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mysterious_misfit
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17 Aug 2008, 12:57 pm

It was the biggest meltdown I've ever had. I'm not even sure what triggered it, but my mother in law was here and she wouldn't leave. All I could think of was 'GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!' I lost the ability to speak, but I was trying to get her to leave by ignoring her. I was freaking out cleaning my house and doing laundry because I have a party here today. I have been thinking that my MIL is trying to take my son away from me, as in kidnap. And I hate her.

After she left I felt almost instantly fine. But then my husband told me, "You are about to lose your entire family."

I'm pissed and confused. They are trying to kidnap my son.



postpaleo
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17 Aug 2008, 1:35 pm

There is an awful lot of information you're leaving out.

I don't have any idea what your relationships are with all of your family especially your husband. Are any aware of your thoughts about being an aspie? Do they believe you? Do they understand it? Is getting a formal DX an option? A ton of things not out in the open to have any real ideas that might be a good course to take. Communication to those that need to know, and they'll never fully understand it, but it can be crucial to keeping a healthy relationship going.

But on the surface of it, I too have a hard time with most that come in the house. They understand, I simply go into another room till they leave. If alone? I say talk to you later and open the door. So on that part of it I can relate easily.

I'm not saying you to need to roll out all of the information here and it just may be me that isn't seeing enough info to go on.

This statement, "But then my husband told me, "You are about to lose your entire family."", leads me to think the communication is really lacking. Sometimes a mediator is needed and they are out there, but again I have no idea about a lot of any of this to begin with. To find the words that are needed in the moment to attempt to let others that need to know in the moment are around here. I found them here and my relationship with my wife has improved because I have the better terms to use.


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acannon
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17 Aug 2008, 9:02 pm

It sounds like you didn't know she was coming over. Could you try asking her to call first before coming over, or having your husband do it?



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18 Aug 2008, 12:30 pm

acannon wrote:
It sounds like you didn't know she was coming over. Could you try asking her to call first before coming over, or having your husband do it?

Jesus, this woman's husband is threatening to walk out with their child and you're worried about whether his mother calls before visiting ?



i_Am_andaJoy
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18 Aug 2008, 12:37 pm

yeah, what postpaleo said. you are leaving a lot out.

you think that she will kidnap your son.... we can't tell why you think this, if it is a real fear or just frustration. please tell us more about what is going on. the only thing i understand is the GET OUT GET OUT, as i also can't stand people in my house.


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18 Aug 2008, 12:38 pm

MemberSix wrote:
acannon wrote:
It sounds like you didn't know she was coming over. Could you try asking her to call first before coming over, or having your husband do it?

Jesus, this woman's husband is threatening to walk out with their child and you're worried about whether his mother calls before visiting ?


???
where are you getting that information from membersix? no mention of that in the OP. if someone just said "you are about to lose your family" to me, i would not assume that meant they were going to kidnap my son without some more context to go on.


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acannon
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18 Aug 2008, 12:43 pm

Her husband didn't act like he felt the same way, so I'm assuming that she feels this way because of her own anxieties. I was trying to guess at a trigger for that anxiety and it seemed like a valid one to me because she didn't make any mention of inviting the mother in law over or wanting her to come over in the first place. That's just what I got from the post, though, because, as previous posters mentioned, she did leave a lot out.



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18 Aug 2008, 12:51 pm

No offense, but you worry about your MIL kidnapping your child seems a bit... paranoid. I would strongly suggest seeking an accurate diagnosis from a psychiatrist or psychologist as you may have some untreated issues here...



RubieRoze
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18 Aug 2008, 12:57 pm

mysterious_misfit wrote:
my mother in law was here and she wouldn't leave.

A stressor even for an NT.

mysterious_misfit wrote:
I hate her.

What is the history of your relationship with your mother-in-law ("MIL")? Does she exhibit inappropriate behaviors towards your and/or your child?

mysterious_misfit wrote:
But then my husband told me, "You are about to lose your entire family."

That's a drastic statement. In what spirit did he say it? Out of concern, or did it come across as a threat? In any case, it does seem that communication could be an issue between you and your husband regarding proper boundaries related to your MIL. I defer to postpaleo's suggesion:

postpaleo wrote:
This statement, "But then my husband told me, "You are about to lose your entire family."", leads me to think the communication is really lacking. Sometimes a mediator is needed and they are out there, but again I have no idea about a lot of any of this to begin with. To find the words that are needed in the moment to attempt to let others that need to know in the moment are around here. I found them here and my relationship with my wife has improved because I have the better terms to use.


mysterious_misfit wrote:
I'm pissed and confused. They are trying to kidnap my son.

If it relieves your anxiety any: If they both have that kind of access to your son, it seems like they would have done it already. - :?:


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postpaleo
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18 Aug 2008, 2:11 pm

mysterious misfit may I suggest something to you... There is a place on WP, as I see you are fairly recent arrival to WP, called the Haven. It is closed to most and it may be the better area of WP to discuss such things. Don't be swayed by the name of the "haven" and some things you may have already have read there and think... I don't belong there. The point I'm trying make is it might be more comfortable for you. You have to be one busy lady, a family the normal every day to day thing itself can be a real stresser, add in what you have mentioned and I do wish you could find a bit of time to perhaps discuss this further. But I don't think this is the right place for the thread to begin with. The Haven is the better place I really do think. A copy paste alone of what you have said or maybe a mod could move it all for you. (If you don't know one, PM me or go to this heading "WrongPlanet.net discussion" listed in the categories.) Things are often handled a bit differently there just due to the heading.

To be honest on the surface of what your husband would tend to me to think something other than kidnapping. The solution might be as simple as what I have already said, better communications and understanding. And that is what this place is all about. Awareness and not just our own.

I truly truly hope you can find some spare time for some further discussion. Sometimes just writing it out is a good way to look at it with a better eye for yourself alone. Add in some new thoughts from others and before you know it you may have found your own solutions or things to try. We come from all different directions and have all got different experiences from life. The beauty of the haven is if I don't have an idea, someone else will come along that might. I have seen it in there time in and time out. The Haven has a bit more priority to it, the post you put here wouldn't get buried amongst the others as fast. Please consider it. We really do care.

Mother in laws, gads!! ! Like some horror stories from my first marriage? 8O No way would I do that to you, I'd have to write it out and relive it. *shudder*


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postpaleo
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18 Aug 2008, 2:47 pm

MemberSix wrote:
acannon wrote:
It sounds like you didn't know she was coming over. Could you try asking her to call first before coming over, or having your husband do it?

Jesus, this woman's husband is threatening to walk out with their child and you're worried about whether his mother calls before visiting ?


Take it easy here. Both of you may be right.

I don't know if it is really a threat, as much as it might be more in line with his perceived reactions from the mom-in-law showing up. But given a build up or a repeated pattern and him not understanding what the hell is really happening...I don't see it as much as a threat, but more of a warning. He hasn't done it, he may not do it, actually it's him I'd rather have here. He is not aware from what little I can gather and dare I say it, the mom-in-law as well should be here. But not really although i have seen more than a few not on the spectrum here doing what they should be or at least reading here. Some people you can talk to and they get an inkling of understanding, some you can't, I just don't know.

My gut feeling is find a marriage counselor that understands AS or at least something close. Any councilor worth their salt will know if they're over their head and need outside interpretations of the situation at hand. If you ever feel uncomfortable with such, find another until both parties are comfortable. They mediate, get things out in the open, and expose reactions and misunderstandings from all sides. There is a damn good reason my wife goes to everything I do in terms of therapists and doctors. Marriage counselor? Not by job title. What we're doing is getting it out in the open. I learn and she learns. It's good for both of us and what happens when we're home is directly influenced by what comes out in the open, which is a better understanding. I don't always communicate well with the the pros and often she interprets for me and they ask her for outside observations about me cause sometimes I'm just not aware of them. But always, always do I get my input, my situation is the primary. It is not a me against them deal. Sometimes I feel it is and that's when I might have to kick my own butt.


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mysterious_misfit
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18 Aug 2008, 5:33 pm

moving to the haven