Do people assume you're gay?

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MissConstrue
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16 Aug 2008, 8:52 pm

I assume people think I'm gay since I don't look or act very feminine. I've also noticed that I don't respond in the same way many girls do when they see a guy they're interested in. I seem to close up and come off as uninterested and/or shy.


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ducasse
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17 Aug 2008, 6:45 pm

People used to all the time, but they don't seem to any more. I don't know if that's because I stopped giving off whatever gay-seeming vibe I had, or because I don't meet so many new people & everyone I know now already asked me 5 years ago if i was gay.
My last job was in a diy store. Some of the customers, like 1 every month or two, thoughtI was foreign, usually French. I can't account for that either, but I thought maybe the gay-seeming vibe had transformed into a vaguely-foreign-seeming vibe.



ducasse
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17 Aug 2008, 6:48 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
I've also noticed that I don't respond in the same way many girls do when they see a guy they're interested in. I seem to close up and come off as uninterested and/or shy.

I think I do the same thing with girls I'm interested in. It ought to be a simple thing to correct, because it's so obviously not the way to go about it, but I can't quite seem to manage it, or even work out what I should be doing.



Kilroy
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17 Aug 2008, 9:31 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
I assume people think I'm gay since I don't look or act very feminine. I've also noticed that I don't respond in the same way many girls do when they see a guy they're interested in. I seem to close up and come off as uninterested and/or shy.


you look feminine, I think

people might...Iwho knows, like girls for the most part, you know
guys just don't look as fun :lol:



Yupa
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18 Aug 2008, 5:54 pm

Ticker wrote:
Funny thing is I am gay, or rather lesbian and am quite certain I look the part. Yet I have men ask me out constantly. I also have co-workers ask me which guys I like. I guess it goes to show you can't tell a book by its cover.

As for the original poster's dilemma. Perhaps also you are being asked if you are gay because the one doing the asking is gay or else has a friend of the same sex that is attracted to you. That's usually how gays meet up outside of bars and Pride fests. In other words they are putting their feelers out trying to figure you out. Don't take it personally. Straights do the same thing.


It's not that I'm asked so much as that people just assume, but it's not really a dilemma for me, because it seems to keep the majority of girls, whom I strongly dislike, from hitting on me.



Eggman
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18 Aug 2008, 6:47 pm

Ive iverheard girls whispering why they never seen me gone out with a girl.
Odd. If people do not see you going out with the opposite sex they think you are a homosexual, even if the equally have not seen you going out with same sex.



michel
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18 Aug 2008, 7:38 pm

At the beach, when women check me out, their guys always go "Yeah, but he's got to be a fa***t". :roll:



Kilroy
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18 Aug 2008, 7:46 pm

well that's because they are afraid your not and will steal their girlfriend away
straight men are like that
they always fear someone better will come along (and at times they do) and they are alone



MissConstrue
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19 Aug 2008, 3:19 pm

Eggman wrote:
Ive iverheard girls whispering why they never seen me gone out with a girl.
Odd. If people do not see you going out with the opposite sex they think you are a homosexual, even if the equally have not seen you going out with same sex.


I notice that too with the "Maybe he's gay since he's alone." I used to hear that alot at my work place.

.... and if a person was homosexual and not in the closet, why would they be single or without a partner?

If they're in the closet, it's more likely they're going to try be with the opposite sex to feel "accepted."


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Keith
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19 Aug 2008, 4:10 pm

Funny, I was serving a customer today and he's a regular there too. Blatantly asked if I made the food, I just replied I am unable to. His comment for that was "I'm sure it would be better if you had made it"
My manager was there also picked up on that comment made by him and said to me "That was soo gay!" My only answer on that was "Well, a compliment's a compliment, would've been better if it was a female though. Never mind" and carried on with what I was doing.

I do live in what is recognised as the gay capital of the UK and maybe the capital of Europe too



LifeOfTheSpectrum
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19 Aug 2008, 10:40 pm

Yes.
Oh god yes.
All the time, people think I'm gay, because all my friends are gay, and I'm a little "camp." Oh, and I'm the only male in our friend circle-group-type-effort.

It really annoys me when I'm talking to a friend-ish person, and they'll just say "Are you gay?"
I laugh it off, but it still really annoys me.



michel
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20 Aug 2008, 12:01 pm

LifeOfTheSpectrum wrote:
Yes.
Oh god yes.
All the time, people think I'm gay, because all my friends are gay, and I'm a little "camp." Oh, and I'm the only male in our friend circle-group-type-effort.

It really annoys me when I'm talking to a friend-ish person, and they'll just say "Are you gay?"
I laugh it off, but it still really annoys me.


Why does it annoy you? Do you think it might be because you associate being gay with something bad? When women flirt with me, and for some strange reason I attract beautiful women, I feel it's a compliment, but I usually make them understand very early on that I'm gay. I'll joke and say "You are gorgeous, do you have a twin brother?". :P



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20 Aug 2008, 4:30 pm

I thought my husband was gay when I first met him (so have others, I'm not the only one). I've met a few other guys over the years that my friends and/or I "read wrong" and they all seemed to have the same characteristic: they don't seem threatening, they're just nice. They're not "typical guys" in some way. They seem thoughtful, considerate.

Folks, even my mom, thought I was gay when I was a teenager and in college just because I didn't date much or well. My mom thought my occasional boyfriend was a front. It was a funny discussion. Even now, I still get asked on occasion. I'm still as dumbfounded as ever, but I see it as flattery. As Woody Allen once quipped, "Being bisexual doubles your chance for a date on Friday night."


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Kellindil
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20 Aug 2008, 4:59 pm

I actually had this happen recently. I was talking to a female friend of mine who was telling me about some *ahem* interactions she would occasionally have with a female friend of hers. Jokingly, I told her that I had the internet for that sort of thing, and didn't need to hear it from my friends.

She said she could probably hook me up, and I was like "No, really, it's ok..." Among other things, I'm not an extremely promiscuous person, and for another, I didn't know the girl's name. She's an attractive enough person, but there's this kind of "OMG WEIRD" thing that comes up at the prospect of possible sex with someone I barely know.

In any case, she asked me if I was ****ing my (male) roommate in response, which made me LOL. If by "****ing* you mean "Playing Dawn of War over a LAN", then sure! Otherwise, not so much.

Another friend of mine commented to me once that "Now that I know you like girls, we have to get you a girlfriend." Apparently, since she'd never seen me with a girl, she wasn't sure that I liked them.

Apparently there's an expectation that heterosexual males be relatively open to sex with women they don't know very well, based on looks. Not fitting that seems to imply to people that I'm gay, even though I'm not.



RogueProcess
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20 Aug 2008, 5:48 pm

michel wrote:
At the beach, when women check me out, their guys always go "Yeah, but he's got to be a fa***t". :roll:

That's just them showing their insecurities, thinking you're gonna steal their chicks, hehehe :lol: