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TrojanPower83
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24 Aug 2008, 8:31 pm

That's really interesting. Yah, I've had a hard time working at work... dealing with the politics, but I'm also really good with making friends... I don't know...



NeantHumain
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24 Aug 2008, 10:42 pm

I was not popular in high school. I was more or less oblivious and barely aware of the social goings-on happening around me. I just tried to avoid standing out too much and do my schoolwork. I did try talking to people a little bit, and I mostly relied on my brother for friends. I was really unaware of much cliqueness at my school beyond the trappings of things like cheerleader uniforms; I assumed my people at my high school got along unusually well, but this was probably just my social obliviousness in retrospect. In college, I tried to go it myself and make friend in my own right; some people didn't actively dislike me, but I never made close friendships. Some people actively did dislike me; rather they chose to take advantage of my social ineptitude for their cruel pleasure (when you're socially less skilled, you also don't catch on very quickly that people are trying to mess with you or find your unusual way of responding all too hilarious for some reason).



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24 Aug 2008, 10:45 pm

Betterclassed wrote:
I have found that when it comes to making friends, it is that NT are better but will come mixed. I have really close NT friends and "decent" friends. However with the AS ones I have to say none of them are really really close. I have difficultly handling them and their quirks. Weird and I have AS I thought understand came with that. Apparantly not. Oh well, they're still pretty good friends at times. Now with the popularity thing. My has been a weird one all over the place but most really enjoy my company. My quirks became really subtle once I left highschool and now people are very suprised to hear that I have any mental illnesses whatsoever.

Most aspies have highly idiosyncratic preferences and behavioral rigidity (i.e., they don't "go with the flow"). Since two aspies are unlikely to share the same idiosyncrasies exactly, you can see how this can make aspie-aspie relationships difficult (although NTs must get tired quickly of aspies who can't compromise sometimes). I happen to be one of those aspies who can sometimes compromise and go with the flow (I have gotten less rigid as I've gotten older); it's a shame some aspies are outright not willing to do this (I've met many aspies who seem to find the slightest bit of discomfort or inconvenience to be too much even though everyone must make compromises sometimes; they feel they shouldn't have to).



QuantumToast
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25 Aug 2008, 2:20 pm

I was well-known, but certainly not popular. I still occasionally run into people I've never seen before who know my name, actually.


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raspberryswirl
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25 Aug 2008, 2:38 pm

I was kind of, but mostly by association. Everyone knew my best friend the first half of high school, so in turn everyone knew me. Same for middle and part of elementary school. Around eleventh grade, though, all the fake normalcy wore me out and I just kind of started keeping to myself.


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Bozewani
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30 Aug 2008, 3:36 pm

well, people made me popular, because I won the state of New Jersey in geography. I really never understood what the big deal was then but I got an idea now. (It's called social status and special skills thereof).

However, I got so used to people making me popular one place and making me an outcast the other, I expect Januses everywhere. Just the way things are.



Sir_Beefy
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30 Aug 2008, 4:08 pm

I actually still get recognized around my area by high schooles I don't even know, and I'm two full years removed from high school. "Hey! It's the basketball kid!"


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pinkbowtiepumps
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30 Aug 2008, 9:44 pm

It's weird - in high school, I was mercilessly picked on, but when I got to college I became somewhat popular. I get invited to parties held by people I don't know all that well. I know I'm still criticized, which doesn't bother me, but it's a really big change.

I also apparently have a "party animal" reputation, and I don't know where this came from!



NeantHumain
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30 Aug 2008, 11:57 pm

I wonder how many of you who claim to be popular or at least well known are slipping into the fantasy denial that's apparently pretty common for aspies (according to one paper I read about aspies and their conceptions of friendship). Some of you have not provided reasoning for why you might be popular, well known, or well liked. I'm not saying an aspie can't be popular, but denial is more likely in the general case at least



QuantumCowboy
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31 Aug 2008, 9:34 am

I have never been popular. I am generally well known, due to my eccentricities. That combined with my rather unusual name, allows me the pleasure of having people I don't remember to constantly know who I am. However, I would not sat I am popular.


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b9
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31 Aug 2008, 11:23 am

i am spectacularly uninteresting.
everyone knows that i am unknown.
i am famous for my unpopularity.



pinkbowtiepumps
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31 Aug 2008, 1:41 pm

NeantHumain wrote:
I wonder how many of you who claim to be popular or at least well known are slipping into the fantasy denial that's apparently pretty common for aspies (according to one paper I read about aspies and their conceptions of friendship). Some of you have not provided reasoning for why you might be popular, well known, or well liked. I'm not saying an aspie can't be popular, but denial is more likely in the general case at least


Are you saying aspies pretend to be popular, or create delusions that they are? A lot of popularity is relative, and there will always be people that don't like you, but most people can tell if they're liked or not. I guess some people on the spectrum are unable to pick up on how others see them... I had trouble with this when I was younger, and I still do, but it's getting easier. I do think that most aspies can generally tell if someone likes them or not, but it's harder to tell when they're being used or manipulated... what does everyone think?

I guess I'm well-liked now because I'm nice to everyone unless they give me a reason not to be... there's no doubt that some people talk about me behind my back, but it doesn't bother me anymore, and in spite of my flaws most people still want to be my friend. good reason?



Kajjie
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31 Aug 2008, 2:03 pm

I am replying because I have also had the strange thing where everyone knows your name even though you don't know who they are.

I think people might ask others who I am or remember me when they usually wouldn't (eg. being in the same class as me for one lesson only) because I'm strange, so other people are more likely to know my name. Also, I'm pretty out of it and also forgetful, so maybe I'm less likely to know other people's names. Maybe this is a common Aspie thing for those reasons...?

NeantHumain - I've thought the same thing about relationships between Aspies.



Stereokid
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31 Aug 2008, 9:18 pm

pinkbowtiepumps wrote:
It's weird - in high school, I was mercilessly picked on, but when I got to college I became somewhat popular. I get invited to parties held by people I don't know all that well. I know I'm still criticized, which doesn't bother me, but it's a really big change.

I also apparently have a "party animal" reputation, and I don't know where this came from!


I got the "party animal" reputation in 8th grade when we had a big dance at the school and I danced on the Jumbotron they had set up every chance I got.



Hurricane_Delta
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31 Aug 2008, 9:59 pm

Its kinda funny what happened at the end of my senior year recently. I always thought I was the outcast to an extreme. But, In July, I get invited to a birthday party. Of two popular twin girls. I was, to say the least, very surprised. When I came, they were happy. With about two exceptions, I was welcomed with open arms. When I left, I was given a lot of hugs. I wish I had known those people liked me as a person earlier. It would have saved me so much pain...



QuantumToast
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03 Sep 2008, 6:25 am

Kajjie wrote:
I am replying because I have also had the strange thing where everyone knows your name even though you don't know who they are.
Y'know, sometimes I suspect that the real difference between Aspies and NTs is that we don't have telepathic powers... ;)


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