before I was born. (Score one for my super intelligent financial planning possible Aspie deceased late Dad, although he was so invested to his 30 year retirement plan he would not let my brother go to college with me after Mom made me live on campus- "the money isn't there (if we live 30 years)"- I understand, it could happen, but Dad only had 9 years retirement and Mom 15)
BUT THE ABSENCE OF SOCIAL SCENES WITH WOMEN DOES NOT MEAN THEY DO NOT LIKE YOU...... (as friends)
I got creative art card from one from one (drawn quite well)
I had friends in Spanish classes: the best of these was in three Spanish classes, two Latin classes, honors civics, honors chemistry, and physics-- I seemed to attract women with brains
There is a 20 year reunion in 3 weeks
smart man + dumb woman = affair
dumb man + smart woman = golddigger
dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
That's very funny, but kind of true...
Though I wouldn't do affairs, one-night-stands or anything short-term like that, because 1. I need lot of time to get used to the person and suppress touch anxiety 2. I wanna settle down at last - at almost 20 I have little time to live already (like 5 years, if this university thing's gonna work out well), and I don't want to waste it on something that has an end. Things that exist for only a period of time, aren't at all.
BTW, my gut reaction was to yell something rude, but gut reactions aside, how about all the woman+woman or man+man variations? i guess they give the same results... or not? any opinions?
As far as we know though, smart singles can pwn the world... Temple is a good example
_________________
"...unless you have a morbid fear of dying."
I only get light pressure from my parents, they understand my social difficulties but they make it a point that every time I go somewhere with them to tell me about all the pretty waitresses and such that were "looking at me". I think they tell me that to try to increase my self esteem. What they want from me, and they will admit this, are grand children. They already have a few grandchildren from their other kids. I guess they won't be satisfied until they have at least 50 grandchildren.
GuessWho
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 11 Aug 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 56
Location: Alexandria VA (suitcase nuke range of Pentagon)
I think it is how much you invest in the relationship (the work they always talk about).
I think you get out what you put in.
That's what most people believe until they actually get married. Most kids are taught to believe in things that don't exist to explain other aspects of life, why would this marriage thing be different?
If everybody that ate a poisonous plant died, people would learn and they would stop eating that plant.
If everybody that got married got divorced, people would stop getting married.
If everybody that got married was unhappy, people would stop getting married.
The fact that people are still getting married proves that not all relationships are bad and people are happy with their marriages.
I'm guessing you've been married and divorced already to know such deep truths of life.
I never got the idea that when you reached a certain age, you lost your family and only could get one by marrying and reproducing, or that if you did, thatw as your family, and not those your related to and were raised bye. Why someone is single is really noone elses business, possible with the exception of someone that is interested in you, but then perhaps only if you like them back. Yes I would love some cute animefangirl, but I rather wait for her then be miserable with the wrong person. and saddly, sometimes being with the wrong person is so much worse then being alone. Though I do like being alone as well. And somepeople do get married are have wonderful relationships. My own grandparents, paraents, uncles andaunts are doing fine.
First of all, whether you choose to be single or not, that is entirely YOUR choice. Your mother, your grandmother, your friends, they have no control over what you do in your life, and if they are so immature that they think you're a lesbian or insuinate it, then they're pathetic, to put it tactfully. If you try to please the world or live up to others expectations, you will not be happy because you will not be acting like yourself.
I have been single probably longer than you probably, 21 years straight, and although I have tried at romance and have never gotten the oppurtunity, the problem if not me, you just have to give it a try. Sure there is a risk involved, but isn't life just a big risk? You know, if you're single, that's just fine, you don't have to justify your life to anyone. Hope this helps.
I have analyzed relationships for years, while having a few terrible relationships and while being single. My conclusion is that marriage and relationships are all just about using one another. Some people marry to get money, money so they never have to work or just more money from a spouse who has a good job and dependable cashflow. Almost all couples use each other for sex. Yeah sure people our grandparents age stayed married for life...but why did they do that? The men married for free sex, the women married so they would be taken care of and not have to work. People couple up today again to use each other for sex, money and of course rent is cheaper if you share it.
That said why get in a relationship? There honestly is no such thing as love like we are brainwashed to believe in and long for. People don't love. Its either sexual lust or its a matter of what can the other person give you that you don't already have. I think for some its also because they are weak and scared to go it alone in life.
For those of us that chose singleness we are often met with jealousy by our coupled friends and co-workers who are miserable and b***h all day long about how bad their life is. Sure a few people couple up because they honestly enjoy each other's company. But if you observe people like I do then you see 99.9% of people get into relationships for selfish reasons.
You've hit the nail on the head! You are exactly right in your observations. Married people are jealous of us. I've had a number of married lady friends tell me how lucky I am to be single.
There are pros and cons to either state, really.
I remember a married cousin telling me she envied me getting ready for a first date. I remember thinking, "why? she has a husband right next to her all the time, someone to hug at night, etc.". And now I think, that's exactly why she envied me.
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