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NeantHumain
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13 Aug 2008, 11:04 pm

I did something social earlier this evening, and it turned out so so for me, and that serves to remind me that even supposedly simple things I try to do are a long and complex struggle. Making the kind of conversation that leads to new friendships is complicated: what to talk about, one's demeanor, etc. Probably lately I have been overcompensating by coming across as over friendly and over enthusiastic, and slowly it becomes clear to my interlocutor that I don't quite know all the social nuances. This is not any better than being reserved and oblivious, and the result is the same: friendlessness. Their response may be polite but disengaging, or if they have a bit of a cruel streak, they may mess with you. Few will actually genuinely continue trying to get to know you to the point of making effort to get in touch with you again.

Women seem unlikely to want to date someone who isn't quite aware of what is going on in the social environment around them.

It's all frustrating.



Warsie
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13 Aug 2008, 11:07 pm

NeantHumain wrote:
Women seem unlikely to want to date someone who isn't quite aware of what is going on in the social environment around them.

It's all frustrating.


Females in general are frustrating. You don't have to be autistic to be puzzled at them, it's a running joke in many comedy shows on the illogicality of females, contradictions, "sarcasm", "no-but-really-yes" crap, etc.


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prillix
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13 Aug 2008, 11:13 pm

I feel the exact same way buddy. Sometimes all you wanna do is just give up and seclude yourself, but then you wont improve whatsoever.

Keep it up man, its a long tough battle, but you will be victorious, it just takes alot of time, struggle and pain.....oh the pain.



Stupidcat
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13 Aug 2008, 11:13 pm

Maybe you just aren't around the right kind of people. I rarely try to make friends but I recently got a new job and I thought it would be nice if I could at least be on friendly terms with some of my coworkers. So I asked my roommate what kinds of things people usually want to talk about.

Her answer was very simple: themselves. So when I started working I asked questions like:

Where are you from?
What's your favorite kind of movie?
What kind of music do you like?
Do you have lots of family?

It seemed to work out very well. My boss recently told me that everyone keeps telling her how nice I am and how much I care about others. It was very shocking. And in the case where I didn't know and/or like what people were talking about (like their favorite type of music) I came up with a sure fire reply.

"I've never listened to (enter type of music here) much. What do you like about it?"

As far as dating goes, I'm a girl and I really don't care if a guy knows what's going on socially. As long as a guy is nice, well groomed, and polite I don't see why a little social awkwardness should get in the way. Some girls even find that kind of awkwardness cute. My best friend certainly did. She's got herself an Aspie boyfriend who completely embarrassed himself on their first date.

Keep your chin up and try not to let social awkwardness get you down. Even if you make a so-so first impression only shallow people would let that get in the way.



dtoxic
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13 Aug 2008, 11:50 pm

I find that everything is a struggle, right down to getting out of bed and putting on some water for tea. So-called inanimate objects lurch out of my hands, or tangle with one another to resist whatever I'm trying to do with them. I get worse at stuff. Lately I've been accidentally biting the inside of my mouth, like I forgot how to chew, or suddenly some saliva falls down my throat and I have a coughing spasm, like I forgot how to sit there and not choke. It's very discouraging, especially trying to undertake some complex multistage mission (like talking to a woman and not f*****g it up) when it seems like I'm losing my grasp of even the basic stuff.