I'm realizing Most people are sadists and can't be trusted..
I'm finally realizing that most all people are sadistic by nature. I've thought this off and on periodically, but now after 46 years of pain, I'm finally realizing just how true it is.. People on the autistic spectrum for whatever reason seemingly don't share this sadistic trait and it has been shown that as children, autistic kids often allow the sadists to beat upon them without responding in kind because the autistic child simply does not have that type of sadistic behavior genetically ingrained into them. The sadistic ones see it as a weakness that the child does not enjoy causing pain to others as they do and therefore, that child becomes a prime target for the sadistic attacks.. I've been a human punching bag before myself. As people mature, this sadism is less obvious but is still very much present even in the workforce where there will be gossip and manipulative back-stabbing as well as verbal abuse from superiors.. I hope this isn't too depressing..
Now that I finally realize this, I've decided to no longer attempt to communicate or be friendly with these people.. I finally realize, after all these years, that it is completely futile. I will continue to try and find work that does not involve working around those people and in class, I will no longer attempt friendships or communication with them -- I will just simply try to get through these final classes with the best grade I can..
I now realize that no matter what I do, no matter how many books I read at improving communication skills, no matter how many classes in self-presentation, they will always see me as the neurologically different human being that I am and usually ostracize me. No more attempts at chit-chat. I feel like it's pointless now. All it takes is for one person to start gossiping or excluding me and then the others follow. I had allowed myself to hope for one last FINAL time and even felt like I was a part of their group this past semester, but the last week of class showed otherwise. I got the cold shoulder during the last parking lot huddle of the summer.
Now, I have finally given up on trying and my heart is sealed toward these people from now on, hopefully FOREVER. I will not let them hurt me any more. They will get nothing more from me... I will not be let down again or feel bad about being excluded. I will have No More of it. I will take No More Pain from those people! I may be doomed to living a life completely alone, but it is better than the pain and humiliation to my spirit. No More Pain from these people! That's my new creed in life from now on!
I wish I could have found a single, genuine mentor at some point in my life, one human being that could have helped be along this path. God knows, my family sure didn't.. I found manipulative people wanting what little money I had, people who just wanted sex and would pretend to care and fake "mentors".. Anyway, I don't mean this to post to be a total downer.. Maybe it could be used to show that it is very important for someone on the spectrum to find a real mentor early in life or someone on their side that can guide them.. Otherwise, they might permanently shut off like I have finally after all these years of futility. I never did meet another human being with NLD and now, I recently found out that the main organization for support for people with NLD (Nonverbal Learning Disability) is closing down
~L
Last edited by Felinity on 11 Aug 2008, 5:06 pm, edited 10 times in total.
Not to make light of your situation, but it seems that you're being hurt because you let these people hurt you. They pick on you to get a reaction. Yes, children can be cruel sometimes. It is not a genetic behavior, it is a learned one.
While I realize that school is probably the closest thing we have to institutionalized torture, it DOES end eventually. It may sound cliche', but the thing that affects how we feel is not what happens to us, but how we react to what happens to us. Think 10% action/90% reaction
Stay strong in the struggle. Feel free to PM me if you need to.
_________________
"...A genious with access to unstable chemicals.
..."
Sometimes you have no choice but to be hurt by these people. No denying your feelings.
Focus on your education and maybe you will meet someone who knows how to be a true friend. Such people do exist. They are just few and far between for everyone.
Education, often, will open more doors for you than trying to please people who often don't care and will never change their minds. Don't stress yourself out over such individuals who are obvious too callous and unfeeling to have much consideration and who seem to lack social skills themselves.
Use this as an opportunity to strengthen your resolve and ambitions.
I have an AS friend who is very mean to me. He says blunt, mean things. I find him very angry. "Sadistic" I don't think so. I think it's arrogance. It seems to me he thinks he's too smart.
_________________
"Me voici donc seul sur la terre, n'ayant plus de frère de prochain d'ami de société que moi-même." Jean-Jacques Rousseau
"Do not think, 'I am alone.'" Sasaki Roshi
WonderWoman
I just want to clarify in case some people might be thinking this: I am not someone who thinks she's too smart.. that is not why I'm excluded.. people just know that I am not an NT after a while... that's all there is to it. They sense that I am different. I am anything BUT arrogant.. i have no confidence from being mistreated and misunderstood for most of my entire life.. If anything, they probably see a beaten, 1/2 "dead horse" and figure they'll ignore it or kick it some more... I just wanted to clarify in case some people were actually to interpret my thread above to assume that I must be an arrogant b***h and that's why everyone excludes me.. not so.. I'm also the only female in the class studying for a career in a male-dominated industry.. That could have something to do with it also... I have to listen to them joking as I walk to class about K-Y jelly and people bending over.. for instance.. not funny... but I don't care any more what they think.. I'm just going to get through my classes and get through the music technology program one way or another.. whether they like it or not..
L
Last edited by Felinity on 11 Aug 2008, 6:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
My comments are not about you, Felinity, but you seem to be taking things really personally. My particular point is that it takes all kinds in both the NT world and the AS world. You can find nice people and mean people in either place.
I just edited my text, too, because sometimes written words can sound like something you don't mean, and I meant to be reassuring.
_________________
"Me voici donc seul sur la terre, n'ayant plus de frère de prochain d'ami de société que moi-même." Jean-Jacques Rousseau
"Do not think, 'I am alone.'" Sasaki Roshi
WonderWoman
Last edited by WonderWoman on 11 Aug 2008, 6:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.
As I get older I have less and less faith in humanity. But, I don't feel that people with Asperger's are exempt from sadistic behavior. Unfortunately there have been some ghastly crimes committed by people who seemed like textbook aspies (Ted Kaczynski) or who were actually diagnosed with Asperger's (William Freund, and the Virginia Tech shooter was considered autistic as a child, and there are others).
However, in all those cases, they felt provoked and enraged by society, and felt they were exacting a just revenge... so maybe that is the difference.
Aquamarine_Kitty
Snowy Owl
Joined: 6 Oct 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 155
Location: Way northern California
Well, I guess this thread, instead of pointing out the innate differences between autistics and others that like to pick on them is turning around to show examples of the worst people on the autistic spectrum imaginable...
I'm just wondering why that is? Sure, there are examples of people with ASD that are not perfect.. and "normal" people that are not sadistic underneath.. Why talk about the few autistics that are arrogant or sadistic or evil? Do we really know that many of the worst serial killers were on the spectrum? How many of them were ever formally diagnosed? just wonderin' cause I'd really like to know..
I'll just say that not every autistic person is passive either.. I was talking about the majority according to studies of autistic kids when they were attacked. I'm sure there are some that DO fight back when attacked. I've had years of martial arts training now myself and hope I fight back well when attacked now.. judo, tai kwondo, muay thai, karate, and now I'm thinking about taking Krav Maga.... they better not mess with me! Of course, maybe because I just admitted to being willing to defend myself, I'll be suspect.. of being a "bad aspie" too.. I don't mean to take it personally, but just wonder why it gets so turned around..
There really is a trait that most people have to where they want to engage in causing pain to others.. While studying martial arts, I was the human punching bag to all the kids and at one point, I had over 50 bruises on my body.. I rarely felt like fighting back, only when I was cornered.. but they readily fought eagerly.. I was taking the class to learn to defend myself because of being attacked, whereas bullies take martial arts because it allows them to physically attack someone without too much retribution, especially if the person is autistic.. u s u a l l y... yeah, there are always exceptions... I understand that.. thanks.
Last edited by Felinity on 11 Aug 2008, 6:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Come on!--like Aspies are any more moral than NTs! I mean, we might not beat you up, but we might flame you on the Internet or crash your hard drive...
I'm of the opinion that every human being has an evil nature, of sorts, combined with the knowledge of what good is. The people you met, who hurt you, are people who listen to the evil inside themselves.
_________________
Reports from a Resident Alien:
http://chaoticidealism.livejournal.com
Autism Memorial:
http://autism-memorial.livejournal.com
Yeah, I've had my hard-drive crash before, computer high-jacked.. I was a moderator for a rock star's forum once for over a year and all 6 people that moderated it had their hard-drives crash. I was running Windows then.. Also, I knew someone that was one of the top kids in math for the entire state and he was able to access my computer remotely without my knowing.. No, I'm not paranoid.. it really happens. there really are people than can do that type of stuff.. as I'm sure some of you here ..ha... are well aware of... haha It's not paranoia.
I don't think anybody would ruin my computer purposely here though.. I really haven't been mean to anyone purposely at least.. I'm just having a really rotten day today. It took me two years to find a therapist that was familiar with NLD and he has his own issues and right when I needed him most, he had to cancel out on our last two appointments.. I feel really alone today and down.. and just thought I'd try to communicate with people this way... and things get twisted and misunderstood here too I'll get over it..
L
Last edited by Felinity on 11 Aug 2008, 8:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Felinity, I feel your pain. I too am currently experiencing the overwhelming realisation that I am different. For me it is that I make a friend, and somewhere along the way I end up being taken advantage of. It sort of creeps up on me, things go well and then before I know it I have been let down again.
The only advice I can give is to not give up all together. There ARE people out there who are sincere, the only catch is that you can't shut yourself off, otherwise you will never meet them.
In the meantime just be cautious, don't give too much of yourself away, but at the same time keep an eye open for those people who will be a true friend.
If you are anything like me you probably give people the beneift of the doubt without really knowing them. This is where you can get hurt. I know when you are a sincere person yourself you sometimes just assume others are that way also. Not true. Some people are worth trusting, others not, you just have to hold your cards close to your chest until that person has given a little of themselves too.
Anyway, look on the bright side, at least you're not the one having those pointless discussions about KY-jelly, I certainly would not want to be part of that!
You could be my twin, Felinity. I am at the same point in life. I hope to have as little to do with people as possible. They only concern themselves with money and sex and they lie cheat and steal continually. Perhaps the sociopath gene is now dominant in 'normal' society. I may join a church group but they can be full of phonies too.
someone described me as being like a solitary Amish person forced to live with and mix with "English" people. I think the amish comparison is a good one for us. Unfortunately we cant group for mutual support in the physical world like they can.
cyberscan
Veteran
Joined: 16 Apr 2008
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,296
Location: Near Panama, City Florida
I can definitely understand where felinity is coming from. I am lucky enough to have good family relations, but outside of my family and congregation (these people are really true to the faith), I trust very few people. I have been scammed by those who I thought were my friends. Not all NT's, Aspies, or Auties are bad, but in this day and age, it sure seems like it. Outside the company of my family and congregation, I usually prefer to be in the company of my fellow Spectrumites.
As far as Apatura's comments go, they are right on the money. School shootings, bombings, etc. don't spontaneously happen. People are PUSHED into those things. I'm not excusing what these people did, but I'm pointing out that after being selectively targeted by large numbers of people day in and day out for years, people do snap. If I were going to school in the age of widespread Internet access, one would likely be reading a news story about me One thing the Navy taught me is that I do not have to take sh** from people, and most of the time, I no longer do. I believe that is what the Internet teaches some of those who go on rampages. The person who snaps after years of persecution is the one who is the bad guy in the media. I learned many ways of non-violently causing those who torment me to self destruct. I hate to do things like that to people, and I don't as long as there are other options.
Krav Maga is definitely a nice bag of tricks to have in your mental toolbelt. I have downloaded and watched many Krav Maga videos. Combine that with a good book on improvised weapons and a never give up attitude, there will be relatively few people who can take you out in a fight.
_________________
I am AUTISTIC - Always Unique, Totally Interesting, Straight Talking, Intelligently Conversational.
I am also the author of "Tech Tactics Money Saving Secrets" and "Tech Tactics Publishing and Production Secrets."
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