Avoiding people approaching you for money in public.

Page 1 of 3 [ 44 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

Aalto
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 3 May 2008
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 392
Location: W. Yorks, UK

10 Aug 2008, 9:57 pm

This happens a lot round here, at least with me, a 5'5 teenager, usually not walking around with someone intimidating.

More and more people are approaching me asking for money. It's usually something like "I've got stuck in this town and desperately need to get home for tonight. Please lend me money," though in a far less articulate manner, in which they then go on to say that they're not "sh*****g me", and are not a junkie. I actually, about 6 weeks ago, fell for one in which two people approached me at about 5:45pm asking for 90p to get home. I made the big mistake to say that I'm in a hurry, etc, whilst they told me their story: been in jail overnight, now stuck in a foreign town, stabbed in the eye (one of them points up to below his eye, where there's a scar, but I admit it must've happened there quite a while ago), wanted a bit of money. I submitted and said OK to them, telling them to stay out of trouble in the future.
They then go "Can I have this 2 pounds 40 now?" to which I point out that the money's suddenly risen, but for the tenth time they go "But you promised! C'mon, please!" so I quickly go into some takeaway and ask for change from a fiver, give them the money and walk off into the station. I look back and see that them and some others are laughing at me, and spend the rest of the day feeling very pissed off.
I went to the same town that Saturday, and in all his audacity the SAME person was there, asking me and the friend I had with me for some money. My friend whispered "Ignore him," or "Just move on," to me impatiently, and we did without hassle.

How should I deal with future related issues?



Kauf039
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 16 May 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 171
Location: ON, Canada

10 Aug 2008, 10:43 pm

Usually not looking at them and just continuing walking works. Else you can try the "*shrug* sry, no money" approach. (In which you don't actually say anything, just kinda shrug and raise your hands upwards...) Hey, it works for me :P Just make sure not to stop.


_________________
Humm, guess I should put something witty here, huh?


KaliMa
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Feb 2007
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 960
Location: Boston, Massachusetts, USA

10 Aug 2008, 11:29 pm

I agree with your friend and Kauf039, just keep walking and don't look up when they speak. Sometimes I say "sorry, I don't have any money to spare". I also sometimes wear a headset while I walk so I don't feel like I seem rude for ignoring them (without any music on, so that if someone tries to jump me from behind I may be able to hear them coming). Sometimes I wear an old walkman or a cheap radio where they can see it & plug the headset into that (never have your mp3 where they can see it, people around here occasionally mug people for those).

It's really hard to not help someone who seems badly down-on-their-luck, but I try to remember that a lot of them use the money for dope or booze. My "helping" them might pay for the fix that kills them.

Don't be pissed at yourself, though. Many of these people spend all day figuring out how to con soft-hearted people out of their money. Everybody gets fooled once in a while.



Asterisp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 898
Location: Netherlands

10 Aug 2008, 11:43 pm

In one of the cities I visit regularly there is this person who asks money for the train to the neighboring town. But will all the money he gets, he could get a plane to another country!

So, ignoring them or thanking them politely for the offer helps.



Linebeck
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2008
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 48
Location: Sydney, Australia

11 Aug 2008, 3:11 am

I walk around them. If they follow you, just walk faster. Don't say anything and just ignore them. They're used to it all the time so don't give in to their demands. You are under no obligation to offer them money.



PilotPirx
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 8 May 2008
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 237
Location: Amsterdam, NL

11 Aug 2008, 3:51 am

Just a clear NO. In a voice that makes sure, you won't discuss the matter.

Beneath the fact that I do not really care what their problems are, we have a quite
large and expensive social security system here in Europe. So I don't need to worry
if the guy drops dead by starvation. If he needs food or shelter, he can ask some street
worker or the Salvation Army.

What I hate especially about them, is that they break into my private sphere much more
than other NTs. Starting that "It's hard living on the street" scrap and telling you their
whole live (true or a lot of made up stories, who knows?). I stop that by ignoring them
or using a MP3, actually putting it on my ears, if they don't go away, I really don't mind
what they think about it.


_________________
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before (E.A.Poe)


donkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 May 2006
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,468
Location: ireland

11 Aug 2008, 5:07 am

the cruelest trick they can play on you is to thank you gratuitously for ignoring them, "ok thanks anyway, have a nice day"
this is a final pull at your sense of decency, it worked on me once, only once.


_________________
a great civilisation cannot be conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within- W. Durant


Postperson
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jul 2004
Age: 66
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,023
Location: Uz

11 Aug 2008, 5:50 am

I think the verbal trick you missed was when they changed their demands, you agreed to something, then even though they changed to a higher demand you still felt obliged to stick to an agreement, as though it was still current. You don't need to stick to an agreement when it changes.

Also, remember it's ok to change your mind, the agreement had changed, so therefore it's ok for you to change your mind. NTs do it all the time.

They're professional beggars, so they're practiced at what they do, you need to practice ignoring them and their sob stories, no matter how convincing.



RustyShackleford
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 208
Location: Nottingham UK

11 Aug 2008, 5:59 am

They are used to being treated like crap and this is the only approach that works in my experience. The moment you show even the slightest interest or emotional response they have got you. You do not need to be out and out rude to begin with. Ignoring and pretending they aren't there is harsh but it works. I am not above telling the more persistent ones to f off but this approach can anger them and make you more of a target.



kip
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,166
Location: Somewhere out there...

11 Aug 2008, 6:06 am

I see them all the time because I live about 3 blocks from the homeless shelter. So maybe they are homeless... so what? I don't give them change, I give them directions to the shelter 3 blocks down the main drag, or the salvation army a block away. The one that makes me laugh though is the dude who rolls his sock down and walks with a crutch. First off, he's always using the crutch on the wrong leg, and second, he's always switching feet. And people still fall for it!


_________________
Every time you think you've made it idiot proof, someone comes along and invents a better idiot.

?the end of our exploring, will be to arrive where we started, and know the place for the first time. - T.S. Eliot


Unbeliever
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 9 Mar 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 92
Location: UK

11 Aug 2008, 6:22 am

Just walk on and mumble 'no, sorry'. I wouldn't even say that you have no change, because I wouldn't give them any anyway.

If you have a spare pie or drink (having come from the shops) maybe give them that. That way you can help, but you don't have to get your wallet out.

I don't really mind those that sit by the wall with a dog and an old hat for people to drop money into, it's the one's that follow you or try and shake your hand (and hold on tight when they do) that piss me off.


_________________
"Rules are made for the obedience of fools and the guidence of wise men"


MrMark
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jul 2006
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,918
Location: Tallahassee, FL

11 Aug 2008, 7:21 am

Don't have this problem anymore as I don't walk city streets. I also don't carry cash.

I used to say, "Well, com'on, walk with me! Don't take my time and my money too!... Okay, so tell me a good story...."

"I guess that's story's worth a dollar...."

and he says, "I really need two...."

"Well I'll carry you part way, but I won't carry you all the way. You'll find somebody to carry you the rest of the way, I'm sure."


_________________
"The cordial quality of pear or plum
Rises as gladly in the single tree
As in the whole orchards resonant with bees."
- Emerson


Aalto
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 3 May 2008
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 392
Location: W. Yorks, UK

11 Aug 2008, 7:26 am

Cheers, all.



DNForrest
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jan 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,198
Location: Oregon

11 Aug 2008, 8:05 am

The absolute best defense I've found to work against these folks is to look slightly alarmed at something they can't see while arguing with yourself. If you mumble something about kidneys or a spleen, all the better (it may make you look crazy, but that's the point). This also works great against those harrassing folks in mall kiosks trying to get you to try a sample of hand lotion (don't know how many of those you have in the UK).



Anniemaniac
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 3 Nov 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 334

11 Aug 2008, 8:33 am

I hate when people ask for money. They always seem to target me. I'm always getting people who're selling "The Big Issue" approach me for money.

I sometimes give into them because at least they're trying to earn their income instead of begging for it but there seems to be so many of them now, that if you were to give the £1.50 to all of them, you'd be in the same position they are and I don't have a lot of money to begin with.

There's this one lady in town who sells it and every time I walk past, she targets me. I used to give into her on a regular basis, but one day I'd spent up, and I had no spare money on me, except for the taxi fare so I couldn't give her any. She then looked me up and down, stared at my bags, and gave me the lowest, dirtiest look you can imagine. After that I didn't give her anything else. If she's going to be that nasty with me, after I'd regularly bought her magazine, then why should I? It's not my duty to support her.



kitty2
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2008
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 153

11 Aug 2008, 3:13 pm

People asking for money is a consequense of this ugly capitalist/empirialist society. It is sad and most homeless people are on the streets because they don't get any access to proper help. Society just spits them out, that's why you see them on the streets. If you are a refugee (illegalised or not), drug addict (most of the time with mental health issues anyway), homeless or just poor, you try to get money in any which way, just because you can feed yourself, survive. You are nothing without money in this society/world. You can't find shelter if you don't have money to pay for shelter. You don't find shelter alternative shelter when you don't have alternative connections or a way of living. You just do what you need, try to get money. Begging for money is the less violent approach. Begging for money makes you depend on society and people directly and most of the time they don't give a f**k about you, begging is hard, so why should you give a f**k about them? Society is failing here, not people with problems are the problem, society is. It is just inherent in capitalist/ampirialist society.
I don't give people money, who are begging, just like that. I am poor myself according to capitalist standards. I support in a different way, but the people on the streets don't know that. Also I cannot change stuff on my own anyway.
I rahter give homeless drug related people food than money, this way they don't spend it on food.
The only absurd and funny moment was when a guy (quite noticeable a junky without a home) asked me on a train statiion for money because he wanted to get a sandwich. I said I don't have any money, but you can have my banana... He got angry and said I am homeless, I need money for the night (salvation army thingy), you are the 4th person wanting to give me a banana, I am not a f*****g monkey!! !